


Loving You Hurts

by AngelsofGlory666



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Alpha Wade Wilson, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempting Revenge Cheating, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Bottom Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes/Peter Parker (Friendship), Divorce talk, Hurt Bucky, Infidelity - depends how you see it, M/M, Marriage, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Minor Peter Parker/Wade Wilson, Misunderstandings, Mpreg, Omega Peter Parker, Omega Steve, Sexual Dysfunction, Slow Burn, Soul Bond, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark (Past) - Freeform, Therapy, Top Bucky Barnes, Top Steve Rogers, True Mates, alpha bucky, bond, hyperosmia, sex issues, wolf form
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-02-01 05:26:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 53,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12698277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelsofGlory666/pseuds/AngelsofGlory666
Summary: James Barnes thought Steve Rogers was his everything and that they were meant to be together forever. It seemed that fate favored him, having made his first love his true mate. They’d bonded and married young. Then the war happened.Steve became Captain America and Bucky became The Winter Soldier.Bucky never thought they would be thrown into a different time, or that Steve would step out on their bond and marriage. Steve Rogers isn’t the man he knew. No matter how messed up in the head Bucky might be, this betrayal can’t be ignored. Now, Bucky isn’t sure he can be with Steve when his senses make him revolt.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you would like to see me continue this story, comment below and let me know.
> 
> Comments are the food to my creativity and writing.

The first time he met his mission he managed to escape after their altercation. The second, his mask had been knocked off during their fight. That was when things became confusing for the asset. 

The Winter Soldier was overwhelmed with thousands of scents all at once. One thing his handlers had done was inject him with a super serum long ago. A serum to make him faster and stronger than anyone else. A serum to heighten his senses and make him unlike the rest. A super soldier for Hydra. 

The Asset wore his mask during missions to protect his identity and for the comfort of blocking all scents. When the Mission removed his mask he'd stumbled for a fraction of a moment, took as little time to center himself and adjust to the onslaught of scents, and when he had, he'd stared at the Mission who called him by a name.

 _Bucky_.

 _Who the hell was Bucky?_ The Winter Soldier thought this and had said as much. 

The Mission confused him. He looked like an alpha, but he didn't smell like an alpha. It caused him to take another long look at him. He was built, larger than himself, with more muscle mass. His hips were lean and narrow, far from that of an omega's wide set hips, but... The Mission wasn't an alpha, he was an omega. An omega who smelled of rosewood and something else. Something light and warm, something that soothed the alpha within, and because of that the Winter Soldier jerked back and growled threateningly. This was some type of pheromone play meant to disorientate and take him by surprise. The soldier would not fall for it and instead of fighting the alpha- _No. Strangely, omega_ \- he fled when the omega was distracted for a moment.

But the confusion hadn't stopped there. Images came to the forefront of his mind. Of a male omega that smelled just like the mission, but this one was small of frame, with delicate hips that held the softest curves and he looked at him with a soft smile and a ripening of his scent. 

His handler's wouldn't answer his questions and wiped his memory. But they came back, came back as he battled the omega and was just about to end him. Mission near complete, but something stopped him. His alpha snarled with outrage, whined when he'd fired his gun, whimpered as he wrapped his hand around the Mission's neck and prepared to end him.

He'd failed his mission and ran with a confusion of images, of things that some place in his mind wanted to supply as memories, but that made less sense than everything already did. 

Over time he accepted the images for memories. He remembered nearly everything, there were still blank spots deeper into his childhood, but he remembered meeting a small runt of an omega, Steve Rogers. He remembered spending so much of their youth together. Remembered going into his first rut alone and crying out for the omega. His omega mother was there to check on him, making sure he kept himself hydrated and fed for those painfully lonely days. He remembered confessing to Steve that he'd wanted to spend his rut with the omega and Steve blushing furiously. He remembered wooing Steve, and in their later teen years asking to mate him. They even married a few months before the war began. Steve smelled like no other omega he'd ever scented and he'd realized that the reason for that was because Steve was his true mate. 

He remembered his mate coming to his rescue in the war. Remembered being surprised by Steve’s physical change, but comforted by his soft warm scent of rosewood. It always made the alpha within hum with contentment. Steve had been worried that he wouldn't be able to accept the omega’s drastic change. Most might not because they had it in their minds what an omega should look like and a part of him had missed his old Steve. However, this change was acceptable because Steve was healthy, no longer sickly and weak. Steve was happy, so he was too. 

The Winter Soldier who felt less like the soldier and more like James Buchanan Barnes, but still not close to Bucky, understood almost everything. He knew who he was now. He knew what happened to him. He knew who the Mission was.

A part of him wanted to go back to New York. He wanted to find his bond mate. He wanted to be Bucky for Steve, but too much had happened. It was too dangerous. Regardless of his wants, he stayed away. Tried to stay under the radar, but of course knowing how stubborn his mate could be, he should have known Steve would come for him. 

He was taken by the government no matter how much Steve tried to protect him. Then Steve took him away and Bucky had told him everything he remembered Hydra doing and Steve had listened in silence, no judgement. Steve would protect him from the government, protect him from his allies and friends if he had too, but Bucky realized along the way that they could not have what they once had.

Their bond hadn't broken, no matter the life threatening situations they'd been in, nor the frozen states they'd spent in slumber. The more time they'd spent in each others presence, the longer they spent reacquainting themselves with their mate's scent, the bond sparked. Until in Wakanda the bond had shifted back into place. Bucky had made the decision to go back into cryo because he wasn't safe to anyone, especially to Steve. If someone said those words in formation he'd be powerless to stop himself and he couldn't chance hurting anyone again. Steve smelled of distress as he'd told him this, but there was no changing Bucky's mind. He could be just as stubborn as Steve, even worse sometimes. 

Steve leaned against the hospital bed, his leg brushing along Bucky’s own. It was the first sign of intentional physical contact that he'd seen in his mate so far and Bucky pulled back from it. Steve _was_ his mate. He could scent it, yes. But beyond that Bucky scented far more. The serum had made his senses too perceptive at times and one thing that Bucky could scent on a person was just how many partners they'd had. Most people of today scent bothered him, some even disgusted him. Their smells were so strong and off-putting that the mask helped clear the senses enough to not cause him agitation. Although Steve didn't smell terrible like most of the people he'd come into contact with, Bucky could smell that Steve was no longer just his. 

Steve had been the only person he'd ever been intimate with and even after so many decades he hadn't slept with anyone else. Steve smelled of another alpha. Just one, the scent of pine filled his nostrils if Bucky sniffed deep enough and that made something unsettle in the pit of his stomach. It might not be terribly strong, so the occurrence might have been less than a handful of times, but... It happened and...

Bucky wasn't a stuffy narrow minded ass, but this... They'd been raised in a time where mating was sacred. Only a dead-beat alpha or a hussy of an omega would step out on their bond, and if they did, that was sure enough grounds for breaking a bond. The thought of breaking their bond... Bucky didn't like it, but this... It hurt. Every time he found himself inhaling deeply of Steve's scent he couldn't fully enjoy it because that scent was now tinged with another alpha and it made Bucky feel sick, near vomiting every time he smelled it. 

Steve thought he'd died when he fell from the train. _Yes._ Bucky understood that. He could understand that Steve was trying to find his place in this new time. In a New York not their own, but in their time alphas and omegas hardly ever stepped out on their marriages. To do so was as good as signing a divorce agreement. When an alpha or omega lost their mate they didn't just... sleep around. That was it. It didn't matter if they were still young when their mate died, they didn't trample on their mate’s memory.

With time the world evolved in technology and maybe their upbringing was different. There was also a change to the alpha and omega physiology, but for Steve and Bucky it should have remained the same. So... having Steve lean in seeking some type of affection back made Bucky revolt from it in confusion and pain. 

"Steve..." Bucky began awkwardly glancing down to the floor. Steve didn't understand, because the serum they'd given Steve differed from his own, so of course Steve’s senses were not as sensitive or keen. 

"What is it?"

"I'm not the same as I once was." 

"I know that, Buck. Nor am I, but we're mates." Steve defended himself.

The pride of that statement in Steve's eyes broke something within Bucky, because he couldn't accept it for that. Maybe he was just like those stuffy narrow minded people of their time after all?

"I... My senses are different from your own, Steve. I..." God Bucky didn't want to talk about this. He knew it would hurt them both, but his alpha was not pleased. He could feel his inner wolf pull back and hide deep within the darkness of his mind wanting away from the scent of their mate that smelled like another's. "It's been a long time, and I... I understand you moved on. Just because we are bonded, it doesn't mean you need to make this work."

Steve's scent was quickly souring all as his brows furrowed with perplexity. Steve wasn't following.

"I smell that alpha on you..." The iron suited alpha that they'd battled against... He'd put Steve in an terrible position, going against his current alpha for his bonded alpha. Steve's commitments were ever strong and he never took back his promises, but this...

"Anthony Stark. He was your alpha before you found out that I was alive." Bucky stopped talking because he didn't want to say anymore and because the smell of his mate was growing all the more distressed as he did.

"You... Oh God." Steve whined in his distress, hand raised and reaching out for him, and Bucky couldn't stop from flinching away. He didn't want that alpha's scent marking his skin.

The strangled noise that burst from Steve made Bucky curl in on himself. He was Steve's alpha, he should protect him and care for him, but that... He couldn't do that because of his senses. 

"It’s not like that. I... God, I love you, Bucky. So much. We were made for each other. It... It was just... I was having terrible heats and-"

"Heats?" Bucky's voice broke off in a strained octave. 

Heats were far more sacred than anything else. An alpha or omega might, _might_ be able to forgive one time of cheating, but a heat? A actually heat spent with another alpha? Three days of... When a omega was most vulnerable... Fertile...

Steve said heats, as in plural, more than one, meaning...

 _No._ That was never forgivable. In their time that was cause for a divorce and bond breaking.

Palming his face and dipping low where he sat, Bucky wanted to disappear. He rather he were dead than having to deal with this right now. God this conversation wasn't the one he wanted to be having right now. Certainly not in a room full of people waiting to put him in cryo and- Glancing over to his side, Bucky could see T'Challa standing further off to the side trying to give them privacy, but clearly being in hearing distance. 

Bucky could feel the bond pressing against the wall dividing his mind from his mate’s. Bucky had been steadily building the wall as their bond had reformed for protection against this very thing. Steve wanted inside of his head. He wanted to feel what Bucky was feeling. He wanted to give Bucky the chance to feel what he was, but Bucky slammed a force of anger against the barrier keeping their bond silent. He raised his head to stare up at Steve when the omega let out a sharp gasp from the rejection of the bond. 

_No. Never._ Bucky couldn't risk opening the bond up. God forbid he dug too deep, went the wrong path and found Steve's memories of that heat... No, that wasn’t right. Heats. Steve had admitted it.

"Don’t. Steve, please." Bucky rasped. "It's fine. I understand you thought I was dead. He... He might take you back if you ask for forgiveness." 

Why the hell was Bucky trying to console Steve right now? Maybe he shouldn't have said anything. All Steve wanted was a little affection before he went into cryo. The least he could have done was give Steve a firm grasp of his sleeved shoulder or something that didn't cause him to touch his skin. 

"That isn't it."

"T'Challa, I'm ready." Bucky called out over Steve's words and rose from the bed making his way to the cryogenic chamber.

"Bucky, please." Steve pleaded, desperate, reaching out a hand and grabbing a hold of his wrist. 

Bucky wrenched his wrist free and spun so that he faced Steve head on. His alpha revolted enraged when the scent of the other alpha had marked his skin along with his omega's scent.

Steve looked as if he were going to be ill, much like Bucky felt. Gritting his teeth, Bucky reassured himself that it wasn't a strong scent, that his own could mask it if he didn't focus too much on it. He'd be in cryo and wouldn't even scent it in that state. It was okay.

"Steve... Really, it is fine, okay. I... Things are different now. We're in a different time and I can't even be an acceptable alpha for you. You found someone and... It is what it is."

"No." Steve stubbornly interjected, eyes hardening with purpose. 

" _Enough_." Bucky snarled with authority. His alpha wished to be heard, and, as soon as Bucky used his alpha voice, he regretted it. Steve flinched back as if Bucky had struck him and shakily wrapped his arms around himself, shrinking inward. Features completely torn by Bucky’s utter rejection of him. 

It hurt to see it, because Steve wasn’t a weak omega. Never had been. Even before Steve took the super serum, he’d always been just, courageous, and willing to help others. It was why Bucky fell so hard for him. Now, because Bucky was hurting, refused to listen, and used his alpha voice against Steve, the omega felt helpless. 

Bucky fought back the need to comfort Steve, because right now, more than comforting Steve, Bucky needed time to adjust. Somberly, not looking back at the pitiful image of the great Captain America, Bucky gave a nod to T’Challa and entered the cryogenic capsule. Shutting his eyes, Bucky heard the soft whimper of his name spill out from Steve’s lips before darkness took him into a deep sleep.

  



	2. Chapter 2

When Bucky came to awareness it happened in stages. Overcome by a multitude of scents. His nostrils flared, mind working a mile a minute attempting to categorize them. Relaxing his body, Bucky let himself pinpoint each scent as they became distinguishable. 

Rosewood was the first scent that registered. 

Opening his eyes, the brightness of the room slowly dimmed to soft hues. When his eyes adjusted, he met Steve’s stare. It was the first he focused on. How could he not when the man loomed over him, blurring the sight of the others he could scent? Those soft blue stared at him with such wonder that Bucky felt his lips twitch in the beginnings of a smile. Then he remembered... Inhaling Steve’s scent, it was confirmed yet again that Steve wasn’t just his. The smile died immediately after and he turned his head away from the omega’s stare to catch the stares of the others in the room.

Bucky lay in a bed, the same he’d been in the day he was placed into a cryogenic state. Steve was sitting at the edge of the bed, their hips pressed against each other, though thankfully, their clothing protected them from any skin on skin contact. This, Bucky could tolerate for the time, because although he rather not be this close to Steve, he was still working through the overload of senses. It was always like this whenever he came out of cryo. It normally took him an hour or so to become accustomed to everything.

Curiously, Bucky glanced over to his left shoulder, half expecting it to be armless. Only, he was pleasantly surprised to find that a new arm of vibranium metal was attached to his shoulder. It closely resembled the old one, but this one had no red star. Bucky felt so much within at the realization that he no longer bore that particular marking of Hydra, and flexed his metal arm and hand, fascinated.

Pinpointing all the scents around him, Bucky distinguished the dozen or so medical personnel, T’Challa, Natasha Romanov, and Sam Wilson. The last three of them stood to the other side of his bed, staring at him with various degrees of interest and caution. Bucky was used to those types of looks. It was very rare an occurrence where someone would look at him with an all encompassing trust. In fact, he hadn’t had anyone look at him like that since... Well... Steve. 

T’Challa was the most relaxed of the three, but maybe it was because of the alpha confidence that seemed to emit from him. His eyes were far more welcoming of him than Natasha or Sam. 

“Welcome back, Mr. Barnes.” T’Challa greeted. “Its been a year since you were place in a cryogenic state. I’m pleased to tell you that we have successfully removed the trigger from your mind.”

Bucky sat up and pushed himself against the back of the bed. Meeting Steve’s stare with his own. Steve hadn’t looked away from him once, he’d felt his constant stare. His eyes were expressive as ever, seeming to ask for attention and care. 

Bucky wasn’t ready for that. Instead, he turned his sights to T’Challa and ignored the other two Avengers. It wasn’t that he didn’t like them... Rather, he didn’t know them well enough to. Sam... He’d battled alongside of, but really he hadn’t had time to form a friendship with either of them. He didn’t want to kill them, so that was a perk in his book. 

“Are you sure?” Bucky lived so many years a slave for Hydra that hearing that he was free from their mental manipulations was... It was almost unimaginable.

“Yes, my friend, we’ve done multiple tests and have found no visible stimulation when implementing them.” T’Challa assured. “However, if you wish to go through a test while you are conscious we can do so.” 

Bucky shook his head no. He didn’t need it. He believed T’Challa and he rather never hear those words in formation again. Too many memories of the missions that followed them left him haunted.

“No. I believe you.” Bucky turned his attention to the silently listening Natasha and Sam, before forcing himself to meet Steve’s gaze.

He understood why Steve and T’Challa were there for his waking, but not the other two. Steve knew Bucky well enough to read his thoughts and spoke up.

“A lot has happened since you went into cryo. I obviously freed the others who were locked up. We remained in hiding until the world needed our help again. The accords realized our need in the world and we made an agreement with them-“

“More like you blackmailed them if they wanted our help.” Sam muttered low and let out a huff of breath when Natasha elbowed his stomach. 

“What? You can’t keep it a secret for long. I mean that is the reason why they pardoned James.” 

Bucky’s eyes widened in astonishment and turned his attention to Steve to find some validation of these facts. He’d thought he would still have to live in hiding, but this... Steve had... For him? He’d waged the death of the world for his protection. Sure the other Avengers had been a part of the deal, but for Bucky... That was a different story. The world must have truly been in peril if they’d given into Steve’s demands. 

“Sam.” Steve gritted, irritation visible in his eyes and tone.

Glancing back to Bucky, Steve’s gaze wavered before lowering to the bed and to Bucky’s hand. The alpha could see just how much Steve wanted to grab a hold of it, to touch Bucky in anyway, so he could receive and give affection. Bucky felt something unsettle in the pit of his stomach and moved his hand to rest on his lap and further away from the omega, creating distance. 

“There are rules that you must follow to receive a pardon. It is only temporary. Just until you prove that you are no longer a... threat.” Steve spoke weakly, almost guilty. 

“What kind of rules.” Bucky felt wary at the realization Steve couldn’t meet his stare head on.

“You are to be under the custody of Avengers, specifically under my supervision. You can be out in public, but only if you are accompanied by a Avenger member. They can stay far back enough to give you the illusion of being alone- I know it isn’t the same, but... It is what has to be done.” Steve said the last with much sympathy and understanding, and that only worked to agitate Bucky, regardless of his growing frustration, Steve continued. 

“You must reside within Avengers compound until the accords feel that you are safe to be reintegrated into society, unsupervised... I tried Buck, I did, but after everything... The accords won’t give you a _full_ pardon until they feel you’ve proven yourself.”

Bucky didn’t say anything after that. What could he say? Of course, he’d been given a new set of handlers and rules to abide by. He’d left Hydra to be controlled by the Avengers. Honestly looking at his situation, Bucky could see that Avengers were a far better option than Hydra. 

Bucky would be monitored for who knew how long... by the Avenger’s yes, but specifically, Steve. Meaning, no matter how much Bucky didn’t want to be around his... _the omega_ , that would not be happening soon.

Bucky looked over to Natasha and Sam, finally realizing why they were here even when Steve hadn’t yet gotten to that part. 

They were in Wakanda and Bucky was experienced at fighting and hiding. If he wanted, he could easily disappear, and although there was a part of him that wanted to run, he wouldn’t. Steve would come for him regardless of his wants. That was just who he was, and sadly, there was still a part of him that wanted to be with Steve. Even when it was painful. Even when his senses rebelled. He still wanted to see Steve, but he had rather it had been on his terms.

Instead, he was here with Steve, a man he both wanted and wanted away from, and Avenger members. There to ensure he went with them easily. That he didn’t run. 

Bucky lowered his head, giving up. He would not run. He wasn’t the Winter Soldier anymore. Not entirely. Right now, in this moment, he felt like broken-hearted James Barnes, called fondly Bucky by the omega he once thought he’d love and be loved by for their whole life.

. . .

Bucky hadn’t said a word to Steve, Natasha, or Sam. In fact, other than thanking T’Challa for all he’d done to help him and giving his goodbye, Bucky had remained quiet.

It wasn’t that Bucky hadn’t the chance to speak with any of them. Steve was rather insistent with his efforts. Near desperate as they’d made it inside the Avenger aircraft, and was about to take the seat beside Bucky’s own, but then Sam called him over to assist with flying the craft. In the end, Natasha took Steve’s place beside him. There, Natasha hadn’t said a word until they were up in the air. All the while, Sam was purposefully keeping Steve seated with him by talking non-stop. 

Bucky could see what the two were doing. Sam was distracting Steve long enough so that Natasha could get a chance to talk with him. He waited for it and only felt a mild sense of acceptance of their tactic when Natasha spoke. Her words were soft enough to go undetected by the agitated co-pilot Steve. The omega’s body language clearly spoke volumes with how he shifted in his seat, and how he tried to cut off Sam’s attempts at deriving vital information from him. 

“I understand you’ve gone through a lot, but you could be a little more understanding. What you did to Steve before going into the cryogenic chamber... _That_ was cruel. He’s waited a year to resolve this, the least you can do is acknowledge him.” 

Bucky’s alpha rose from the shadows of his mind on edge, anger building within at the woman’s nerve. How dare she try and give him advice when she didn’t understand herself? These people, they weren’t like himself. They didn’t have enhanced senses like he and Steve did. Their senses were deluded. 

The people of today wolves were dormant. They couldn’t shift into their full wolf form. Their instincts were near mute. They didn’t have heightened senses like Steve, or as distinct as Bucky’s. Not to mention that male omegas of today were infertile. They could only scent status and form half bonds with those they wished to mate. The bonds mated couples made were only half bonds, because somewhere over time they could no longer form soul bonds. The belief was that with the devaluing of bonds and the lack of embracing their wolf side, people lost many of the abilities Steve and Bucky retained. 

“He was hurting. _Really_ hurting without you. You don’t-“ The redhead omega’s words broke as emotion clogged her throat. 

Bucky eyes slid over to analyze her and saw that the woman’s eyes glistened as she glared at him.

“He loves you, you fool. He only asked for Tony’s help because his heats were so terrible. Sometimes close friends will do that for each other. That’s why Tony... Look, if you really want to hate someone, hate me. I, more than the rest, pushed Steve to move on. No one knew you were alive, if we did we never would have- I never would have. Most certainly, Steve would never have...” Natasha blew out a frustrated breath and ran her hand through her hair, contemplating how to express herself clearly. 

“I understand the two of you come from a different time, that your people bonded differently then. I didn’t like seeing him depressed and alone. I thought he could adapt to our beliefs. I was the one who convinced him that he needed a alpha he trusted to help him through his heats. It worked physically, but the mentality of those of your time and people of today differ drastically. I was wrong. _I’m sorry._ Don’t make him suffer because of my mistake.”

Bucky couldn’t help it and growled deep within his chest, vibrating with a threat that meant immediate danger if the woman didn’t stop talking. He didn’t hate Steve. Bucky wasn’t sure he could ever hate him, but something about the way she’d said it made him worry that Steve might not know that. 

If Bucky had to hate someone it should be Natasha Romanov? Well, okay, Bucky was fine with blaming someone, hating someone, and now the omega had just painted herself as his target. 

At the threat of his growl, Natasha’s face hardened, lean muscles flexing, preparing herself if Bucky so much as moved an inch. 

“Bucky!” Steve cried out with concern and left Sam to blabber on alone as he rushed to the alpha.

“What’s wrong? What happened? Are you okay, Bucky?” Steve blasted out a number of questions. He stood no more than a foot away from them now, his hands raised half way, wanting to touch and comfort. Feel and interpret and seek reassurance.

Inhaling a deep breath, Bucky leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes. He refused to speak. Why bother. There was no point to anything now. Nothing was right in his life. Everything was wrong. Steve wasn’t his and he couldn’t simply seek any comfort when he... with... Now he had Natasha’s words running through his head and he really just wanted silence. 

Natasha stood from her seat and raised her own hand out to give Steve’s tense shoulder a reassuring squeeze. 

“Sorry Steve. I think I asked too many questions about Hydra and upset your mate.” 

Bucky felt his upper lip curl in revolt of her word usage and not because of the lie. He rather not have Steve know what they spoke of. No, his issue was with her use of the word ‘mate’, because however badly Bucky wanted to believe that, right now they sure as hell didn’t feel like mates. 

“Nat.” Steve admonished softly, obviously not pleased with her, but still holding her close in regards to friendship.

“I know, I’m sorry. Take my seat. I’ll go and help Sam.”

Bucky heard the Black Widow leave before scenting and feeling the body heat of Steve as he took the open seat at his side.

Rosewood was such an appealingly soft and sweet scent. Bucky had loved it at first sniff and there had been a time where he couldn’t get enough of it. He could remember many nights that they spent making love just burying his face against Steve’s scent gland, drinking it up. Or how he’d woken many mornings curled close to his omega, nose wedges against his mate’s scent gland. Steve loved being scented by Bucky as much as he’d loved scenting Steve.

“Bucky.” Steve said like so many times in their past. In a way that asked for forgiveness and love. Only this time Bucky could not forgive and could not love. Steve had done something unforgivable. 

Bucky remembered Steve’s and Natasha’s words, and both of them mentioned an unforgivable offense. No matter that Steve thought him dead, there was no ignoring this. They came from a time when their wolves were of the purest strain. The most strongest in history. The most loyal.

_Heats..._

Affirmed again. Plural.

“Do you know that my Hydra handlers tried to rape me?” Bucky found himself saying it as if he were talking about the weather, maybe it was because it was easier if he remained neutral when bringing up those memories.

The sharp whine that escaped what he knew to be the most beautiful of lips did something to Bucky’s heart. Made it hurt. Made him angry.

“Not just once, but many times. They tried to make me submit. Thought they could damage my mental state in order to make me a better soldier. I killed them. All of them. They never got further than a inappropriate touch. Most stopped trying when I cut off a handler’s cock and shoved it down his throat until he suffocated to death.”

“Bucky.” Steve spoke shakily, weariness in his tone.

Bucky inhaled the pungent scent of devastation and rage, but that rage wasn’t coming from rosewood. No, that was coming from the scent of coconut, Natasha. The omega was most likely eavesdropping. Good. Let her be pissed. She’d hurt Bucky.

“You know why I did that? I did that because I loved you. I was tortured, received the worst punishments for it, but I gladly took them because I loved you. Even after they took my memories away, whenever a fool of a handler tried to touch me in that way, they didn’t survive. Instinct. My wolf told me they were not my mate. My wolf never forgot it had a mate, even when my mind did.”

“Bucky, please.” Steve begged for him to stop. Maybe because he’d used the word loved too many times? Past tense. Maybe because he was saying things about his past that were too painful to hear? Or maybe because he knew where Bucky was heading with this personal confession. 

“How about you, Steve? Your omega must have suffered without me? You must have missed me terribly? Is that why you didn’t fight harder to save yourself from that plane crash? Did you want to die, because I did?”

Bucky opened his eyes then and slowly turned to meet Steve’s tearful eyes. The omega’s bottom lip trembled a fraction, his shoulders shrunk in, head bowed, contrite.

“You never forgot me. You had memories I did not. You knew you were mated, and even so, you...” Bucky felt great shame when his eyes watered themselves and he scented his own grief.

“I love you, Bucky. I never stopped loving you. I... I was alone. I just needed to feel cared for during... during.”

“Say it Steve. You needed to be cared for during your most vulnerable. During the time you are most fertile. Another alpha cared for you. Did they treat you right? Did they...” Bucky angrily swept away a stray tear. “Did Stark give you what I didn’t? I would have given you that family we wanted so much, but the war... Did you finally-“

“ _No!_ God no, Bucky. It wasn’t like that! Stark was only there to-“

“I want a divorce.” Bucky pushed through Steve’s words, not being able to hear more of it. Not being able to handle any of this really, but knowing he could never be what Steve wanted. He’d be making them both suffer if he didn’t end this now. It was better they started on clear ground. Bucky wasn’t capable of forgiving, nor did he ever think he could bare to touch Steve again. Not skin on skin contact. What kind of relationship was that?

Steve strangled out a wounded noise, staring at Bucky as if he’d just ripped his heart out with his metal fist.

“Bucky, please. Don’t. I know I’ve been a terrible omega. I know I’ve hurt you, but we can get through this.”

“No, we can’t.” Bucky closed his eyes again and pressed his head to the wall of the aircraft with a thud. “I’m not the same as I was. Maybe if I was different, but... We never died, so our marriage is still legal. I want a divorce and... we can talk about breaking our bond at a later time.”

Bucky didn’t listen to anything Steve said after that. He ignored the growing rage from the two other Avengers in the aircraft, and instead focused on his own breathing. Shutting away his emotions, Bucky drifted to the deepest reassess of his mind to be joined by his wolf. Broken and alone. This was better. Steve could move on and have a healthy relationship. All Bucky could give him was pain, and Steve deserved better than that. 

The sooner they divorced and broke their bond, Steve could work through that pain and find a happy life with the perfect alpha. An alpha that could actually touch him. Steve deserved better than the broken Winter Soldier. Steve Rogers deserved to find happiness.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving!
> 
> I’ll be five pounds heavier when I post next. 
> 
> :)
> 
> #Yams/Pies!

Bucky knew things wouldn’t be easy, especially for Steve. The omega always valued the system of marriage and bonds. He held family with the highest regard, so to have Bucky pull away... Well, that would be the most difficult to accept. 

Bucky was suffering too. Steve was everything to him. His best friend. His family. His mate. His world. Only... Bucky wasn’t right for Steve. His mind was a mess. He was haunted by the thousands of deaths he’d caused. He felt cut off from the world that was so unlike his own. He felt left behind by the one familiarity he had in this world, Steve.

He wanted the omega, but couldn’t understand him. This Steve was different from his own. Steve wasn’t the type to believe bedding another person would be acceptable to help one through their heat. That sense of logic didn’t enter the minds of those of the past easily. Their instincts didn’t allow for it. Their devotion transcended death. 

Steve changed. His ideology was altered to a degree Bucky was struggling to accept. Attempting to understand. 

Bucky’s wolf classified Steve’s _assistance_ as adultery. To his logical sense, he classified it as desperation and comfort. 

Bucky’s enhanced senses were manageable, except for the ability to scent almost everything. That was their true issue. It hurt to smell that scent following rosewood every time he was near Steve. That pine stabbed his heart each inhale of it he took. His wolf grieved for the betrayal and Bucky felt physically repulsed by it. 

Bucky wished he could accept Steve, but the only way that could happen was if he altered his ability to scent. Hydra once contemplated destroying his ability to smell in order to remove the sensory overload that came from it. They decided against it, because Bucky’s alpha would deteriorate. Wolves were sensitive with their senses and their inability to be a proper wolf. If Bucky’s alpha felt it was incapable of being a hunter, blinded without one sense, it would breakdown. Destroy itself to such a degree that would leave him mentally altered. 

Bucky wished his senses were similar to Steve’s own. If they never gave him that botched super serum than he would never have had this issue now. He could be with Steve. Maybe never have learned of what he and... Or, even if Steve had confessed to being with that other alpha, he could learn to forgive? Steve hadn’t known he was alive. Steve had been alone in this world and grieving for all those he’d lost and of course his heats must have been terrible, knowing that his mate was gone. 

Bucky shouldn’t think about what could be anymore. It wouldn’t change what was now. 

Now, Bucky lived with the Avengers, outside of New York. In a place surrounded by foliage and dirt paved roadways. Hidden from the world. A place that looked like a facility on the outside, but the interior resembled a spacious home. There were five levels to the building. Each being divided among the members of the Avengers. There was a battle simulator, a medical floor, even a sectioned off area for scientific research. The last, most likely built for Bruce Banner and Anthony Stark.

Steve gave Bucky a tour that ended with them on the third floor of the building on the north side. That particular section was Steve’s living space. He shared his floor with Sam, but Sam’s living quarter was on the south end. Far enough away that Bucky could hardly scent him, nor hear him unless he focused on it. 

By the end of the tour Bucky was rather relieved they ended back at Steve’s living quarters. It was spacious with open space everywhere. The lighting was bright with floor to ceiling windows. The sun room was full of painting equipment and canvases, most of the finished paintings were covered in cloth to keep them protected from dust and harsh sunlight. It was a space Steve must love dearly. When they’d lived in that shack of a small apartment so long ago, Steve could never afford to have such equipment, lighting, or space to paint. A part of Bucky felt pleased to find that the omega had that now in his life. A life that was obviously disturbed by his reappearance. 

“So... Uh... I could make lunch if you’re hungry?”

Bucky was starving, but more than the hunger, he wanted to be left alone.

“Not at the moment. I think I’ll just- I would like to rest.” Bucky stared off and down a hall where he knew the rooms of the living quarters should be. 

Steve hadn’t shown him the rooms, specifically which room was his. He didn’t want to risk looking around. Not being able to stand the idea of going into Steve’s room by accident. He didn’t want to risk being overwhelmed by the scent of rosewood. God forbid. He most certainly did not want to risk the chance of scenting pine. 

“Oh... Okay.” Steve was disheartened by the thought that Bucky wouldn’t be spending more time in his presence, his hand raised to rub the back of his neck- a nervous habit Steve had done since they were in grade school. 

Moving towards the hall, Steve showed him to the first room, opening the door to reveal a room full of even more covered canvases, stacked against the walls. A simple table held even more art equipment than what he’d found in the sun room. This obviously was the storage space for most of Steve’s works and the omega said as much before moving to the other rooms

There were two guest rooms fully furnished and Steve told Bucky that he had his pick of the two. The only room that Bucky had yet to see was Steve’s bedroom and he was most certain he would never go in the direction of it. Fearful that his heightened senses might be able to scent pine within. That wasn’t to say that Steve spent his heats with that alpha in the room, but most likely he had. Bucky highly doubted that Steve would have had the strength and sense to make it to the alpha’s living quarters.

Bucky chose the guest room furthest from Steve’s own. It was decorated in pale greens and there was a large window that gave a pleasant view of the outdoors. It would do for the time being. Apparently, the Avengers were setting up his own living area. He’d be sharing his floor with Thor, a god he’d heard some about from Steve, but not enough to feel comfortable about sharing a floor with a stranger. It was still better than sharing a space with his husband. ~~Ex husband?~~ Estranged husband. All he knew was that he would wait for the time he’d finally be able to escape the scent of rosewood.

Steve stood nearby, staring up at him hopefully, wishing he wouldn’t rest and instead remain beside him for longer. Bucky would have to disappoint the omega because unlike Steve, he needed space. Sparing the omega a brief glance and a tilt of his head of a parting, Bucky entered his chosen room and shut the door behind him. Having a moment’s hesitation before locking the door. Logically knowing it wouldn’t do much to stop any of the Avenger’s from entering if they truly wished to. Still, it afforded him the comfort of being alerted to a imminent invasion.

. . .

Three weeks had come and gone, and in that time Bucky hardly left the room he’d taken to regarding as his den. Steve came and knocked at his door at least five times in a day, checking up with him, and leaving meals set outside of his door.

Bruce Banner came at the end of the third week for a visit. He had a therapist he knew well and felt would be able to assist him with his transition. He thought it would be a good idea for him to receive some counseling. Bucky agreed only because he could hear the concern. If he remained as he was, they might force him to come out of his den for worry he would hurt himself or others. If the therapist reassured them he wasn’t intending to do either, they might leave him be. 

Steve was ever constant with one late night routine of theirs. After Bucky set out his finished dinner tray, Steve would take it back to the kitchen. He would then spend the time required to clean up. After, he would stand on the other side of Bucky’s bedroom door. He’d stand there for painfully long moments. Sometimes Bucky could hear him inhale deeply with his sensitive hearing. The omega desperate to scent his pheromones, even from beyond the door. Terribly, Bucky would find himself taking silent steps closer. A part of his alpha giving in this little bit, knowing Steve was in distress and needed his alpha pheromones for comfort. 

Sometimes it would end there. Steve would leave after receiving his comforting scent. Steve had always said he’d loved Bucky’s scent, even before they’d presented. Steve hadn’t been the only one who’d complemented him on his scent. Many alphas had bitter strong scents that most found unpleasant, but for their true mate. There were few alphas like Bucky- That had a scent that made most take a second, third, and forth scenting of. Steve said Bucky smelled of lemongrass, a perfect mixture of bitter and sweet. A scent that both relaxed and aroused his mate. 

There were sadly more times than not that scenting would lead to Bucky scenting the pure despair rolling off of Steve. Those times his alpha would whine within, pained because it could still detect the pine. It would never wash off of the omega, no matter how many times he showered. Those days, Steve would give into his desperate pleas.

Tonight was one of those nights, but beyond the pleas came the explanation. Steve begged him to come out so they could talk face to face. He’d asked Bucky to give him the chance to talk about it, but Bucky never came out for that talk. The omega would leave to his room in defeat. Only today, Steve couldn’t take the distance anymore. He couldn’t wait for Bucky to come out for him. He wanted to talk, and so he was finally explaining all.

It started out with simple plea that shifted into an explanation, and Bucky had not mentally prepared himself for it.

“Don’t do it, Bucky, please. I... Since childhood all I’ve wanted was you. You are my everything. My first in all things and I want you to be my last.”

Bucky paced the floor of the room, staring outside and to the beautiful night. There was a half moon, the light of it cast a blue hue across the foliage. His wolf within longed to be set free and to run wild. Bucky hesitated for fear of what a shift would be like without one of his arms. T’Challa repaired his arm and understanding that he could shift, he even built his arm in such a way he could remove it at will. Bucky would never be able to repay the man for all he’d done for him, but given that T’Challa tried to kill him several times over a misunderstanding. He felt they could call it even between them.

“Tony is... We don’t have those kinds of feelings for each other. Sharing heats in this time doesn’t mean I have to love the alpha.” Steve awkwardly spoke and Bucky winced at the harshness of his words. Too much. Bucky didn’t want to hear anything else. 

“Steve, stop talking.” Bucky’s voice was hoarse from disuse and pain of this conversation.

“Bucky... I know you must be going through a lot, but we need to talk about this. We can’t just sweep it under the rug. I need you to understand it never changed my feelings for you. I love you. If you could just... just remember our love, we could move-“

“I can’t.” Bucky couldn’t because he would forever smell that alpha on Steve and he couldn’t even stand to touch him because his senses told him it was wrong. He... He loved Steve. Bucky still loved Steve, but his wolf felt physically ill when nearing his tainted scent. 

“Go to bed, Steve. It is late.” It wasn’t really, but Bucky really wanted away. His wolf felt restless.

“I can’t sleep, Bucky. I haven’t been able to sleep right for over a year now. I can’t sleep when I know you are hurting, and I was the one to hurt you.” 

_God_ , Steve sounded like he was crying now. Inhaling a deep breath, Bucky confirmed the scent of salty tears and palmed his face. His heart pulsed in agony, all as his stomach roiled sickeningly. Bucky needed to be away from Steve right now. 

“Go away.” Bucky growled, part anger, part hurt. Bucky couldn’t use his alpha voice, the last time he’d done so he’d hurt both of them terribly. Steve needed to realize they were no longer a _“us”_. Not now. Bucky was broken and Steve needed someone better. If being cold and distant wasn’t doing it... Bucky- unwilling as he might be- would have to be cruel.

“Bucky.” Steve whimpered and that was equally cruel of the omega. Bucky hated when Steve sounded like that. Like Bucky had just slapped him.

“You slept with someone else. You shared multiple heats with them. That is unforgivable. I don’t... I...” Bucky didn’t like his tone, didn’t like that he had to be cruel, but he was doing this for Steve. 

“I can’t stand your scent. I smell him on you, no matter how many showers you take, or how much scent blocker you use. I can _still_ smell him on you... It sickens me.”

Steve didn’t say anything. The sharp inhale of a sob was his answer and Bucky’s vision blurred as he continued his cruelty. 

“You opened your legs for another alpha. You bred with that- You... The moment you took another alpha’s knot, you put an end to our marriage and bond. I _will_ divorce you and break this bond- Even if it kills me.”

Bucky heard the shuffle of feet as the omega took several steps away from the door. _Good_. Steve needed to leave, give up, so Bucky could stop having to be cruel. 

“We’re true mates.” Steve rasped helplessly, voice muffled, most probably from cutting off his sobs. 

“I lived a life with you once, but that life is gone. We’re in a new time. You found yourself a alpha. Now I’ll find myself a omega.” Bucky hatefully scrubbed his own tears away from his face. Purposefully using his metal hand and placing more force than necessary, scraping away layers of his skin. It stung. Bled. _Good_. He deserved it. _No_. Actually, he deserved worse.

Bucky kept himself together until he heard the stumbling steps of Steve depart from near his door and the soft click of Steve’s bedroom door shutting with the omega within. Bucky kneeled on the ground, bowing his head low, and pressing his forehead against the carpet. With all his strength, Bucky held back his sobs, bitting deep into the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood. Wrapping his arms around himself, holding himself tight, he shut his eyes to the world. His wolf was there, embracing his tattered mind, close, whimpering with the sobs he would not allow himself. He couldn’t risk Steve hearing him and realizing he was hurting just as much for saying such cruel things to the one person he loved more than anything else in this world. 

_Steve would heal from the cruelty of his words. He’d hate him, but he would heal, and move on. Then he could love someone better than him._


	4. Chapter 4

Bucky was sure he hurt Steve with his terribly cruel words. When the omega was suddenly absent, having volunteered for Avenger missions, Bucky knew it was because of him. Sam went with Steve on most of those missions. Steve was ever driven with destroying Hydra, even more so now after seeing how they’d damaged his alpha. 

In Steve’s place, another Avenger came to check up on him. Clint Barton brought him pre-made meals and set them outside of his door. Clint didn’t hover around like Steve. So long as Bucky banged his fist against the door, (hard enough to feel the vibrations) a confirmation that he was still alive, Clint would leave him in peace.

Bucky didn’t mind Steve’s absence. In fact, he found himself feeling relieved. He no longer had to scent the disappointment on the omega. No longer had to hear his pleas. If he were lucky, Bucky would go several minutes without thinking about him.

The therapist Bruce referred came for their first session a week after Steve left for a mission. For these sessions, Bucky gave into therapist Debrah Hughes request they have them out in the living room. Bucky didn’t much like being out of his den. It’d taken some time to make the room smell strongly of his scent and he didn’t like leaving it to go to the living room that smelled so strongly of his tainted husband’s scent. 

The sessions started off badly. The first few sessions Bucky hardly spoke. When he did, he spoke about meaningless things. He’d categorized safe topics, and those were the only ones he would talk about. Things such as the weather, air quality, and what he’d learned about the worlds politics from television. 

Debrah was willing to follow his lead, but after the second week of this she began to steer the conversations where she felt was needed.

“You know the full moons tonight, don’t you?” Debrah spoke softly. She was seated in a blue and white floral chair, notepad resting on her lap, fingers rolling her pen. She was an elderly woman with salt and pepper hair pulled back in a loosely spiraled bun. 

Upon their first meeting Bucky contemplated if the reason that Bruce referred her wasn’t just because of her skill, but also because of her age. If she wasn’t raised with the same beliefs as Bucky, than surely her parents and grandparents had been. She would carry more understanding about his beliefs than a younger therapist might. In the end, Bucky really didn’t care. None of what she would say could change what had become of his life. 

“I know.” Bucky acknowledged, knowing where she was leading their conversation, but he would not make it easy on her. If she really wanted an answer she’d have to come out and ask it herself. Bucky would not talk more about anything unless she did so. He wasn’t a rambler. A man of few words, but what he said was always important. 

“Will you be shifting?” 

_There it was._

“No.”

“May I ask why?”

“You may?” 

The ends of Debrah’s lips curved up in a slight smile at Bucky’s evasiveness, and gave a soft tip of her head at it. 

“You- from what I’ve read- are like Steve Rogers. Mr. Rogers shifts regularly, not just on the full moon. So why do you refuse to shift?” 

Bucky glanced over to his hands resting on his knees and rubbed them against the fabric of his pants. Well, they weren’t his, more Steve’s as he’d bought them. Steve purchased many outfits for Bucky. Hell, he’d even given him credit cards just in case he didn’t like the clothing Steve got him. Apparently, Steve thought it was perfectly normal for Bucky to have his own cards. Steve said he had a joint bank account for them. What was his was also Bucky’s, or that was what he’d said as he’d given him his new identification, bank, and credit cards.

Bucky didn’t like the idea of being tied to Steve in another way, but until he could man up and reintegrate himself into the world, it would stay as it was. Bucky had always been the moneymaker, the supporter in their relationship, so he was sure this was just his stupid alpha instincts telling him this was strange. Steve, of course, didn’t see it like that. It was his omega nurturing side showing itself in the way he was trying to support and care for Bucky who wasn’t alright. 

“I haven’t turned since I was captured by Hydra. They didn’t want to risk the possibility of me becoming feral. They thought I would become aggressive towards them, so I wasn’t allowed to shift. The metal arm was another reason why I hadn’t turned when I was free from my handlers completing missions. T’Challa repaired my arm, so I can shift, but still.... even now I just... I’m not sure.” Bucky didn’t much like talking about his past, but he wasn’t strongly opposed to doing so with Debrah. He didn’t know her, nor did he care for her. She was a stranger and so it was easier to tell her these things. He’d never be able to talk so openly with someone he cared about, like Steve. 

“Why do you think that is?”

“I... My wolf. Being a wolf, it’s... People of today don’t understand, because they can’t shift, but... When we shift, we are at our most purest of selves. We respond without thought. Instinct is a honesty that sometimes...” Bucky wasn’t sure if Debrah could follow his explanation, but it was rather difficult to put his feelings into words when discussing his wolf.

“You fear expressing your true feelings, because your wolf doesn’t hide itself in lies as we as people do within our minds.” Debrah realized and when Bucky hesitantly nodded in agreement, she smiled kindly and jotted something onto her paper.

“Do you fear shifting when Mr. Rogers is here.” 

Bucky swallowed thickly and nodded again, almost guilty at his response.

“Why is that?”

“I... He... It’s all... There are a lot of unresolved issues between us and... well... I’m not sure how my alpha wolf will deal with it all. I could... I could hurt him for the pain he has caused me.” Bucky confessed his deepest fears and he felt Debrah’s warm honey brown analyzing him.

“How has he hurt you?” Debrah was shifting their conversation away from his wolf and going deeper into things that made his heart hurt and his stomach churn sickeningly, but Bucky wouldn’t fight her on it. He needed this. He needed to talk to someone about how he was feeling. The fact Debrah was a stranger was the main reason this wasn’t as difficult. It was cathartic.

“Hydra experimented on me, more than once. One thing they did was inject a imitation of the super serum that was used on Steve Rogers. I... The changes were rather marvelous for Hydra’s expectations. I was physically stronger than the average man, faster, and could even heal quicker. All of my senses were heightened, but my sense of smell was enhanced ten times more so than any other wolf. It became a debilitating sense, in that if I was suddenly exposed to too many scents, my other senses weakened. It made my ability to fight another opponent or completing a mission more difficult, if not impossible. There is no cure for it. Instead, Hydra built a mask to filter all the overwhelming scents so that I could preform effectively.”

“I see.” Debrah wrote something else in her notepad.

“I can smell everything. I can smell for miles away if I choose to. I can even smell how many partners one has had, which is why Steve and I... Our relationship is destroyed because of it.”

Debrah paused mid-scribble in her notepad to raise her head and stare with contemplation at Bucky.

“Are you implying that you scented Steve Rogers and he-“

“He slept with someone else. Anthony Stark.” Bucky bitterly admitted. 

“Oh.” Debrah exhaled softly, compassion written in her eyes. Comprehension slowly turning in her mind.

“The way you were raised... In that time, something like this-“

“Yes. I asked Steve for a divorce already.”

Debrah didn’t say anything for a moment, merely stared at him. Analyzing whatever was expressed in Bucky’s eyes as he stared down at his hands that squeezed his knees. 

“Are you sure that is what you want?”

“Yes...”

“That didn’t sound like a person who is sure.” 

“I.... It is what must be. I can’t be with Steve when his scent makes me sick. My alpha doesn’t want him, because all it can focus on is that other alpha’s scent.”

Debrah stared for a long time at Bucky who was now rubbing the fabric of his pants, feeling the roughness of his jeans. When Debrah sat straighter in her chair and set the notepad on the armrest of her chair to lean in Bucky’s direction, the alpha raised his eyes to meet the beta’s own. 

“That isn’t completely true. If the only thing stopping you from being with Steve Rogers is your hightened sense of smell, there might be something we can do to fix that. With your permission, I would like to speak with Mr. Banner. He might be able to figure out a way to dull your senses enough so that you can be with your omega. In the meantime, I’ve recently began working on partnering scent therapy. I know of a omega who suffers from scenting issues much like you. I believe additional therapy sessions between the two of you could help condition both of your senses enough so that you both could mentally control your responses exponentially.”

Bucky listened to the doctor with more interest and hope than he had since they’d met. If there was such a possibility, Bucky would take it.

“So I guess the most important question I should ask is... are you willing to try?” Dr. Hughes was genuinely earnest in her pursuit to help him, he could clearly see it.

Bucky didn’t have to think about whether or not he was willing to try.

“Yes.”


	5. Chapter 5

It had been well over two weeks since Bucky and Debrah Hughes’ therapy session. In that time several noticeable occurrences had happened. He’d gone for a thorough physical exam performed by Banner and another doctor who specialized in cases of hyperosmia. The meeting between the three was done in confidence and Bucky was reassured by everyone involved that none of what they were doing would reach the ears of the rest of the Avengers. Their results were less than desired and Bucky told himself he’d expected as much, but for it to be confirmed again was deeply unsettling. Banner promised that he’d continue to try. He’d speak with other specialists about his case, but Bucky wouldn’t hope for a miracle. The specialist who’d examined him had been one of New York’s most accomplished.

Steve returned the day after Bucky received the disheartening news. The night Steve returned, he lingered at Bucky’s bedroom door. The Winter Soldier hated how he wanted to move closer to the door, just to smell the omega that was standing outside of it. He wanted to, but the scent of pine always broke his heart.

“Bucky-“ Steve began, but before he could say more Bucky shot out his own question. One that had been nagging him since the omega left. 

“Were you hurt?” When there was no answer Bucky thought he should clarify. “From your missions. You weren’t hurt, were you?” 

Steve remained silent for a long moment, then he softly said that he hadn’t been injured. Bucky knew when Steve was lying, but this time he was not. Shutting his eyes and exhaling a breath he had not realized he’d been holding, Bucky felt relief.

The two stayed in the silence that did not feel so strained or awkward as it once had. At least that was how Bucky felt. Maybe it was because for the first time he had some hope that through therapy he could one day be with Steve?

Bucky would not overthink the possibility. He wouldn’t dream about what they could be again. All he could think about was trying. If he tried, he _might_ just have that chance. 

Steve left him with only a subtle inhale of his scent and Bucky could not falt him for it. If it were possible for Bucky, he’d have been scenting Steve through the door too.

. . . 

It was several days after Steve returned that Bucky found himself leaving his den and moving outside to the living area. He needed to talk to Steve. Debrah told him he needed to let Steve know. Bucky didn’t feel like having this conversation, but he understood that it was necessary. Steve was in the sun room, an area reserved for Steve’s painting.

Bucky found the omega standing in front of a blank canvas, paint brush hovering over his paint pallet. Steve had always taken that pose when contemplating what to paint, usually when he was suffering from a block. Stress tended to be the cause and Bucky could see that now was one of those times. 

Steve looked more handsome than he ever had. Bucky had been so focused on ignoring Steve, that he’d simply not taken in his features since he’d woken up in Wakanda. 

The omega was no longer clean cut with trimmed hair slicked back and away from his dashing face. Steve had a beard and his hair was noticeably longer. Bucky recalled all the times he’d complained about how short Steve’s hair was. Always wishing Steve would grow out his hair, because he wished so much to grab a hold of it like Steve could with his own. Steve didn’t want longer hair at the time. He’d said it didn’t suit his slender frame the way Bucky’s medium length hair suited the alpha’s build. Bucky could see that the artist was right, Steve would have looked like a hobo otherwise. Still, Bucky didn’t think that would have bothered him. He loved Steve no matter what.

Even now, when Bucky could clearly see the age on Steve’s face, weathered as it was, Bucky still thought Steve was the most attractive person he’d ever met. It was strange to think that he was older than Steve when the omega looked older than him now. Bucky was born in 1917, which made him thirty years old at the time of his supposed death. Steve was born in 1918. One year younger than Bucky, but unlike Bucky, Steve had lived a full two years out of ice, which had made him physically two years older than him. Then Bucky chose to go back into cryo which now made Steve thirty three years of age. That all didn’t matter, who cared who was older, because no matter what Steve would always be beautiful in Bucky’s eyes. Bucky could see the trials that Steve had gone through without him. Possibility more so in the last year- the crisis the Avengers were called to face?

Bucky’s alpha was a disgrace as it whimpered with longing. Sure, his wolf was furious with Steve’s actions, but the love for the omega was there. Bucky hurt from the betrayal, because whether or not the people of today understood it, it was still a betrayal. Not even a decade of being without Steve would lead Bucky to cheat on the memory of his mate and Bucky had gone decades without his mate. Even when his rutting season hit, Bucky never allowed any of his handlers near him. The last one who’d tried had suffered the painful death of his metal hand digging slowly through their stomach and up their chest to crush their heart. That man had officially been the last handler to try and rape him.

Regardless of all that, Bucky held a hope, fractured as it was, that there could be a possible future for them. So now looking at Steve, no longer ignoring him, it was all so much and Bucky did truly _long_ for him.

Sometime in between Bucky appreciating Steve’s features, changed as they might be from the man he knew, the omega scented his presence and turned in his direction.

“Bucky.” Steve gaped in surprise. The omega’s paint pallet tilting at a angle, causing the paints to slide and meld together, some trailing dangerously at the edge, before the omega realized it and placed both the paint pallet and brush down on a nearby table stand.

“Steve.” Bucky said with more force than he meant to when the omega moved in his direction, a look of panic and need in those pale blue. 

Bucky could understand Steve’s worry for Bucky’s sudden appearance. Since Bucky had entered Steve’s quarters he hadn’t stepped foot outside of his room, but for his therapy sessions, but Steve was never around when he met with his therapist. Steve never even saw Bucky when placing his meals in front of his door. Bucky always waited until Steve was away from the hall to take his meals inside the room and then place them outside of it when he had his fill. So of course he would only believe something was wrong if Bucky left his den.

Bucky didn’t want Steve closer than a handful of feet away at all times. The quarters reeked of the omega, but for the bedroom that now only smelled of himself. 

“What’s happened?”

“Nothings wrong. I just...” Bucky stared at Steve’s feet, a habit he had when he was unsure how to voice his thoughts. He tended to look at his or another person’s feet, that or his knees when conflicted and unsure of himself. Steve read him like an open book. “I just... I needed to talk with you.”

“Right. Yes. Of course. Buck, that’s all I’ve wanted since-“

“No.” Bucky cut through Steve’s disgorged expression of relief, because that wasn’t what he’d meant. It hurt to disappoint the omega, but he was not ready for _that_ conversation. “I didn’t mean... I didn’t want to... I just... I needed to talk some things over, things I’ve been thinking about.”

Bucky didn’t look up at Steve. No, he rather look at the omega’s pale feet than at that face, because whatever he would see would be terribly heartbreaking. 

“ _Oh..._ ” 

There it was, that soft utterance was full of understanding and disappointment. Bucky should have realized Steve would have taken his emerging from his den as his acknowledgement that they should talk about their relationship. He should have been clearer, even though he thought he was being clear. He should have worded himself differently, all so he didn’t have to hear or smell the hurt of the omega. If he’d been more clear he would not have had to stop Steve from approaching him with earnest need and then having to tell him not to. Steve’s scent was painful and having him come any closure was pure agony. 

Bucky took several more steps away from Steve and turned to stare off in the direction of the living room. Without explaining himself, believing it was clear he wished to have this conversation in the sitting area, Bucky seated himself in his designated chair. Well, it was the only one he ever sat in when having his therapy sessions, so, it felt like his. Bucky was sure Steve had scented that was where he’d taken to sitting since he’d left for missions. His suspicions were proven when upon sitting he could smell more of Steve’s scent than his own. Steve must have taken a liking to his chair, since it was the only thing available for Steve to scent that smelled of Bucky.

Bucky pretended not to notice it when he braved a glance up at Steve who’d taken to sitting himself across from him on the sofa, the wooden coffee table separating them. Bucky was appreciative of that. 

Steve didn’t say anything, it was clear to him that Bucky was the one that wished to speak, so he waited for the alpha to lead this discussion. 

“My therapist believes that it would be helpful to my mental health if I were to shift.” Bucky confessed. He didn’t divulge that Debrah refused to even begin the partnering scent therapy until he did so. She needed to be sure that his inner wolf was let out and given time to roam and be free. Calming his inner wolf was imperative to the betterment of his mental state as well as allowing himself to be more open to meeting this new omega. 

Steve’s eyes widened with surprise. Of course he’d be stunned, Bucky hadn’t shifted in so long and whenever Steve mentioned it through the door (usually when delivering meals) Bucky didn’t respond. If Bucky was being honest with himself, the very last time he’d shifted had been during the war. In the snow covered woods, beside his mate and away from the rest of their pack and other soldiers. They’d spent that night running wild. Bucky even caught them a deer to feast on. So proud of himself when the omega wolf had rumbled with approval. 

Bucky physically shook his head at the sudden memory of their mating under that beautiful full moon. That wasn’t what he needed to think about right now. 

“Okay. We can head to the woods whenever you wish it.”

Bucky lowered his eyes to stare down at Steve’s knees, before lowering his gaze further and instead focused on his own knees. Of course Steve thought he would be there for his shift. Since they’d first met, they’d always spent their shifts in each other’s presence. Only now, Bucky wasn’t so sure he could trust himself to shift around Steve. There were only two of the Avengers Bucky trusted himself to shift around. 

“I... Actually, I would rather have Barton and Wilson there for my shift.” 

The two were the best options. Not only could Wilson follow his wolf up in the air, but Barton was more than capable of tracking him on ground. Not to mention that their scents were far more agreeable than the rest of the Avengers. Bucky particularly sided with Clint’s scent. The omega smelled of mint and of his bonded alpha. He did have faint traces of two other alphas, past lovers, but his current alpha’s scent was of cedar and strong enough to nearly mask the other scents. Wilson, a alpha, smelled of cinnamon and over a dozen omegas. It wasn’t as displeasing as omegas smelling of numerous alphas, but it was tolerable from afar. If Wilson was in the air, than it would be just fine. 

“ _Oh_.” There it was again, that disappointment at the realization that Bucky didn’t want Steve near him. His inner wolf must be hurt by his constant rejection, but he would not risk hurting Steve.

“Is that possible?”

“Yes.” Steve rasped. The omega cleared his throat and added, “Of course it is possible.”

“I’d like to shift tonight.”

Steve inhaled a deep breath of the alpha’s scent and nodded, though Bucky was far more focused on his knees to notice.

“I’ll let them know.”

Bucky nodded and bit his tongue, not feeling sure about this, but knowing that it was the first step to healing. If he wanted a future with Steve, he needed to do this. Steve was more than capable of defending himself, it was the danger of his bond mate that left him vulnerable. All Bucky needed to do was use his alpha voice or growl a certain way and the omega would bend to his will and Bucky refused to allow that to happen. If his wolf were to get in reach of Steve, the omega could be seriously punished for the hurt he’d caused him. So Steve being in the Avenger facility was a safer option than with him in the woods. 

Rising from the chair, Bucky hesitated momentarily before moving away from the omega and headed for his den. The reassurance he received entering his bedroom was immeasurable.

. . . 

Clint and Sam met him outside of his bedroom door later that night, both dressed in their Avenger uniforms. Steve was nowhere in sight. Sam didn’t say much, which surprised Bucky as from what he’d seen of him, the man was a talker. After receiving glare number five, he assumed it was a given he wouldn’t talk to the man that had broken his best friend’s heart. So... There was that.

Clint on the other hand was a talker who remained a talker. 

“Was it the distance I gave you? Playing hard to get, actually works? Huh... Is that why I’m now stuck babysitting your wolf?” Clint asked as the three had made their way to the edge of the woods.

Bucky shot Clint a somber look that the other man returned with a flash of teeth. He wasn’t insulting him, more teasing, which in itself was utterly strange. Bucky liked him. He could tell they were going to get along. To throw the man off, Bucky leaned into the omega’s personal space, saw the mating mark claiming him as another alpha’s and fondly inhaled his scent. The scent of mint was rather therapeutic.

Hawkeye squeaked unmanly and stumbled back and away. In a flash he’d retrieved his bow and arrow, but he didn’t aim it. Merely held them in his hands and stared warily at the Winter Soldier.

“What the ever-loving hell was that?” 

Bucky recalled reading from the files Hydra gave him that Hawkeye was eighty percent deaf and was fluent at reading lips, so he made sure he was facing the moonlight and in the man’s sight before answering. 

“You smell nice.” 

Sam cleared his throat, anger in his eyes and Bucky ignore him, smirking smugly when the omega flushed. Before Bucky bonded with Steve, he’d been a flirt. Never meaning anything by it. Merely liking to throw others off their game or give the insecure a confidence boost. 

“I thought you didn’t believe in cheating.” Sam hissed and Bucky flashed him a murderous glare.

“Aren’t you supposed to be up in the air?” Bucky snipped back, voice dull, as if he cared nothing for the alpha, and he did. 

Sam huffed, and without a word activated his suit and soared high into the air. 

Facing Clint once more Bucky said, “You ought to climb a tree and wait until I’ve finished shifting, just in case I become feral.” 

Steve wasn’t nearby, so Bucky didn’t think he’d go feral. He hoped not. Clint and Sam should be capable enough to handle him on the off chance that he did. 

“Right. Babysitting a wolf wasn’t enough, now I have to climb a tree?” Clint complained, eyeing the nearby trees until he found one he liked and started climbing. 

Bucky felt the end of his lips twitch and moved behind a well darkened area of brush away from the brightly shinning moon and stripped off his clothing. He was always modest with his nudity, even when shifting. 

It took several long moments to work in the dark at removing his metal arm, having to find the hidden gears and press them in a particular order before the arm came loose. Clothing folded neatly and metal arm resting over them, Bucky was ready to shift. Taking several calming breaths, Bucky kneeled onto the cool grass, shut his eyes and let his body do the rest. 

He almost believed it wouldn’t work. It had been decades since he’d last shifted and wasn’t sure he would remember how to, but it would seem that it was similar to riding a bike. Somethings one just didn’t forget, especially when ones wolf has been with them since birth.

Bucky felt it mid-shift. His wolf was there in the forefront of his mind howling with relief, eager for the shift. His legs felt restless, needing to stretch, as if he’d been cramped in a small space for far too long. 

When his vision shifted and he felt his paw dig into the hard earth, Bucky couldn’t stop himself from expressing the sense of relief and thrill at finally being set free. The howl he released was loud enough to shake the branches of the trees near him, loud enough that he could hear a near as powerful echo, and the rest of natures creatures went dead silent at his call. 

Werewolves and wolves didn’t differ that much from one another, but one of the few ways they differed was in size. Wolves were large, but werewolves were larger. On all three, Bucky was over six feet, when on his hind legs he was dauntingly intimidating. Bucky hadn’t been the largest of alpha wolves, but he was up there.

Bucky felt his tail whip in the air, wagging frantically, which was uncommon for most wolves. The last time he’d waged his tail like this was when he’d been just a cub playing with Steve. 

Bucky bayed and took his first few steps slowly, unsure how he would move lacking one arm. His steps were steady if not a little tentative. Taking several more surer steps lead Bucky further into the woods. When he grew confident in his new form, Bucky’s wolf dashed through the woods. His senses going wild, taking everything in. 

Bucky had lived for so long in confinement, even when he came to the Avengers facility he stayed within one room- true he’d done that himself, but it still applied. 

Bucky howled again, less with excitement and more of a release of all that had made him feel restricted. He ran until his paw was thrumming with the pulsing of his heart and he was panting with exertion. In that whole time he’d scented cinnamon and mint following him wherever he went. Eventually, Bucky couldn’t run anymore and he’d found himself a place to rest. 

It was deep in the woods, near a lake and a field of wild flowers that Bucky had taken to resting. He shuffled around several times before making himself comfortable and curling into a ball. Snout resting under his tail and paw. 

Mint became more profound as it neared him. When the soft rustle of grass brushed to the left of him, Bucky opened his eyes and stared up at Clint. The omega stared at him with contemplation, seeming to ask if he was in his right mind. 

Bucky couldn’t speak, but it didn’t stop his wolf from raising it’s head and rumbling contentedly.

Clint raised an eyebrow, curiously, and Bucky’s wolf felt strangely affectionate towards this omega. He was so much like himself- well, really, how he’d been before Hydra. His wolf wanted to be near the omega more so than it was. This omega felt familiar and his scent was pleasing to his wolf. If the omega had been pure of any other alpha scent, Bucky was sure that his alpha would have wholeheartedly welcomed him into his own pack. 

Bucky couldn’t stop his wolf from rising from where he’d been so comfortably relaxing to approach the omega. Clint noticeably tensed and retrieved his bow and arrow as he’d done so earlier. 

“Whoa there buddy.” Clint aimed his arrow at him and if Bucky could, he’d have rolled his eyes at the man. But given he had a history of being Hydra’s finest assassin, he could understand that the man was wary. Bucky was far more powerful in his true form.

Bucky forced his tail to wag and his ears to lower, noticeable signs he was not dangerous. Clint’s eyes narrowed with deliberation before placing his bow and arrow back into their respected places. 

Seeing that the omega was trusting him, Bucky willed the omega to see that it went both ways and seated himself at the man’s feet. Glancing up at him before staring down to the empty space at his side, Bucky invited the omega to join him.

“Right then. Can’t believe I’m doing this.” Clint sighed and seated himself a foot away from the wolf’s head. 

Bucky huffed out a breath as his answer and stared at the lake and the refection of the moon. 

“Here I thought I’d have a night full of handling a rabid wolf, but no, I get a affectionate wolf? You sure are domesticated.” Clint contemplated. 

Bucky ignored the man and shut his eyes. A nap in the woods would be nice. As Bucky felt himself drifting, he heard Falcon land, and begrudgingly, his eyes shot open again. Sleep officially disturbed as Sam took steps to near them. 

Bucky growled in his direction, making it evident that although he was allowing Clint near him, he would not let Sam do the same. Sam stopped mid-stride and glared at Bucky’s wolf. Clint chuckled at the response.

“Looks like the big bad wolf doesn’t much like you.” Clint offered, leaning back against a large stone, folding his arms to keep warm. Bucky’s alpha didn’t like the idea that the omega was cold.

“Feelings mutual.” Sam said and didn’t let Bucky’s warning growl scare him off.

Bucky purposefully rested his head over Clint’s lap. His wolf form always produced a lot of heat. Clint would surely warm up now. His wolf was just a tad more possessive about Clint than Bucky realized. If Bucky worked at it, he would be able to scent the omega as pack and this fellow Avenger member would not take Clint’s place. 

“Uh? Okaaay...” Clint was tense under Bucky, but the wolf side of him didn’t care. He’d been alone for so long, and having been left with an unfaithful mate caused his wolf to want to make himself a new pack. Clint Barton was most definitely apart of that. The man would understand his motives sooner or later. People of today didn’t understand werewolf behaviorisms all that much.

“Steve’s been surveilling. Bucky isn’t showing any signs of aggression towards you. Steve determined Bucky’s welcomed you as pack, so I don’t need to be here. You can do the babysitting on your own from here on.”

Well that was something. Steve hadn’t said he’d be surveilling him, but then again this was Steve. Always protective when it came to Bucky. Steve couldn’t have just been thought to let Bucky shift without being there in someway and form. So watching him from the Avengers facility was just what Steve would need to do to follow Bucky’s wish, but still being present in someway.

“Lucky me. Stuck in the woods all night. I really need to stay retired.” Clint groaned and thudded his head gently back against the stone. 

“Enjoy it, because you have officially been assigned as Bucky’s main chaperone.” Sam snarked back and without another word flew back up into the air. Clint answered with a pitiful growl that had Bucky’s wolf purring and nuzzling against the omega’s stomach. Clint didn’t even notice with the amount of curses he let fly from his lips.


	6. Chapter 6

Bucky’s first shift had went smoother than he thought it would have. Apparently, no matter how many years he’d gone without shifting, his wolf was still rational. Than again, Bucky’s wolf had no true reason to cause harm to Barton or Wilson. Even so, it did nothing to relieve the embarrassed he felt for his wolf that had taken a noticeable liking to Clint. 

Bucky appreciated the distance Clint gave him at times. His scent was rather nice and less polluted than everyone he’d come into contact with so far. Bucky even enjoyed the man’s sense of humor, dark and sarcastic as it was. It was the best combination in Bucky’s book. Still, having his wolf give so quickly and inviting him into his pack right away hadn’t been what the Winter Soldier expected. 

He was lonely. Living decades alone and controlled by evil people, so it would seem that his wolf had enough of being alone. Clint was his pack and that was that. Now, Bucky shifted regularly, most times at night, sometimes in the early morning. Clint was his main chaperone, but there were days that Clint could not accompany him. The omega had a life of his own and had taken days off. Sam would chaperone him on those days.

Whenever Clint returned he smelled heavily of cedar. Apparently, his alpha grew more possessive of him when he returned smelling like another alpha. Bucky had been sure to stay away from scenting the omega’s neck, a show of his respect for Clint’s mated alpha, so it appeared Clint’s mate accepted him. Clint assured Bucky that his mate held no offense and was reassured that another pure werewolf claimed him as pack, Clint was sure to remain safe in this way. 

Bucky knew, technically Clint was first and foremost a part of Steve’s pack, and that was probably who Clint would listen to if it came to orders, but Bucky would take whatever the omega offered. It was possible that Clint accepted being in Bucky’s pack out of pity, but the Winter Soldier didn’t care. Bucky had someone he could lean on and protect. He didn’t feel so alone with Clint. 

Steve wasn’t around much, and although Bucky wondered where he could be and what he was doing, he wouldn’t dare ask. Instead he worked on the betterment of himself. 

At this moment he was seated at the edge of his bed holding a sealed plastic container, within was an article of clothing that belonged to the omega he was to start partner therapy with. He’d finished a therapy session with Debrah Hughes just moments ago and now he was expected to start working with his partner, Peter Parker.

Debrah had tapped a paper containing a lengthy list of questions to work through (therapy homework) on top of the container. Over the paper was a small yellow post-it with his partner’s name jotted down along with his phone number. Debrah explained that the article of clothing had belonged to the omega. His scent sealed in the plastic container.

Peter Parker was one of the few omegas that had the ability to use pheromone therapy on others. Specifically to alphas. Omegas with this ability had a scent that was therapeutic. Somewhat like Clint’s, but different, because they could produce a pheromone similar to that of when a omega was in heat. The combination left an alpha affected enough so that they became docile and compliant. It lowered high blood pressure and calmed their mental states enough so that a aggressive alpha would yield for that scent. 

The plan was for Bucky to expose himself to Steve’s scent first and then use Peter’s scent to calm his initial response. Gradually he would correct the aggression response. A version of aroma therapy as it were.

For Peter’s part of his therapy Bucky was to be a reassuring presence. Debrah hadn’t gone into detail about why it was Peter was seeking help, but she did say that Peter affirmed that he would tell him when he was ready. For the time being, through daily conversations she hoped they both grew more accustomed with one another and formed a bond. As their relationship developed, Peter, much like Bucky would be using Bucky’s scent to receive comfort. As Bucky was given an article of Peter’s clothing, Bucky gave Dr. Hughes an article of his clothing to deliver to Peter. 

Before Debrah had left she’d stressed that this therapy wasn’t to be rushed. That it would revolve on Bucky’s and Peter’s individual pace. Of course she would follow up with their progress, individually, every week. Eventually they’d be able to meet in person. From there on Debrah would give them further instructions. 

Bucky set the box on the bed and retrieved the phone from off the nightstand. Taking a seat at the foot of the bed once more, he dialed the number and retrieved the paper of discussion topics. 

The phone trilled once.

Bucky almost found it humorous that his therapist thought to give it to him. Bucky knew how to have a conversation with someone, but then again this wasn’t of a natural occurrence and one that was a forced interaction. 

Twice. 

Some of the questions seemed silly, others far more personal than he wished to be with a complete stranger. Then again, maybe that was the point? Start with easy questions before working ones way up to the more personal. These questions wouldn’t be for just one phone call but many. Possibly dozens. Okay then. That was more acceptable. Bucky didn’t think he’d be able to talk about his family or about his most painful memories on a first call.

After the third trill, came a click and then a questioning greeting, “Hello?” 

“Peter Parker?” Bucky asked, needing affirmation he had dialed the right number, even though he knew he’d dialed correctly. It didn’t mean the person who answered would be the omega he intended to speak with.

“Yes. Who is this?”

“James Barnes. Debrah Hughes gave me your number.”

There was a pause and Bucky heard shuffling and the clicking of what sounded like a door before the omega spoke up.

“Right. Sorry, I didn’t realize it would be you. I mean Dr. Hughes told me you would be calling today, but I just- Sorry.”

“Right.” Bucky glanced back at the list of questions and decided that they might as well try them out.

“I can’t believe I’m really talking to _The Winter Soldier_. I’m a big fan of Captain America- Well, now he likes to be called Nomad, but still-“

That caught Bucky off guard that he cut the ranting omega off, “Nomad?”

“Yeah. He doesn’t refer to himself as Captain America since... well... Steve Rogers and Tony Stark fell out of ties, but they mended it- It’s not the same as it was, but... Maybe I’ve said too much?”

“You talk as if you know him?” Bucky came to realize that Peter didn’t sound so much like a fan and more like someone who knew things on a personal level.

“Uh... Since we’re going to be working with each other we should be honest... I guess this is where I tell you I’m Spider-Man?”

“Spider-Man?” Bucky didn’t understand half of what this omega was saying.

“Yeah, you know... Maybe you’re not up to date with everything, but I’m a superhero. We even battled once. You know that time at the airport?”

Bucky held back a groan at the realization that his scent partner was that same agile little shit with the web shooting out from his wrists.

“You...” Bucky said it more like a strained acknowledgement. This boy was his last chance at getting Steve back?

“Yeah! You remember me? I just want to say it was such an honor to battle you that time. I mean, I understood that it was pretty tense with the fallout between half of the Avengers, but most of that has been resolved. I mean Tony told me it was, but I still haven’t seen him and Steve spending much time together. Don’t get me started on the tabloids. God, sorry I’m talking so much. I’m just a bit- well... a lot nervous, and God- I’m going to shut up now.”

Bucky palmed his forehead and struggled to make sense of everything the kid had just told him.

“How old are you anyways?”

“I’m sixteen. I’ll be seventeen in two months.” Peter added the last in defense, but Bucky couldn’t help but groan.

“I think Dr. Hughes is a quack if I’ve been assigned to a kid as my partner.” 

“Hey! I resent that. So what if I’m young, I’m more mature than my age. I’ve gone through a hell of a lot, so don’t judge.”

Bucky smirked condescendingly, even though the kid couldn’t see it. 

“Oh, I’m sure. Things like, who you’ll ask for the homecoming dance?”

Peter didn’t respond but for the harsh huff of breath and Bucky smirked less condescending and more fond. The kid had spunk. Reminded him of Steve in a way. They’d only spoken for a few minutes and already Bucky could hear the idealistic spirit and stubbornness. From what he remembered, the kids form was much like Steve’s had been before he’d been injected with the super serum. 

“Look kid, let’s start over, okay?” Bucky thought it best to smooth things over. He didn’t want to ruffle up the omega’s feathers so soon. He’d been teasing the last bit, but the kid sounded offended, so... back to the set out questions.

“Why don’t you tell me about yourself?” 

Peter huffed out a noise of disinterest. “Really dude? You’re really going to follow Dr. Hughes’ questions. You do know that they were just examples?”

Bucky pursed his lips, this kid sure knew how to annoy him.

“Fine then. You ask the questions.”

“Okay then! First question, is it really true you can crush marble with your metal fist?”

Bucky bulked. The kid was most certainly surprising. Here he’d thought the omega would ask him what he enjoyed doing in his spare time, what was his favorite sport, or anything else of that nature. But the kid wanted to talk about his metal arm? The kid was a spaz. Bucky didn’t realize he found the kid amusing until he felt his chest vibrate with surprise laughter.

 _Good Lord_ , Bucky hadn’t laughed in decades and now that he was, he couldn’t nip it in the bud. It had come so suddenly and it was because of this omega. A omega that Bucky’s wolf felt equally amused with. 

“Really kid?”

“Stop calling me kid. I’m a teenager.” The teen grumbled and that only made it all the more amusing. He might just be going crazy, that, or he’d gone so long feeling alone that he’d finally snapped. 

“That would still make you a kid, kid.” 

“You really want to piss me off?” 

“Doesn’t seem that hard to do.”

“Oh, okay. Just you wait, I can take you on.”

Bucky smiled, almost forgetting he was talking to Peter. It felt like he was talking to a young Steve. 

_I can do this all day._

Jesus, the kid was like Steve’s twin in mannerism.

“Try it pipsqueak.”

“Alright then. Don’t forget, because I’m going to knock you into next week.” Peter was growling now and this omega sounded adorable to Bucky’s wolf. As if that growl would frighten him. He sounded like a kitten.

“Alright, kitten. It’s a promise. When we meet, we’ll duke it out.” Bucky wasn’t serious and he didn’t believe the omega was either, but he’d indulge him if he truly meant it. He’d battled him once before and lost, but this time he knew what to expect, so he had that on his side. 

“What’s with the kitten?”

“You don’t appreciate kid, so...”

“Peter is just fine, thank you. Plus, kitten is more of a pet name for females.”

“Mm, not so sure. You seem more like a kitten to me.” Bucky had promised himself he would not tease the kid, but it was just too easy. Bucky liked their rapport, he could almost forget why they were talking or that he locked himself away in his den, when he was speaking with this kid. Talking to Peter brought him back to himself. Himself before the war, and that felt unbelievably good. 

“Not a female.”

“You’re a omega.”

“A _male_ omega, thank you very much.”

“A kitten of a male omega.”

“Alright then. You want to use cheesy nicknames, then two can play this game, babe.”

Bucky could hear the humor in the kids voice and followed suit.

“Alright then. I get it. I won’t call you kitten.” Bucky conceded. 

“Thank you.”

“To answer your question, yes.” 

“Awesome!”

Bucky hummed in amused acknowledgement and waited for the kids next question.

. . . 

Bucky was slowly feeling more like himself. More like the man he’d been before his life had gone to hell, especially when talking with Peter. Clint was more of a solid comfort for his wolf. Peter was the beacon of light leading him back to the person he used to be. He was playful and childish with the kid, because he was a kid. Though Peter hated when Bucky referred to him as such.

Weeks melded together and in that time he shifted daily and spoke with Peter more and more often. They spoke for hours and Bucky found himself smiling more when they spoke. He’d laughed several more times too. 

Their conversations went in every which way. They didn’t use the guidelines Dr. Hughes left for them. Instead they let themselves naturally work their way up to them. Eventually, Peter had told him of his painful past. Spoke over the death of his parents and told him of his uncle’s more recent death. 

Bucky sympathized for the omega, having only distant memories of his parents. He didn’t feel that he was the best with comforting people, but lending his ear and giving the omega assurance seemed to be all that Peter needed. 

Bucky had taken to scenting Peter’s blue scarf he had in it’s container just before they spoke on the phone. Peter smelled of jasmine and his omega pheromones made his inner wolf rumble pleasantly. His muscles noticeably relaxed and any anxiety and stress he felt all but vanished, leaving him feeling carefree and comforted. The fact that the kids scent was pure of anyone else made it all the more calming for his wolf and heightened senses. The omega smelled absolutely wonderful, because although they’d met before he hadn’t been able to scent him. Something about the kid’s suit, a scent blocker? Of course it was useful when one wanted to keep their identity hidden from the world, so of course his suit had it’s own scent blocker.

Peter had confessed that he was working on accepting Bucky’s scent in turn, but that it was difficult to withstand the scent of a alpha for more than a few seconds. Peter hadn’t yet been able to tell him what his aversion to the scent of alphas was, but Bucky could only assume that it had to deal with a trauma related to an alpha. He would wait for the omega to divulge the truth. 

Bucky already accepted Peter’s scent and was using it to calm himself before entering the living quarters that smelled heavily of Steve. Usually when he had his therapy sessions he would breathe through his mouth. Only a few times had he used his nose outside of his den. Now though, he was working on being accustomed the scent of his mate. The first few times he could only stay in the living quarters for a handful of minutes before he was rushing back to his den and hurriedly moving to scent Peter’s scarf for reassurance and calm. He never did this practice when Steve was around. He didn’t want Steve to know that he was receiving scent therapy because he wasn’t sure it would work. What if he were to tell Steve only to realize that the therapy was a failure. He knew it would completely destroy Steve then. So Bucky kept it a secret. 

Dr. Hughes’ partnering therapy was working though. It had been a month so far and now Bucky could tolerate scenting Steve’s altered scent for about ten minutes. Then the nausea set in and he was forced to enter the shelter of his den and inhale the comfort of Peter’s scent.

Peter was happy to hear that his scent was helping, though he too was unsure as to how. He understood Bucky had a heightened sense smell, but not as to why he was trying to work through it. It wasn’t so much that scenting everything was unbearable, but that he scented someone that physically affected him. Bucky allowed Peter to believe that it was to calm his reaction to every scent for a month and a half before he finally told him the truth. He told Peter how even when the Avengers split apart and battled against one another he was strugglingly with the realization that the scent he’d detected belonged to Anthony Stark. He admitted about his less than civil behavior in Wakanda and after, his poor treatment of Steve.

Peter, was surprisingly attentive and supportive. He was right in that he was maturer than kids his age. Bucky more than anyone knew how life events aged the young. He’d seen it in the war. So many young men matured mentally, not because they wanted to but because they’d witness the cruelty of the world. It just felt more than disconcerting to talk about his strained marriage. It wasn’t because he didn’t trust Peter, but that whenever he thought about Steve, whenever he spoke to him, it hurt. Bucky felt his heart swell and pulse with the pain of his love and his distrust for Steve.

There was a lingering silence after that conversation, but it didn’t feel awkward, more of a silent reflection of all that had been discussed. Having Peter’s assurance that he’d be there for Bucky no matter what and would try his best to help him make the possibility of being with Steve a reality meant a lot.

“Since you’ve told me why you are doing this partnering therapy, I guess I should tell you why I’m doing it.”

“I don’t need to know.”

“No. I want to tell you. I trust you, Bucky.” Peter said the last part softly. It had been several weeks since Bucky asked it of Peter to call him by his nickname. Only his pack and his mate were ever allowed that right. Although Peter wasn’t officially pack, he felt like pack. He felt like Steve and he felt like the past, so it was right.

“I went after a drug cartel when several of my classmates died from their drugs. I caught the dealers and they were locked up by the police, but I was so driven to end it- that I went for the head of the organization. I burned most of their drugs, but I... miscalculated the number of guards in the last drug warehouse and... I was outnumbered. I hadn’t realized that some of the men were mutated... I was overpowered.” Peter stopped there. Throughout his telling of what occurred, his voice became less steady and edged on throaty.

“Peter, you don’t have to tell me.” Bucky assured. If it was too difficult for the kid, Bucky didn’t want to hear it.

“No. I... I can tell you. It’s... I want to. I... I’ve never told anyone but for Dr. Hughes. I just... When I remember... It makes me...”

“It’s okay. I can wait.”

“I... My senses are heightened, not just my sense of smell. So touch- I feel it more intensely and when they took off my mask they scented that I was an omega and they were alphas...”

Bucky shut his eyes, knowing that people like Peter suffered the worst. Peter could have used his calming pheromones as a defense, but if he became distressed than his scent would lose that effect, and something told Bucky that was what happened. Even though Peter smelled of a virgin, it didn’t mean he hadn’t been violated in other ways.

“They touched me. They were going to... to... but someone else who had their own reasons for being there saw us, and he’d stopped them... Killed them. They only touched me, but their scents were... Since then, I can’t be near alphas. I’m homeschooled now and I don’t leave home if I can help it. I haven’t worked as Spider-Man either. It’s been six months since... That’s why I’m seeking therapy.”

“Peter.” Bucky said in a way that was full of the embrace his wolf wanted to give the omega. 

“It is what it is. I mean, it could have been worse.”

“Isn’t my scent too much for you?”

“No, I told you. Your scent is helping. It’s soft, masculine, alpha, but also reassuring because I know you now. I actually don’t know many alphas. Not to mention that each time we talk I feel more tied to your scent and it helps.” 

“I’m not sure what to say.” Bucky confessed.

“You don’t have to say anything. I’m here for you and I know you are here for me too. I know you’ve been through a lot and you are damaged just as much as I am and that, as strange as it sounds, is reassuring. I’m not alone and I have a alpha here for me to help me overcome my aversion.”

“Peter?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad to have met you.” 

“Technically we’ve never met, just spoken on the phone.” 

“You little shit, do you have to be difficult?” Bucky grumbled, but felt his lips turn up when Peter snorted with laughter. 

This was how they were, talking about the pain of their past and ending it with humor. It always seemed to help distract them from those painful memories they had to relive. 

“You walked into that one. Babe.”

“Alright, Baby doll. It’s late and it’s your bedtime.”

“You just don’t stop, do you?”

“Afraid not.”

“Can’t say I blame you, but your sense of humor is crap.”

Bucky hummed, but he didn’t believe it to be so. He thought it was perfect if it made Peter chuckle and sound cheerier. He’d do anything to lighten the omega’s mood.


	7. Chapter 7

Bucky was nervous and he didn’t really know why that was. Sitting on a wooden bench in a less populated part of a park in New York City, he watched a couple walk their black lab. This was the third time they’d circled by. The bench he sat on was shaded under a weeping willow tree. Colorful trees and flowers surrounded him. It was a beautiful scenery. Looking around himself again, Bucky couldn’t help but notice more couples, and a part of him envied them. He’d once had that. Someone to look at with unwavering love.

It was mid-morning and crisp with autumn’s cool breeze. His senses were only mildly bothered, which he considered the normal for himself. Parks like this weren’t as difficult to be around, it was when he entered the more busier areas of the city that bothered him. Still, he’d brought along a scarf, black and thick. It was fall now and the scarf was both a fashion sense as well as a security for warmth. Bucky felt strange in his clothing. It didn’t much suit his taste. He wore a black coat over a blue sweater, leather black gloves, dark blue jeans, and a pair of comfortable gray shoes. Bucky wasn’t all that fond about it, but Steve had a different sense for fashion than his own and he’d gone shopping.

It was hard for him to take in that Steve allowed him to leave the compound. Although Steve once told him he could on the condition he had a chaperone, he’d believed that Steve would refuse unless he was Bucky’s chaperone. 

A subtle glance to his left and Bucky pinpointed Clint sitting in a bench further off from himself. The man was dressed warmly; thick black coat over a green flannel shirt, faded blue jeans, and leather black boots. He held a newspaper open and his head was angled in a reader’s tilt, but those dark sunglasses were surely hiding his focused gaze on Bucky. 

Bucky knew that this was all a test. Testing to see if he were trustworthy. Clint had a clear earpiece on his left ear. Although Clint couldn’t hear well, Bucky was sure his earpiece was set at a higher frequency. 

Clint _was_ his designated chaperone. If Bucky so much as breathed wrong, he knew Clint would notify the Avengers. 

Bucky was here not for the scenery or the feeling of being around civilians without actually being overwhelmed by them as he’d told Steve. He was here for a specific reason. Wrapping his scarf around the lower half of his face subdued the scents around him enough so that his mind cleared further. He liked the scarf. It was a perfect barrier to the scents around him. He’d had it wrapped around his face during their trip here, but had given to scenting his surrounding for the last five minutes before going back to the security of his own scent.

Bucky didn’t want to glance over to his wristwatch and check the time, although he’d like to know what time it was. He rather not give Clint any suspicion of why he was here. He would just have to wait it out.

“Excuse me, may I sit here?” Someone to his right asked of him and Bucky’s wolf was practically panting with excitement as he turned to meet the stare of the person standing near him.

A young man stood no more than a foot from him, wearing a black sweater and blue skinny jeans. When he took notice that the boy’s red scarf was wrapped around his nose and mouth, Bucky smirked behind his own scarf.

 _Peter_. Bucky thought, knowing that voice anywhere. 

The young kid held the ends of two purple leashes, the opposite ends were attached to two black and white American shorthaired cats. Bucky wanted to laugh at the sight of them. They must be Simba and Nala, Peter’s pet cats who he had talked about more than once.

Bucky gave a nod and the teen seated himself a foot away on the bench.

“You really had to bring the cats?” Bucky mumbled through his scarf. Clint couldn’t read his lips like this and to anyone looking it would seem as if they were trying to keep warm.

“Thought it would seem more believable.” 

“With dogs sure, now you just look crazy.”

“I’d go for eccentric.” Peter grumbled as one of the cats hopped up from the ground and curled itself on Peter’s lap. The omega didn’t even seem to notice or care, merely resting a hand over the cat’s back and absentmindedly petting. The other cat neared Bucky’s feet, sniffing at his shoe before playing with his shoelace, Bucky didn’t mind. He’d always liked cats. 

Bucky turned to face Peter and the omega met his stare head on. They’d talked about this a lot. Both felt that they were ready for this. Meeting. Bucky was paying particular attention to Peter’s reaction. Slowly, the omega removed his scarf from off of his face and subtly inhaled his scent. Closing his eyes, the omega’s brow furrowed slightly before uncreasing and his eyes opened once more. 

“You okay?” Bucky had to ask, as the omega wasn’t speaking. 

“Yeah.” Peter said with a soft smile and then raised the scarf back up to cover part of his face. “You smell like my alpha.” 

Bucky was surprised at the comment. Peter’s eyes widened as if realizing what he’d said and then he hurriedly amended himself, his hands making wide gesticulations.

“I mean, you smell like my partnering alpha, like pack and I... I know you so well and I feel like we’re friends- beyond partners. I mean, we never said anything about-“

“I want you to be a part of my pack.” Bucky cut the omega off, feeling that he needed to reassure him that he hadn’t taken offense. 

Peter’s eyes lit up and he knew behind that scarf the omega was smiling.

“I want that. I mean, I like your scent, even when I first scented you. I mean, it was strong and I freaked out a bit, but as I’ve grown accustomed to it and our conversations... I just... You... I just have my Aunt May and... I want you as pack.” 

Bucky knew what it was like not to have much of anything and felt for the kid, his own eyes lit with the soft smile he gave, hidden beneath his scarf. 

“So... I’m really trying not to look for your chaperone, but I think I see him. The newspaper guy?” Peter was curious.

Bucky was surprised that Peter, a kid, could detect Clint’s presence.

“How?”

“I can smell just as well as you, babe. I could scent you on him and... well, he’s not really hiding that he’s looking at us right now.”

Bucky smirked, he could only imagine what Clint was thinking. 

“You’re probably right, baby doll.” Bucky answered back, playful. “We should start moving.”

“Yeah. Want to walk? Simba and Nala liked taking walks, but I haven’t really taken them out since... You know...” 

“That sounds like a plan.” Bucky rose from his seat and the cat who’d been playing with his shoelace perked up. 

Peter removed the other cat from off his lap and set it down to the ground and tutted to them as he moved towards the trail. Bucky walked so that Peter was on his left and when they passed Clint, the Avenger member was to their right. Bucky heard Clint rise from the bench, newspaper left behind as he tailed them several yards behind. 

So, this was where their other part of scent therapy began. They were to spend time out in public with each other, whenever the scents around them became too much they were to use the other’s scent as reassurance. 

Peter and Bucky both pulled down their scarves from off their faces and glanced over at each other. Bucky flashed Peter a soft smile and the omega returned it. To Clint, it would appear that they’d just met and were hitting it off. Peter and Bucky wanted to keep their scent therapy a secret from anyone else, so this worked for both of them.

“I don’t live that far from here. If you don’t mind, we could drop Simba and Nala home and I can make us a cup of cocoa or something. I’d like to talk a bit more before working up the courage to go out someplace more populated. There’s this diner I used to go to with my friends before... I think I can go there with you by my side and we could get some brunch?” Peter contemplated aloud after they’d circled the park four times through. Clint was facing their back so there was no worry in the omega speaking freely.

“Okay.” Bucky agreed.

It took them about ten minutes to get to Peter’s place and as he followed him into the apartment complex he’d spared a moment to track Clint’s location. The omega was pretending to be looking at flower arrangements of a nearby floral shop, while giving Bucky a, ‘What the hell are you doing?’ look. Bucky raised his hand, nonverbally asking for the man to give him time before he turned and followed Peter inside.

Bucky seated himself on a sofa in Peter’s living room. Peter said that his aunt was at work and it would be okay for him to be there. After the omega removed the harnesses strapped around his cats he made his way to the kitchen. Simba and Nala pranced off to do who knew what, but that was the last Bucky saw of them. A few minutes later, Bucky watched as Peter returned to seat himself next to Bucky. He was carefully balancing two large mugs filled to the brim with hot cocoa and marshmallows.

“Oh! I forgot to ask if you wanted yours with marshmallows, I could-“ 

“That’s alright. Hot cocoa is supposed to have marshmallows.” Bucky reassured and reached out to take the mug out of Peter’s left hand.

Peter nodded awkwardly and wrapped both of his hands around his own mug.

“This is strange.” Peter finally confessed.

“What is?”

“Having an alpha in my home. I mean, my uncle was a alpha, but that is different.” 

“Should we leave?” Bucky set his mug on his lap. 

Peter frowned as if Bucky was being silly.

“I was merely stating a fact. I told you, your scent feels right.” Peter stared at Bucky’s scarf in a way that had Bucky raising a brow in question.

Peter realized he’d been caught and looked away, his cheeks turning red and instead he focused on his cocoa, taking a sip. 

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“No. Tell me.”

“I just... I... It’s been a while and I... The shirt you gave me, the scent is fading. Maybe you could mail me another article of your clothing? I could mail you another of mine if you need?” 

Bucky nodded in agreement and raised his own mug to his lips to take a drink. Shutting his eyes at the first taste, the alpha hummed appreciatively. He’d loved drinking hot cocoa in his youth, but it had been so long since then, Bucky savored the taste.

The omega chuckled happily at Bucky’s response and took another sip of his own. 

“That good, huh?” 

“It’s amazing. I think I’m in love.”

Peter laughed heartily, “Babe, be careful. I’m still too young for you.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and drank more of his cup. He didn’t care to make a comeback. He’d missed out on so much. He hadn’t had the chance to enjoy the world for so long, but with Peter he was now living. 

“Seconds?” Bucky hoped several moments later as they’d drank their cups in comfortable silence. 

Peter had only gotten halfway with his own cup, but he’d kindly taken Bucky’s empty mug to make him another, laughing the whole way to the kitchen. 

It had been near thirty minutes before they’d finished up and Bucky wasn’t all that apologetic to Clint as it had earned him two cups of hot cocoa and some friendly banter with his partner. When Bucky and Peter exited from the building he hadn’t expected to find a rather on edge Clint standing near a U.S Postal Office, directly across from the apartment complex. That wasn’t as big of a shock as finding Steven Rogers standing at the edge of the opposite crosswalk. Even with that baseball cap shading his face, he could see him clearly. Appearing to have been mid-stride, with the intent of crossing the road to enter the complex Bucky just exited. Consternation was written all across Steve’s face.

 _Oh._

Maybe they shouldn’t have stayed for cocoa? Bucky met those steely blue, staring at him with so much accusation that at first the alpha was bowing his head in contrite apology. Then he remembered that he had no reason to feel sorry. He’d done nothing wrong. Even if he had been doing what he was sure they were thinking he’d been doing - if the looks they were giving him was anything to go by - it wouldn’t have meant he was in the wrong. Steve had stepped out on their bond and sure, Bucky was working through his aversion for his mate’s scent, but if he were to have been with a omega in that way he still didn’t deserve that look. 

Peter raised out a hand to grasp a hold of his arm bringing him from out of his thoughts. Staring down at those soft eyes full of worry, Bucky forced himself to flash the boy a reassuring smile.

“I’m fine.” Bucky assured. Fondly realizing that Peter’s scarf was still down, he was trusting himself with Bucky’s scent. After all, this exercise was more for Peter’s part of socialization than his own. 

Bucky suddenly comprehended that Steve could hear them with his super hearing. Peter didn’t know Steve had joined in and needed to know. Bucky began contemplating how in the hell he was going to get that message across to the teen before he accidentally let something slip and his estranged mate detected it. 

In that moment a carrier truck turned onto their street and all at once Bucky had his chance. It would require an immense amount of trust on Peter’s part. This would be a testament to how far their therapy was progressing. 

Bucky stepped into Peter’s personal space and gripped the ends of Peter’s scarf. The young omega’s eyes bulged, staring dumbly at Bucky, attempting to understand his motive. Bucky prayed Peter could see that he wasn’t trying to take advantage of him and when the truck was a mere feet from passing by them, the alpha pulled the omega against his body and tilted his head at an angle. 

In that very moment before the truck hid them from view, Bucky let his mouth hover over Peter’s. The omega inhaled a sharp breath, muscles going tense, but he hadn’t pulled away, which Bucky was thanking his stars for.

“Steve’s here, he can hear us.” Bucky whispered at his softest pitch all as the truck noisily passed them by. Steve’s hearing wasn’t as perceptive as Bucky’s or Peter’s, and the noisy truck should be enough to have left his words undetected. 

Peter’s body relaxed as soon as the words had left Bucky and the alpha sighed in relief when the little shit gave him a cheeky grin.

“Mr. Barnes, never thought you were one for public displays of affection.” Peter, a surprisingly good actor, palmed his lips in surprise. Almost as if he couldn’t believe Bucky had _kissed_ him.

“Well, your lips are as sweet as sugar.” Bucky answered a part of him feeling conflicted for flirting when his husband was across the street, but another part of him couldn’t believe Steve thought he had the right to judge him.

“Mm, could be the marshmallows. You were rather insistent we use them.” Peter teased back and Bucky flummoxed. For a kid, the boy was a great smooth talker. Maybe like Bucky, flirting came naturally when used with those one wished to tease and not someone who one truly liked?

“No, honey. It’s just you.” 

“Mm. Let’s go and get something to eat. I’ve worked up an appetite.” Peter was taking it too far. Bucky wrapped a hand around Peter’s momentarily, held it long enough to give it a squeeze of warning. Peter eased off on the flirting after that.

_Thank God._

The diner was nearly full, their hostess knew Peter and gave them the teen’s usual booth, situated near the window. Bucky sat across from Peter and the two talked, but not about anything that would suggest that they knew each other prior than before today. He tried to focus all his attention on Peter and not on Clint and Steve who’d followed them inside. They were seated to Bucky’s right, several tables down, hiding behind their menu’s while simultaneously surveilling them.

Peter ordered strawberry pancakes with a side of bacon and fruit. Bucky ordered a vegetarian omelette, buttermilk pancakes and sausages. When Peter forked some of Bucky’s pancakes, the alpha bulked at the teen. 

“What are you doing?”

“They smell good.” Peter said through a large mouthful of the Winter Soldier’s pancakes.

“You have your own pancakes.”

“You have buttermilk and I have strawberry. Two completely different kinds. Stop being a Scrooge and share.”

When Peter went after his sausage the alpha growled in warning, and the omega’s fork stilled after piercing the sausage. Peter stared Bucky in the eyes, deliberating.

“Didn’t your mother teach you that sharing is caring?” Peter countered.

People of today didn’t have a bond to their wolf, those instincts and physical traits had been lost over the decades. So maybe Peter didn’t realize what he was doing. Sharing food - especially between a omega and alpha - was traditionally a pre-mating or post-heat act. Bucky narrowed his eyes and flared his upper lip, exposing his human teeth that lengthened to canines. The omega’s brows rose in utter surprise. People of today couldn’t do that. 

“That is so cool!” Peter exclaimed excitedly, then raised the fork of sausage and shoved it all in his mouth. Bucky could do nothing but stare at him in complete disbelief. 

His wolf was only slightly agitated, more fascinated. As strange as it was to admit, if Bucky wasn’t completely in love with Steve, Peter might have made a acceptable mate. Bucky decided to let it go, Peter couldn’t possibly realize what he was doing. If Peter wanted to play this game, Bucky could too, and wordlessly forked up some strawberries from the fruit bowl.

Peter didn’t snap at the alpha for it at first, but then he’d ate nearly the whole bowl and now went after the kid’s pancakes.

“No fair, you’re eating more off my plate than I did yours.” Peter whined childishly, tenor voice turning sharp.

“Sharing is caring.” Bucky reminded. Peter was lovable, his wolf was cooing softly within wishing he could show his own set of affection for the cub.

Peter pouted and glared as Bucky continued eating from his plate. Then he realized he’d looked away from his plate for too long and Bucky had nearly eaten all of his pancakes. Peter retaliated.

“Hey, leave me some, hungry wolf!” Peter snapped and blocked Bucky’s fork with his own. 

Bucky’s fork veered right and spun around Peter’s, claiming another slice of pancakes. Peter let out a noise of upset protest and angrily went for Bucky’s. Bucky clipped his fork points against Peter’s, interwoven at their slots and screeching with every jerk their hand’s made.

“Let up and share, _babe_.” Peter hissed warningly, and Bucky couldn’t take him seriously, smiling wildly at him.

“Sure thing, baby doll.” Bucky murmured lovingly, viciously clanking Peter’s fork from off his plate, and forked up a bite of pancakes and offered it up to the kid. “Say, ‘ah’.”

Peter stared blankly before his features slowly morphed into docile acceptance. He wouldn’t back out, stubborn ass that he was, and shut his eyes before he opened his mouth, waiting. Bucky played chicken as a child and he’d never wussed out of anything. Now was the same, he was no coward, still...

Feeling mischievous, Bucky went about quietly forking pancakes until his fork was filled up to the root, and then shoved it all in the unsuspecting omega’s mouth. Peter choked up in shock, eyes snapping open as he removed the fork. Cheeks puffed up in an attempt to hold the pancakes in his mouth, his eyes flashed an unamused look.

“Rhurl niccsh.” Peter muffled out and had to catch some crumbling pieces that escaped with a hand. Laughter bubbled from out of Bucky, clear and hearty, his eyes gleaming, near tears.

Peter glared for a second longer, but then he was coughing up pancakes and laughter.

_God, Bucky loved Peter._

Brunch was so much fun, they’d forgotten about everything in each other’s presence. Their senses were manageable when they could scent the other so clearly that they’d completely forgotten they’d had reservations about being in public. With each other everything seemed possible.

Bucky walked Peter to the front of his apartment complex with the promise of meeting again soon. Peter said he’d be waiting for that day and promised he’d call him later that evening. When Peter turned to go inside, Bucky’s arm shot out to stop him and the omega stilled compliantly. Question in his warm honey brown eyes.

Bucky simply smiled as he removed his scarf and draped it over his left arm, then he took hold of Peter’s. He hesitated on removing it though, staring and waiting for the omega’s permission. Peter smiled and nodded happily.

Bucky inhaled the soft scent of jasmine and it grew with intensity when he removed the scarf. Knowing that Peter would accept it, Bucky wrapped his black scarf around Peter’s neck and felt absolute content when wrapping Peter’s scarf around his own neck.

“I’ll call you tonight.” Peter promised again and Bucky nodded in affirmation of it and fondly watched the omega jog up the stairs to his apartment.

When Peter disappeared behind the entrance door, Bucky chuckled to himself and turned away from it. That was when he met the wary stare of Clint, but the omega wasn’t looking at him. He was looking to his far left and the intimating presence of Captain America/Nomad. Steven Rogers was standing no more than five feet away from Bucky. Steve’s features were tense, jawline clinching, arms folding over his chest, stretching his muscles in a rather threatening way. Bucky was still breathing through his nose, but beyond Peter’s scent wrapped around his neck he scented Steve for the first time today and he didn’t like it. For the first time Steve smelled of anger, that anger surpassed the distress of his scent.

_This wasn’t good._


	8. Chapter 8

Bucky was everything to Steve. Nothing could drive him away from the love he carried for his mate. Steve knew what life was like when he had Bucky... and what life had been after he lost him, and that... Steve never wanted that again. The loneliness had felt like a neverending prison of despair. So when he found Bucky again he’d thought that he would finally feel the sense of comfort and love that his alpha had always provided him. That wasn’t what happened. Instead, Bucky pulled away from him. Rejected him.

Steve was completely destroyed when he’d been forced to watch his mate fall from that blasted train. The grief that consumed in the peril of war destroyed a great part of Steve’s soul. He was lost in a world that felt unlike his own. A place that didn’t make sense. He lived and... because he was alive, he would need to be strong. His country needed him now more than ever and he had sworn to protect it. So if he couldn’t have his mate, he would at least protect the country both he and Bucky swore to defend with their lives. 

He met the members of Avengers and they became his family- pack. He grounded himself to them and their shared cause. For a while, things were well enough to be considered bearable. His pack worried about him having fully devoted himself to his duty that he was lacking any form of a social life. Natasha and Sam attempted to set him up on dates, feeling that it was time he stopped living in the past. His mate was gone and he’d understand, or so that was what they’d told him. Steve knew they couldn’t understand. Their physiology was so different from people from his time. They mated once and hardly had any sexual experience with others before mating. After they lost their mate that was it for them. 

Natasha stressed the fact that Steve was in the 21st century and things were different here. She’d set him up on dates and all of them ended disastrously. Steve wasn’t looking for a mate and in the end Natasha stopped trying to set him up. 

Steve was so focused on his duties as the Avenger’s leader that he hadn’t realized that it had been half a year and he had yet to experience a heat. Only after the months overdue heat hit did he realize this. He’d woken in bed covered in a thick sheen of sweat and calling out for his mate. Knowing Bucky wasn’t there and would never be able to embrace him again led Steve to experience the worst heat of his life. 

He’d gone two days withering in his bed, falling in and out of darkness. His body felt ten times hotter than it had ever felt in all the times he’d experienced heats. He couldn’t stop the tremors or the stomach cramps. He wasn’t even mentally capable of pleasuring himself. His mind was an endless fog of delusions. He hadn’t been in his right mind and hadn’t had the sense to move to replenish himself.

Natasha having heard nothing from him in those days grew worried. Steve never went a day without at least contacting her or Sam. Natasha had been the first to grow suspicious and went to check up on him. That was when she’d found him unconscious and seriously dehydrated. He spent the last day of his heat in hospital and woken there a week after.

The heats that followed that one were just as severe. The doctors believed it had something to do with Steve having been in ice for decades. They believed that his heats were now unbearable alone because of all the missed heats. Which explained the irregularity of them. 

Before being in ice, Steve’s heats came once every three months. Now they came whenever- days, weeks, months apart. Sometimes Steve was lucky and would feel his heats coming on, other times they hit out of nowhere. No steady progression, just a surge of tremors and he was in the middle of a powerful heat. 

The team grew worried for their leader and forced him to see heat specialists. The doctors believed that if Steve were to find a heat partner his heats would regulate themselves enough so that they were manageable. Steve felt physically ill at the thought of being with someone other than his late husband. Whenever a team member grew brave enough to ask, Steve grew defensive. 

Steve suffered another ten dreadful heats in the period of three months before he’d found himself sobbing in agreement with Natasha that he would need to have a heat partner. He didn’t want to go through his heat with just anyone. Heats were special. Sex wasn’t considered sex to people of his time. Sex was considered to be lovemaking. Something one should only ever do with their bond mate and now Steve was forced to break that tie of devotion. 

If Steve were to have a heat partner, he’d determined that there was one thing he would never do, and that was to mate with a complete stranger. He couldn’t trust a stranger to care for him at his most vulnerable. What if they took advantage of the situation. There was also the fact he couldn’t be sure his omega wolf would allow it. It might not recognize the stranger was there to assist him and end up killing them. 

The best option for a heat partner was to have someone from the team do it. Thor had Jane and was always moving from realm to realm. He wasn’t a reliable enough alpha for the persistent heats Steve was having. Bruce couldn’t be his heat partner because there was a high risk he’d turn into the Hulk. Steve couldn’t ask Sam, because the alpha wasn’t attracted to male omegas and Steve wouldn’t guilt him into doing something that could scar their friendship. That left the only other alpha in their team, Tony Stark.

Tony was in a relationship with Pepper, but he was also Steve’s friend, and he wanted to help. Tony spoke with Pepper about it and after he’d explained Steve’s condition, Pepper had understandingly agreed. Steve couldn’t understand how Tony’s mate could agree to something like this. Then again, he didn’t understand a lot about people of today. There was plenty polygamy in today’s world, and far more alpha/omega/beta pairings. In extremely sensitive cases such as Steve’s, there were even bond mates that would allow their partner to assist a close friend. 

It all sounded wrong to Steve, but he was now one of those cases and he truly needed their help. The last heat he had, Natasha feared for his life. He met Pepper privately to talk it over, needing to affirm what the others told him. He needed to look Pepper in the eyes and know that she understood and wouldn’t hold any animosity. He’d only found a supportive friend who understood Steve’s situation and would hold no grudges. Steve knew he’d never be as understanding if he’d been in Pepper’s place.

So for eight heats Steve had spent them with Tony. They were all horrendous. During these heats Steve would abruptly turn violent, enraged when scenting the false alpha. Tony wasn’t his bond mate and his wolf knew it. Blinded by rage, Steve would attack the man that was _assisting_ him. After the first heat left Tony unconscious and Jarvis alerting the Avengers, they’d made some improvements. Tony used his Iron Man gadgets to defend himself when Steve grew confused and violent. He’d defend himself against the rabid werewolf until Steve’s mind righted itself. 

After each heat, regardless of his Iron Man gadgets, Tony was sporting over a dozen bruises and cuts. Steve was always mortified and repentant for it, but Tony said he understood and it looked worse than it felt. Steve knew he was lying, but he was thankful that he hadn’t scared Tony off. He’d always be there to help him through the next one. Over time Steve’s heats regulated and he only had them once every one to two months apart. That had been when Steve heard of a man called the Winter Soldier. 

When he met the Winter Soldier and discovered his true identity, Steve had felt a conflicting amount of emotions. The most prominent were relief and anger. Relief that his mate was alive, but anger at Hydra for what they’d done to his husband.

For the next year after Bucky escaped his grasp, Steve had focused on nothing but finding him. His heats had come and Steve had spent them in agony alone, with Natasha and Clint watching over him. Those heats always ended with him being sent to hospital where he’d spend another week recovering. Steve couldn’t possibly spend his heats with Tony knowing that his alpha was alive. It was disrespectful and a betrayal to them, whether Bucky remembered him or not. 

Steve did find Bucky and went against the world and his friends in protecting him. When they’d gone in hiding and the world labeled him a criminal it hadn’t mattered. Steve felt like they were heading for a turning point and that he would finally have his mate, only, Bucky destroyed that hope. 

Hydra manipulated Bucky’s mind, but beyond that his husband’s body was altered from experimentations. Bucky’s sense of smell was the reason he was losing his mate. His alpha didn’t want him, no matter that Steve still loved him and wanted to be with him. Steve had become a criminal for Bucky and he wouldn’t change that for anything, but Bucky still didn’t want him. Steve’s scent repulsed his mate and the omega felt disgusted with himself. 

Steve was suffering the worst heats any omega could imagine and gave in to lessen the pain, never knowing that Bucky was alive. _God_ , if Steve had known, he never would have done it. Fate dealt him a cruel hand, giving him the one thing he wanted more than anything, but he was unable to have him anymore.

Steve didn’t want to believe that he’d lost Bucky. It was just that he was hurt and angry, but sooner or later Bucky would forgive him. He had to forgive him, because Steve didn’t want to think about the day the accords gave their full pardon. When that day came, he knew he would be forced to watch Bucky walk out of his life for good. Because even if Bucky didn’t say it, Steve was sure that Bucky would leave him. Why else would he want to divorce? Steve had broken their ties, spat on their bond, destroyed the supposed memory of his alpha mate by being with someone else. Bucky had every right to break ties with him. Steve was desperate and hopeful, but he knew Bucky. Knew that his mate never would have broken that vow himself and the fact Steve had, ate away at his heart. 

Steve was ever selfless and courageous, but with Bucky he could be selfish and he most certainly could be fearful. Steve had gone up against so many alphas, bigger and stronger than himself to defend the helpless and fight for what was right, but it had been Bucky to clean him up after. Bucky who’d been there to help him fight those alphas, no matter if Steve felt he could defend himself. Bucky had been there, his security and comfort. His family and home. In Bucky’s presence and love, Steve felt stronger. He felt like anything was possible, so Steve couldn’t lose that. He couldn’t lose Bucky. If he lost Bucky... Steve lost his heart, his soul, his home. 

Regardless of his wishes, Steve was forced to face the truth. He _was_ losing Bucky. Having watched in pain as Bucky shifted into his beautiful wolf form. A husky gray and black wolf, with the most attractive heavy furred scruff and bushy tail. Those silver blue eyes pierced Steve’s heart, even watching it from the small camera installed on Falcon. 

Bucky’s wolf had been so full of energy at finally being released to roam the wild. Then Bucky had invited Clint to sit where he’d been nesting. Steve had felt pathetically remorseful and jealous at the sight. If only he could shift with Bucky, he’d have made him the perfect nest and would have begged for that attention Clint received. Bucky had gone as far as giving Hawkeye warmth with his body heat. Steve was no longer a part of Bucky’s pack, his transgressions against their bond had sent his alpha to form a new one with someone else. 

Living every day knowing that Bucky rather hide away in his room than be around him was slowly killing him, but not as much as knowing that he wouldn’t be allowed to shift with his mate. They had shifted together since they’d been cubs. Always roamed and hunted as a pair. Playing in the wild and scenting each other with affection, before curling into a tight nest were some of the best memories Steve carried with him. Now Bucky did all that alone or with Clint and that was like having Bucky stab him in the chest. _Every day_ Bucky went out to shift and he wasn’t allowed to go with him. It was pure torture. His wolf whimpered for attention when near Bucky and knew even so that it was undeserved.

Steve thought nothing worse could happen, but he’d been wrong. Bucky requested to go out into the city, and although Steve was initially surprised by the request, he’d thought it was a good idea. Steve wanted Bucky to go out and do things. He hated how Bucky stayed cooped up in his room most of his days, and maybe that was Steve’s fault. No. It was absolutely Steve’s fault, because Bucky’s living quarters had been finished and ready for the alpha to move into for two days now and Steve hadn’t told him.

Steve was weak when it came to Bucky. He needed his alpha and Bucky didn’t want him. He knew it. He knew he had no right to keep Bucky near him, even if it meant the alpha was secluded in a room. It wasn’t healthy and he knew that, but Steve was afraid of letting Bucky go. If Bucky went to his own living quarters than Steve wouldn’t be able to bring him meals and talk to him through the door. True, Bucky hardly said much to him, but if he stood close to the alpha’s bedroom door and inhaled deeply, he could catch faint traces of his mate’s scent. _God_ , he knew that sounded sick, but Steve needed something. Even something so pathetically small as a hint of Bucky’s scent. 

Steve knew he was wrong and so he promised himself that he would tell Bucky that night that his quarters were ready for him. He’d be losing a bit more of his mate by doing so, but... Bucky deserved to have his freedom and privacy. Steve had been weak and pathetic for omitting this truth to the alpha, but... he’d needed the time to come to terms with the fact that Bucky was moving that next step further away from him. 

Steve informed Clint he would accompany Bucky on his trip to town. Even though he wanted to give Bucky his space, this would be the first time Bucky was leaving the security of Avengers compound and entering civilian territory. He needed to be there. What if Bucky snapped? What if Bucky bolted? What if Hydra was watching and attempted to extract him? Steve couldn’t lose Bucky again.

So Clint was to tail Bucky and Steve was to be somewhere in the area. Nowhere near viewing distance, but close enough by that he could come if he was needed. Steve had some errands to run anyways, so this was a good time to get through them. For the past few months he’d been staying strictly at the base, all so he could be near his mate. But for the the handful of missions he’d taken on, Steve had been there so that if Bucky needed him, he’d be at his side. 

When Clint reported that Bucky was seated at a bench in the park, Steve had been at a café shop several blocks away. While Steve sat and drank his cup of tea, baseball cap lowered to cover his face from the patrons view, Clint reported that some weirdo kid walking his cats had taken a seat beside Bucky. Steve paused mid-sip of his drink at Clint’s words, finding he couldn’t believe them. 

“I’m sorry, what did you just say?” Steve spoke into his ear piece that looked similar to a Bluetooth headset. 

“You heard me. Some weird kid is walking his cats.”

Steve tilted his head, perplexed. He’d been living in the 21st century for a while now and hadn’t seen something as odd as that. 

“People really do that- walk their cats?”

“Only the crazies.” Clint huffed and Steve grinned. The world was a really strange place.

“ _Oh_.” Clint spoke in surprise and that had Steve on alert.

“What? What’s happened?”

“Uh, nothing.” 

“No. Don’t you do that to me. Tell me what’s happened?”

“Really, nothing, just... Bucky and Wacko are walking.” 

Steve hesitated with that new information.

“As in... together?”

“Yeah.”

Steve didn’t know what to say to that. Why would Bucky be walking with a complete stranger, unless...

“Get a picture of the guy and we’ll run a background check on him.” Steve ordered. 

“Uh- I don’t think we’ll find much. It’s just a kid. Looks like they’re getting along. Just talking.” 

“Get a photo.” Steve demanded, voice rough. He wouldn’t take any chances. 

“Right, well. Kind of hard when I’m trailing them from the back.” 

“Just get it!” Steve snapped and bowed his head lower when he attracted a few stares from customers around him.

Ten minutes later Clint was contacting him and telling him that he’d managed to get a photo of the kid. Another ten minutes passed before Clint told him Bucky went inside a apartment complex with the stranger. Steve was cursing Clint for not telling him sooner and was up on his feet, his tea left forgotten.

Steve met Clint in front of a U.S. postal service building with a look of contempt the other omega shied away from him.

“What possessed you to allow him to go up with a complete stranger?” Steve all but shouted.

“Look, Steve... I think you might be overreacting. I mean it. I know how to spot a spy and that kid is no spy. Looks more like a nut-job to me.”

Steve hissed angrily and scanned their location with more thought, finding three apartment complexes lined up together across the street. Bucky was inside of one of them... with a stranger... doing God knows what...

“Which one is it?” Steve’s voice was dead of emotion. He wasn’t sure what to feel, but right at this moment his stomach was churning sickeningly.

“Steve. I don’t think barging inside of someone’s apartment is the best decision. Just wait. Bucky gave me a signal that he wouldn’t be long.”

Steve didn’t care what Clint thought. It had taken him _too_ long to get here which meant Bucky had been inside with either a complete stranger or a Hydra operative, both were unwanted in Steve’s book. He’d made it to the edge of the curb before one of the apartment complex doors opened and out walked Bucky and some young omega. 

Steve hadn’t known what to think. Hadn’t understood why Bucky had gone up to some stranger’s apartment, but he had known it was all wrong. The look he sent to Bucky when his alpha met his gaze affected him. Bucky physically drew back in on himself, almost as if guilt was weighing him down, and then his eyes lowered. Steve hadn’t wanted that. _God,_ that meant his alpha felt ashamed. 

_Ashamed of what?!_

_What had they been doing?_

Steve inhaled a deep breath in Bucky’s direction, but he couldn’t smell him all that well. Steve’s sense of smell was no where near close to Bucky’s capability, he’d have to get closer to the two, there were too many people crowding the streets around them. 

The omega’s wolf growled within, deeply upset when he’d been forced to witness that young omega take hold of his mate’s arm and ask if he was alright. Steve bit his tongue to hold that growl inside. He would not lose control of his wolf.

What Steve never would have thought was possible was to watch Bucky grasp a hold of the kid’s scarf and bring him in close for a kiss. Steve knew it was coming and yet he couldn’t draw his eyes away from it, even when Bucky tilted his head and his lips hovered over the boy’s. The universe must have taken pity on him, because in the very moment that the kiss took place a carrier truck passed by and hid it from view.

Steve stumbled back and away from the edge of the crosswalk as he’d helplessly listened to the kid and his mate flirt. In a painful daze Steve followed after them. Clint was on his right the whole time, casting him worried looks, but he couldn’t reassure his friend he was alright, because he wasn’t.

The next hour Steve and Clint sat inside of some diner watching the two speak so easily with one another. Steve could hear it all so clearly and Clint could read their lips. Bucky was so open with the kid, something Steve never would have imagined he’d be capable of doing after everything that had happened to him.

Bucky told the kid about what New York City was like in the 30’s and 40’s. He told him about his family and childhood. Recalled pranks he’d played on past pack members. He’d even told him somethings about the war, but nothing about Hydra. From what it looked like, the kid knew Bucky was the Winter Soldier and he still didn’t shy away. There were still a lot of people who considered Bucky a terrorist, despite knowing that it had been Hydra that brainwashed him to do their bidding. This kid seemed to be one of the Bucky sympathizers that were thankfully growing in number.

Then the flirting had begun and Steve had wanted to be anywhere else but there. It was playful and light. Even when he was a kid, Bucky had always been a flirt. That was just who he was. People called him an omegas alpha for a reason. All the omegas fawned over Bucky, Steve knew, because he’d been one of them. Bucky’s flirting hadn’t meant anything though. He was just sociable. Some people used sarcasm, others humor, Bucky used flirting. Bucky hadn’t done it all that often after they’d mated, but whenever he had Steve never took it for anything but friendliness. 

This was different. Inhaling deeply, Steve detect Jasmine. This omega's scent was enticing, even to Steve. It was almost similar to Clint’s scent, but far more potent. Some omegas were born with scents made to attract alphas and manipulate responses. Some came in combinations of several scents, but mint and jasmine were some of the few that had been proven to cause a noticeable response on alphas. Maybe that was why the flirting bothered him now, because Bucky could be manipulated by this omega’s scent? Maybe that was why Bucky had gone up to the kid’s apartment? It was an acceptable scent, as the kid grew and his hormones strengthened, Steve was sure he would have his pick of any alpha. 

“Barnes is really flirting with that toddler?” Clint choked on his coffee mid-sip as the flirting grew more obvious. 

Steve only than realized that to people of this time it would seem strange for a man who was physically in his thirties to be flirting with a younger man. Age hadn’t meant anything in his time. So long as the couple was consenting and their scents matched up well enough they could enter into a union. Steve’s mother had been seventeen when she’d mated his father who’d been forty. They were true mates and they’d been so happy together. After his father’s sudden death his mother hadn’t been the same. She’d gone the next twelve years of her life remembering him fondly, raising Steve. In the last moments of her life she’d been happy to join her mate. That was the only thing that had made her passing bearable. His mother and father had been reunited in heaven. 

“It wasn’t considered unusual in our time.” Steve softly noted when Clint had met his gaze briefly before going back to reading lips. 

“Well it certainly is now.”

“I know.” Steve answered, but Clint hadn’t seen him say it. It wasn’t so much for Clint as it was for himself. 

Steve endured the shameless flirting, but when he’d watched his mate exchange scarves with the young omega, he’d lost it. He’d felt Clint grab his arm and hold him back long enough so that the young omega disappeared behind the door. Steve effectively shoved Clint’s grasp off of him and strode angrily in Bucky’s direction then. 

Bucky was most certainly surprised to find him standing there and hadn’t said anything. Merely nodded in agreement when Steve had told him to follow him to his car, they were to head to the compound and have a conversation.

The car drive back had been in tense silence. Clint took his own car back, leaving the two to drive in the intensity of the other’s presence. Steve was so angry that he couldn’t unclench his jaw enough so to speak and Bucky was happy to stare at his knees the whole way back.

Steve lead their way back to his quarters of the compound. Sometimes it was hard to realize Bucky was the alpha. So much of the time Steve behaved like an alpha. Bucky had always let Steve lead their relationship. Bucky could be stubborn and pushy, but he’d always been a calm and indulging mate. Steve had always felt so powerless in his life that Bucky wanted to build up his confidence. More than anything, Steve knew that he’d become Captain America because of Bucky’s teachings. 

Bucky had taken to seating himself in one of the living room chairs and silently stared at his knees as Steve had paced the floor, contemplating how best to get his words across. He didn’t want to argue. He didn’t want to yell. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing here. If he said anything in the wrong way it might be another driving force that would be used to push his already distant mate further away. 

Steve halted mid-stride, stopping in front of the coffee table that divided him from a somberly awaiting Bucky.

“What the hell?” Inelegant a projection of his thoughts, but no matter how much Steve thought about it, he couldn’t make sense of any of this.

“Steve...” Bucky sighed placatingly and Steve hissed at that tone. Bucky had used that tone so many times in their past, to calm, soothe, and rationalize things for when Steve lost his temper. That wasn’t what Steve wanted. He didn’t need his alpha’s comfort. He wanted answers.

“No. Tell me. I need to understand. Who was that kid?”

“Steve... He’s just a kid I met at the park. Nothing is happening between us.” 

Steve could smack Bucky for how stupid he sounded.

“I saw you kiss.” Steve accused as if he had a right to Bucky, but he’d lost that right.

. . . 

Bucky went still at Steve’s tone. He wanted to snap at Steve for that accusing tone. He wanted to snap at Steve for daring to look at him like he’d thrown away their marriage when it had been Steve who’d done that. Bucky had remained loyal even without his memories. Bucky never stepped out on Steve. It was Steve who’d done it and if he had moved on with anyone, Steve didn’t have the right to confront him for it, but then... Steve was his mate. Steve loved him still.

He didn’t want to hurt Steve. Even now, the flirting hadn’t been meant to hurt him. Of course he’d been spiteful, childishly so when Steve had stared at him across the street earlier, but he’d amended it in the end. He’d guided Peter away from the flirting. Well... Then there was the diner, but that hadn’t been meant to hurt Steve. Bucky was trying to think about anything but Steve. Talking and flirting came naturally, he’d only meant fun by it. He’d forgotten that Steve was listening when Peter had gone after his plate. Peter was distracting and that was what Bucky needed, the kid was always getting him out of his own head, and out of his head was like heaven. Seeing that hurt, beyond the anger was what made Bucky feel remorseful and repentant. It made Bucky realize that the cruelty of his previous rejections had not steered Steve's hopes away from a reconciliation. Bucky needed to be firmer. He needed to leave no hope of reconciliation.

“It was just a kiss, and... I don’t need to explain myself to you when I’ve already told you that what we had is over.”

“How can you...? Do you realize...? How can you say that to me? _Me_ , Buck.”

Bucky wouldn’t dare meet Steve’s gaze. How could he when he knew he’d been in the wrong? He should have been more sensitive to Steve’s feelings. He’d ended their relationship, but that didn’t mean he had to rub salt into the wounds. Bucky wanted Steve, but there was a possibility that wouldn’t be possible. Who knew how long it took for him to break his aversion to Steve’s scent? He could last a few minutes scenting his mate, but that wasn’t enough. Even if he could last an hour, possibility two, scenting Steve, that wasn’t enough to start a relationship with his mate. He needed to break his aversion to the scent of pine as much as he needed to break his physical response. 

Dr. Hughes hadn’t given him a timeline of when his scent therapy would cure his reposes, or that it could cure. Every case was different. Seeing the anger and distress in Steve’s eyes earlier was the shock he needed to realize that just because he wanted Steve, didn’t mean it was right to have him. That wasn’t what he should be thinking about.

Steve wanted to reconcile, and wanted whatever that meant on Bucky’s part. Bucky couldn’t give Steve half of a relationship. He might be able to handle spending time with his mate if he breathed from his mouth, but his wolf side needed to scent to feel tied to his mate. That wasn’t possible right now. Steve needed to move on and maybe he had been angry with the way Steve stared at him with accusation, but it didn’t condone his behavior. He hadn’t actually flirted with Peter to hurt Steve. That was just how Peter and Bucky talked to each other. It helped distract them. Peter did smell nice, but it didn’t mean he’d ever start anything with the kid. Even if he could never be with Steve, Bucky couldn’t ever see himself being with someone else. 

“I met someone that was interesting and fun. I didn’t do anything when I was in his apartment. We just drank some hot cocoa and talked. I did kiss him, to test if I felt anything for him, but I felt nothing. I just like his personality and see him as a friend.” Bucky imbelished only partly, but he meant the rest, needing to right the hurt he’d caused his mate and forced himself to raise his gaze.

Bucky met conflicted ocean blue and watched as the pain lessened at his words.

“I... want a friend, Steve. I want to see him again... as a friend.” Bucky watched as Steve’s trembling fists grew still at his words. 

“I...” Bucky hated when his eyes stung and Steve blurred in his sights. “I loved you so much. You were my only...” 

Bucky bowed his head and felt like everything but a alpha as he palmed his eyes harshly, attempting to stem the flow of dampness that wanted to take him to his grief. He’d come to a decision. Now he had to follow through with it. He couldn’t have Steve. He’d continue with his scent therapy, but he needed to give up on the hope of ever having Steve. Even if he couldn’t be _with_ Steve anymore, Bucky needed the omega in his life. 

“You were my only true friend. I had friends, but they were never the ones I felt I could fully confide in. You were the one I went to whenever I needed support. You... How could you possibly think I could just...” 

“What are you trying to say?” Steve whispered, defeated. Bucky didn’t have to see him to hear the tears that were there. 

“I wish I was capable of being the alpha you want, but I... I can’t be that for you. You don’t deserve a broken alpha, Steve.”

“You aren’t broken.” Steve protested hotly.

“No, Steve, I am. I can’t physically be in the same room as you without breathing through my mouth. I can’t touch you. I can’t be a appropriate mate. We could never be intimate. What kind of relationship would that be?”

“I don’t care about the intimacy. I need you in my life.” Steve stubbornly growled. 

Bucky removed his hands from his face, eyes wet, but the tears were manageable. Steve had moved in the time he’d hidden his eyes and now he was kneeling where he had been standing, giving Bucky the wordless space he needed, but showing submission for his anger. 

“I love you, Bucky.” Steve’s bottom lip trembled and the silent tears that slid down his face had Bucky shuddering out a breath of heartbreak. This wasn’t like them. They never cried, but it seemed since they’d reunited they’d torn the other’s heart to pieces. Bucky broke, unable to hold the damn of tears.

“I loved you.” Bucky’s throat felt raw at the vocalization of that lie, but even though he couldn’t move on, Steve needed to.

The omega choked on a sob and bowed his head, fists pressing against the carpet, keeping him steady as the breathless sobs broke free. 

“I understand why you did it. I know you thought I was dead and I wish I could love you now, but I can’t. You’ve broken my heart, Steve. Please...” Bucky squeezed his eyes, tears released then and cascading down his face, freely.

“Please, let me go.” Wiping away his tears, Bucky tried to be strong. This was right. If he was somehow cured and if Steve was single, maybe then... Maybe then Bucky could begin to hope again, but for now... He had to give up hope. Fully. No more _ifs_ or _whens_. The future was unknown.

Steve couldn’t have any hopes of a possible future for them in order for him to move on. If he believed Bucky didn’t love him, then he couldn’t wait for something that just wasn’t. Bucky refused to leave their relationship in limbo. If he didn’t push Steve to move on and in the end he couldn’t find a cure, than he truly was a terrible mate for keeping Steve hanging on for a relationship that was lacking in every way. Bucky might not be able to find happiness, but Steve could. If he could find a alpha to spend heats with, than he was more than capable of starting over with his life. He was still young and such an amazing man, someone would surely win Steve’s love.

Hydra had taken so much from Bucky, it seemed only natural that they took Steve away too.

“Bucky... You are my everything.” Steve was shaking his head now, he couldn’t accept the alpha’s words, but Bucky needed him to.

“Spending time with that omega made me see how one might be able to move on, so I understand why you and Stark... If you tried, I’m sure you and Anthony...” It was a lie, but a lie he felt Steve needed to hear in order to move on.

“Stop... Please, just... Stop.” Steve inhaled shaky breaths, using a hand to wipe at his damp cheeks and bit his bottom lip to hold back the sobs. 

“I can’t be with you like that, but... I don’t want to lose you, Steve. I... Couldn’t we... Couldn’t we be friends?” Bucky knew he was asking a lot from Steve- _Hell_ , he was asking a lot of himself, but he needed this. If all else, Steve was Bucky’s world and he couldn’t be without him. It hurt to scent him and look at him now, but _that_ was something he could work through. Maybe not cure it completely, but a friendship didn’t require intimacy.

Steve stared at Bucky with such grief, but he could never deny anything Bucky asked of him.

“Yeah... Buck. Of course we can be friends.” The way Steve said it, Bucky knew it was killing him to say those words, but Steve was as desperate to have him in his life, even as a friend.

He’d done it. Bucky left Steve with no hope of a future for them. Steve would move on with his life and Bucky would work all the harder on the betterment of his health. They’d still be close, friends. With the scent therapy and counseling, there was a chance, however slight it might be that he’d be cured. Then, and only then could Bucky be with Steve. There was the possibility that Steve would have moved on by then, but if that were the case maybe they were never meant to be together in the first place. If that were the case, Bucky could at least be assured Steve was happy. It would have to be enough.

Bucky gave a weak nod and being unable to stand seeing his omega in such pain he became the coward he knew he was and rose to make a hasty retreat to his room. This would hurt like hell for both of them, but Steve was ever resilient and he’d move on for better, better than a broken failure of a Hydra project.


	9. Chapter 9

“Are you sure that was the right thing to do?” Dr. Hueghs said, referring to Bucky ending his relationship with Steve.

“Yes. It’s better for him.” Bucky wasn’t going to go back on his decision. Even if he was now living in his own quarters, no longer rooming with Steve. It had been a week since Bucky put a solid end to their relationship, and six days since living in his own section of Avengers compound. 

“For _him_... What about you, James?” 

Bucky hesitated at the question. What did it matter? He wasn’t right in the head, he didn’t need Dr. Hueghs to tell him that. He felt that Steve’s needs came before his own. He’d been his mate since they were teenagers and had always taken care of him. Ending their relationship was more for Steve than himself. 

Bucky could live with being damaged and without intimacy, but Steve deserved better than that, so he ended their relationship. He’d said as much to Dr. Hueghs, but he hadn’t received the reaction he thought he would. The woman’s brows furrowed, attempting to make sense of what she believed was a senseless belief on Bucky’s part. 

“Steve is more than capable of deciding what he can handle. Ending the relationship without giving him a say, don’t you feel that was too-“

“No. You don’t know Steve like I do.” Bucky cut Dr. Hueghs off mid-sentence, because he wouldn’t allow her to convince him otherwise. He’d made his choice for Steve and he wouldn’t change his mind. “Steve is a man of his word and won’t ever break his promises. He made vows and bonded with me. No matter how unhappy he might be, he’d never break his promise and leave me... so I broke ties with him. He doesn’t deserve to be saddled down with a damaged mate.”

Dr. Hueghs’ eyes softened, realizing just how low Bucky’s self worth was. 

“James, you aren’t damaged. If you want to be with Steve and are worried about your inability of being intimate, you should tell your partner. We could work on that. Steve _is_ your mate - let him decide for himself. If he really can’t handle it, shouldn’t you trust him to be honest with you?”

Dr. Hueghs had a point, but even still... Bucky would not back down. This was better for Steve.

“I can’t tell him. I can’t risk hurting him anymore. He’s accepted we’re over and... I don’t think I could handle being with him, only to have him decide he couldn’t be in a bond without intimacy. We’d both be miserable, but I... He’s already moved on with Stark once. He could move on again. But I... I’d want to be with him till the end of the line... and I don’t... I wouldn’t be able to survive having him reject me after trying. I’d...” 

Bucky shut his eyes imagining what it would be like to go after Steve. He’d beg Steve to take him back, and if Steve did only to later realize he couldn’t be in a relationship without intimacy... Bucky could endure the lack of intimacy. His wolf would hate it, but he loved Steve enough so that intimacy would only be a small slight to endure. But if Steve did reject him after he’d turned to his mate for all things... No... There was no way he would be open to doing that. 

Deborah scribbled down a numerous amount of issues that she’d have to work through with James. He lacked self-esteem, self-worth, trust, and so many others things. Deborah could only work at them one at a time, and it might take months to see an improvement with James’ thought process. 

“Let’s talk about your experience out in public with Peter?” Dr. Hueghs led. Start small, then work on the bigger things. That was the best approach with someone as closed off as James.

. . . 

Two months had come and gone. Two months since Bucky broke whatever hope was left of a reconciliation with Steve. The morning after that horrendous talk, Bucky had moved out of Steve’s quarters and into his own. Thor, a Avenger member he was to be sharing a floor with, had only come to stay in his part of the floor a couple of times. The god had a lot of responsibilities and thankfully stayed away from his side of the floor. Only because Steve had told him to. Bucky had been eavesdropping on the Avenger members for a while now, his hearing was enhanced enough that he could hear the others in their own quarters.

Maybe it was wrong? No. It was absolutely wrong, but Bucky wasn’t yet ready to socialize with all the Avenger members just yet. He’d rather use his hearing to find out what they were doing. He normally listened in on Steve. He’d listened on Steve so much so, that he knew the omega’s daily routine. 

Steve woke at 6:30AM and went out for a run with Sam, usually meeting him outside of the compound. The omega then returned to his quarters a little after 8:00AM and made himself something to eat. He’d shower after and meet up with the rest of the Avengers to go over their current agenda. Their missions of late were mostly related with Hydra in someway or form, after Bucky’s return, it appeared all Steve wanted was to destroy Hydra. There were only a few times that the Avengers were called to protect New York City or humanity from a super villain of some kind. 

From what he heard there was a man, Loki, that was causing most of the Avengers to direct their attention on him. It made little sense to Bucky, but he gathered bits and pieces from what the Avengers would talk about. He was able to glean that Loki was Thor’s adopted brother and betrothed, though Bucky still didn’t understand how that worked. Loki felt scorned to learn that Thor had a human lover, and Bucky could find himself relating to this god’s pain. Loki expressed his feelings of betrayal and anger on humanity as a way of revenge. Thor was only ever present for these meetings because of his love for his betrothed and wish for a reconciliation. 

Bucky eventually stopped listening to their missions because they only confused him more. It would seem that Steve wasn’t the only unfaithful mate of the Avengers. Who was Steve really? How could his omega have changed so drastically? Bucky had to remind himself again that Steve was no longer his mate and he could not judge him. 

If Steve wasn’t distracted by missions he would spend several hours in the afternoon or at night in their combat simulator, working out and honing his fighting skills. During the afternoon other members of the Avengers would join him, but he almost always spent his late night workouts alone. On the rare occasion, Sam and Natasha joined him, but not as often as he spent them alone. 

Steve didn’t sleep early. He stayed up late, until 2:00AM or 2:30AM, before sleep finally claimed him willingly or not. Then Steve began the process again. Bucky’s sleeping schedule matched Steve almost perfectly - the alpha was always up several minutes before Steve and went to sleep several minutes later than the omega. It might be that his alpha was always in tune to the omega, because Steve had once been his mate. The wolf felt that Steve was still his mate and so he would always be with him, wether it meant waking and sleeping a few minutes before and after him. Always wanting to be reassured he was kept safe. Bucky didn’t need much sleep to function, nor did Steve, another perk of the serum they’d been given. 

Bucky spent his days wandering the expanse of his quarters that was slowly beginning to smell like him and less like paint and plaster. In the morning while Steve ate breakfast or nights where he worked out in the combat simulator, Bucky went out to shift with Clint. Some of afternoons when Steve left for missions or out to the city, Bucky met with his therapist.

On the weekends Steve stayed in the compound, or he was persuaded on going out into the city with his Avenger friends. Bucky stayed in his quarters nearly all the time, but for his shifting. However, Fridays and Saturdays Bucky was beginning to go out with Peter. They’d started out small, working on their therapy homework, they’d frequent the park, then less populated areas of the city. Going into stores that were less packed; cafés, then bookstores, and then finally went to movie theaters and packed diners. 

It had taken a lot of trust of Peter’s part. He’d tied himself to Bucky’s scent, but he’d had times in which they had to leave the crowds and go somewhere less populated in order to regulate Peter’s panic attacks. 

On Bucky’s part, being overwhelmed with other people’s scents wasn’t as much difficult as it was to scent those who’d had many past sexual partners. Whenever they’d neared someone who smelled like so many other people Bucky’s senses went wild. His nostrils burned and his head clouded. Those times Bucky would lean into Peter, or grab hold of the omega’s clothing (scarf, jacket, gloved hand) to smell it and right himself. 

Where it came to Steve’s scent, Bucky was still working on it. The request he’d made to Clint still embarrassed him, but if it had to be anyone in the Avengers compound, he felt Clint would be the most likely to answer his request, given a appropriate explanation. So one night after they’d left Peter’s apartment, Bucky asked it of him. 

Bucky needed an article of Steve’s clothing. He wouldn’t dare ask Steve for it, that brought about too many questions. He certainly couldn’t sneak into Steve’s bedroom, the omega would scent he’d been there, plus, he would rather stay away from Steve’s bedroom. He needed something that smelled heavily of Steve, possibly a used shirt he’d worn to the gym? That is where Clint came in... All he had to tell Clint was the truth, that he needed to work on his aversion to Steve’s scent. The archer could understand why Bucky ended things with the omega, but he didn’t agree with his tactics. No matter his own opinions, he could see that Bucky was still trying, so he’d bitten back his curses as he’d agreed to sneak into Steve’s quarters and find him a used shirt. 

Clint was strangely a prude of an omega and Bucky smiled fondly when he’d returned from his mission and offered Bucky a previously worn workout shirt of Steve’s. Clint’s face was burning hot, but he’d said nothing after Bucky took it. Instead, he’d made himself scarce for the period of three days. 

Bucky’s response to Steve’s scent was growing better. He didn’t feel the immediate need to vomit after he’d reached his limit of smelling tainted rosewood. Now he only felt the unsettling churning in his stomach and his eyes would water as his endurance of the scent of pine ended. 

One day as he scented Steve’s shirt the pine began to overpower rosewood, and he morbidly found himself focusing on it. The pine hurt him. It was another alpha, but Dr. Hueghs wanted him to work on his response to the pine now. Rosewood he loved, but that pine was the trouble. He didn’t want to focus on it. He didn’t want to grow accustomed to the scent, but it was the only way to work through his negative response to it. 

Anthony Stark smelled of pine, but beyond that he smelled of hundreds of omegas and betas. It was disgusting. How could an alpha have that many lovers? Stark smelled the worst of any alpha, beta, or omega he’d ever come into contact with in all his years of life. He smelled like a whore of an alpha, and Bucky hated how his mind began to wander. 

Anthony Stark had slept with possibly a thousand or more people, and if that was the case, maybe he was a virile and experienced lover? Maybe Stark knew more about pleasing a lover than Bucky did? Maybe Steve enjoyed Stark’s skills so much that he’d only wanted Stark and no one else after having him that first time? Maybe he compared Stark’s and Bucky’s skills? Maybe Stark was able to please Steve in a way Bucky never could?

Bucky couldn’t see, his sight was blurred terribly. Tears were set free by all these paining thoughts, and Bucky couldn’t take it anymore. His alpha was howling in sorrow as his body shook, the pained sob that broke from his trembling lips broke something inside of Bucky. Something snapped and all he could find was himself questioning everything they’d been.

. . . 

Bucky tried to squash those terrible thoughts, but once they began he couldn’t grab a hold of them. They ate away at him. Whenever he attempted to scent Steve’s shirt those thoughts became all the more vicious until he'd decide he needed a break from scenting. He’d all together given up using his nose for that week, frightened he’d scent Steve or an Avenger member that carried traces of Stark’s scent.

A week later, Bucky managed to pull himself together and forced himself back on with therapy homework. He was scenting Steve’s shirt once every other day as opposed to the twice a day exercises. It wasn’t as often, but it was as much as he could do now and he intended to build himself up to trying more often in the future. Peter’s scent was the only thing that made it bearable. Whenever he found himself giving into those disheartening thoughts, Peter’s scent would soothe him into a much needed calm.

It was at the end of that week, Friday morning, that Steve came to his quarters. Bucky had not been expecting him and burned himself on the stove where he’d been preparing himself scrambled eggs. 

“I’m sorry! I should have made more noise.” Steve helplessly noted when Bucky burned his fingers on the pan.

“No, I should have heard you.” Bucky reassured weakly. It was his damning thoughts about Steve and Stark that had made him careless. 

“I...” Steve stammered, taking a step towards Bucky, eyes fixed on his red fingers. He wanted to check on it, but realized that wouldn’t be what Bucky wanted, so he stayed where he was. “Is it bad?”

“Just a burn. It’ll heal soon.” Bucky could already feel his skin cooling - super serum healing worked like a charm on any wounds. 

“Right.” If anyone could understand that, it was Steve.

Bucky stared at his injured hand and palmed it with his other, smoothing over the skin as he contemplated how life could be so cruel to them. 

“So, why have you come here?” This was the first time Steve had come to see him since that last conversation they’d had.

“I was about to head out and go shopping. I... Uh, I thought you would like to join me. I mean... We used to go out and around the city when we were friends... so...” Steve was struggling, but he was trying. Trying to accept Bucky’s decision. 

Bucky knew Steve. They’d grown up together and Bucky could read Steve’s thoughts whether or not he used their bond to do so. Steve needed Bucky near him and he’d take Bucky in anyway he could. If that meant they spent time as friends, well, then Steve would be the greatest friend of anyone out there. 

Bucky needed him - damn the terrible thoughts that were slowly crushing the pieces of his heart into nothing, Bucky wanted to be near Steve too. 

“Okay.” Bucky didn’t care for eating anymore, and without another word to Steve he began shutting off the appliances and throwing away his half cooked eggs. 

Steve awkwardly stood watching him, his lips parted in the starting of protesting Bucky’s rush. But if he did that it would mean leaving Bucky to continue with his tasks, and possibly having to leave him to finish. He wanted to be near him for as long as he could, so he kept any protests silent. 

“We could get something on the way.” Steve said as they left the alpha’s quarters. 

Steve drove them to a drive-thru of a café, telling him that they had the best coffee he’d ever tried and he thought Bucky would love them. Bucky didn’t know what to order, so Steve ordered him a caramel macchiato. Bucky loved sweets and lost himself to the brew - there were some things that Bucky could appreciate from the 21st century. 

It was the first week of December and Steve was currently shopping for Christmas gifts. Bucky felt his heart expand with emotions when Steve told him of his intention for Christmas shopping. Steve always lit up during the holidays, just like the young cub he’d fallen for, ever sweet and generous. 

Steve’s mother had been Christian and his father had been Catholic, so Christmas was a big thing for the omega. Even though Bucky was raised Jewish, he would do some of Steve’s most treasured Christmas traditions, especially after Steve lost his mother and had no one to celebrate it with. Steve had been touched that first Christmas after his mother’s passing when Bucky had helped decorate and celebrated with him, that after, Steve always celebrated Hanukkah with Bucky.

Bucky hated how he’d ruined Thanksgiving for Steve. Having your estranged husband hiding inside his room, ignoring your attempts to get him out and having a Avengers Thanksgiving dinner had been something. Bucky refused to leave his room and so Steve stayed with him in his quarters. His dinner had been that Thanksgiving meal he’d refused to go to - Sam had brought Steve and Bucky leftovers. They were good, but Bucky hadn’t been ready to be in a room with the whole lot of the Avengers. God forbid Stark had been there too - Bucky was sure he wouldn’t be able to control himself and might end up snapping the man’s neck. 

“What?” Steve asked, a soft smile on his face. Since Bucky agreed to join him, Steve had been all smiles. Maybe he’d doubted Bucky’s words of being able to be friends; it seemed that he couldn’t doubt him now. 

Bucky was smiling softly back. Steve held a horrible overly decorated Christmas sweater in his hands. They were in Macy’s shopping for clothes, standing across from each other at a rack of sweaters. 

“Who’s that for?” Bucky couldn’t help but wonder, the poor sap. 

“This? I was thinking of buying it for myself.” 

Bucky’s smile widened at the idea of Steve wearing that hideous sweater. He was unsure what to focus on, the furry reindeer, the robust Santa Claus with white yarn sticking out for his beard, or the elves loading gifts on the sleigh. 

“Steve... No.” Bucky raised out his flesh hand and yanked the atrocity out of Steve’s grip and threw it over the rack.

“Hey, why would you-“ Steve raised out a hand to take hold of the sweater again and Bucky raised his metal hand, gripping Steve’s hand. 

The omega went completely still, eyes widening with surprise at the touch. Bucky hadn’t touched his skin since well... since the 40’s, but this was different. Bucky wasn’t actually _touching_ Steve, his metal hand was touching Steve’s skin. There was a difference. Skin on skin contact transferred scent markers. Skin on metal couldn’t transfer scent markers from the glands of their palms, so Bucky wouldn’t be able to scent Steve if he scented his metal hand. 

Bucky attempted to ignore the look and explained himself. “Just because you don’t have those hideous sweaters your mother made you, doesn’t mean you should buy them.”

Steve’s eyes snapped away from where their hands were touching to narrow his eyes at Bucky. “I never heard you complaining when I wore them in the past.”

Bucky couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes.

“What did I do to them every time you wore them?” Bucky asked, feeling himself only slightly shying away from admitting the truth, but Steve was his friend now. Bucky attempted to reassure himself that teasing and flirting with Steve would feel like he did when doing it with his friends.

“You...” Steve paused to remember. 

Bucky watched as a blush bloomed across his face, growing deeper in shade and spreading to his ears. Right, Steve remembered all those times Bucky would attack him with kisses and remove those hideously knitted sweaters, ravishing his husband, then stealthily hiding them away so Steve would need to find something else to wear. 

“ _Oh_.” Steve spoke softly, bowing his head shyly, unable to meet Bucky’s gaze right then.

“Mhmm. I hated them then, I sure as hell hate them now. Find something less... festive.” Bucky released Steve’s hand and glanced back at the rack of clothing. Picked out a more agreeable gray knitted sweater and offered it up for Steve’s inspection.

“I like this one on you. Gray brings out the silver blue of your eyes.” Bucky answered honestly, having not meant for it to sound flirty, but it came out to be so.

“Oh.” Steve murmured and took the sweater from Bucky for further inspection.    

Bucky looked away from Steve, attempting to give him enough time to recover and absentmindedly shifted through the rack, looking without really seeing. 

Steve put the gray sweater in the shopping cart and filled it with a lot more clothing for Avenger members and some other SHIELD agents Steve knew. By the time Steve finished shopping, he’d thought they should call it a day. Steve could shop forever, it was Bucky who’d always hated shopping, and decades later they hadn’t changed. Steve said they could come back and shop for some other things and Bucky didn’t protest to the idea. By the time they had finished it was well into the afternoon and they were both hungry.

Steve told Bucky about a great Korean BBQ restaurant across the street that he was sure the alpha would like. Bucky trusted Steve - his estranged husband knew him well enough to know his likes and dislikes. When they entered, Steve requested a table in the back that was dimly lit. It was a rather romantic setting, but Steve explained that he liked eating there because it gave him anonymity. 

Bucky wasn’t sure what to say. He knew how to flirt his way out of awkward situations, but he couldn’t bring himself to flirt more with Steve right now. Distracting himself with reading the menu, he was able to give himself some time to recover from the silence that had claimed them. When shopping they had something to distract themselves with. Now, they were seated in a rather quiet restaurant and one of only six customers. 

When their waitress came, she’d given Steve a more than friendly smile. Her eyes seemed to suggest more, and Bucky didn’t like it, but he couldn’t say anything. The woman was an omega, Bucky knew it as soon as he’d scented her. She, like many others, didn’t care that Steve was an omega. Steve’s body was more of an alpha than the most alpha-ish of alphas. 

Bucky had only made love to Steve once after his physical change and he was sure that if Steve wanted to, he could more than please any omega. Hell, Steve’s junk was bigger than his own. Though he couldn’t knot, Steve could definitely find a partner in another omega. In their time same status couples were unacceptable, but in today's world that was considered acceptable. Since he’d ended their relationship he could not fault Steve if he were to give into this omega’s blatant flirting. 

Bucky acted as if he didn’t notice it. The woman hadn’t even taken notice of him, too entranced by Steve, but he couldn’t fault her for that. Steve was effortlessly beautiful. He’d always been beautiful, even before the serum, whether Steve wanted to believe it or not. 

“So, let me go over your order again, Captain Rogers.” The woman giggled, having lost herself in Steve’s most known title. 

Bucky cleared his throat because, although he couldn’t fault either of them, he didn’t like it. The woman finally took notice of him. Raising his head, Bucky’s face was lit by the lights of the restaurant, clear enough for the woman to recognize him.  

Knowing he shouldn’t didn’t mean he could not take pleasure in the paling of the woman’s features. Her eyes widened with fear and Bucky answered it with a slight curl of his lips, a smirk that said everything but friendliness.

The world thought him a terrorist, thought him a murderer who was dangerous. All were true, but could also be argued to be just as equally untrue. Bucky was sure Steve would be the first to counter every hateful and demeaning thing the world thought of him.

Their waitress most assuredly feared him for all the negative things people said about him. But beyond all the negative terms that were used about him, everyone knew who he’d been to Steve Rogers, their idealized hero Captain America - Mate and husband. The man that turned Captain America into a criminal, until chaos called him back and he and his team were pardoned.

“I- I-“ The waitress was trembling, eyes snapping from a emotionless Bucky then to an on edge Steve. 

Bucky looked away from the waitress, hoping that by directing his eyes away from her that she might calm down. He didn’t like her flirting with Steve, but he also didn’t want to cause a scene. 

“It’s alright.” Steve attempted to reassure, forcing out an awkward laugh. 

Sighing heavily, Bucky forced himself to relax his features into a softer smile. Attempting for genuine, but feeling the tension at keeping that smile up. 

“It’s fine, hon. No offense taken. I’ll have what Steve’s having.” Bucky spoke softly, keeping his cadence level. 

“Ri- Right.” The waitress nodded and hurriedly left their table. 

Bucky watched her disappear behind the swinging door of the kitchen, and didn’t have to look at his estranged husband to know Steve was looking at him.

“What?” Bucky asked, turning to look at his menu that remained, their waitress having forgotten to take his and Steve’s.

“You... You didn’t tell her.” Steve said just as softly as Bucky had spoken to the waitress. That made Bucky look up at Steve. 

Steve was looking at Bucky with confusion, attempting to make sense of something. Bucky was lost, Steve seeing this, explained himself. 

“You didn’t tell her that you and I are...” 

_Right. Of course. Bucky had kept up the image that they were a united front. That he and Steve were together, even after he’d told Steve otherwise._

“Well, that... is rather personal. I would rather not explain myself to people who have no right to know about our relationship.” 

Bucky glanced up and evaluated Steve as the omega’s features shifted, one second furrowed in pain, the next resigned. 

“Right. Of course. I’ve gotten so used to people knowing everything about me... You shouldn’t have to have that. If... If you rather keep our separation from the press, than I can-“

“No. I...” Bucky inhaled a breath and folded his hands together on top of the table. “I... Eventually people will start to notice, if...” 

Bucky wasn’t sure how to finish that sentence. Steve didn’t understand he was trying to fix himself. If he succeeded than they could reconcile, if Steve still wanted him. If he failed in his treatments then... then there could never be a reconciliation. If that happened then of course the world would learn. He just didn’t know how to explain all of this to Steve without revealing his scent therapy.

“I understand. You want to wait until it’s unavoidable. Give yourself some peace before the press storm takes over.”

_There, that was a better option._

Bucky nodded and Steve somberly accepted Bucky’s wish. 

Steve looked different now. The smile from earlier while shopping was gone, the content on his face was replaced with devastation. Bucky hadn’t meant for that - he hated seeing Steve like this. Since Bucky came back into Steve’s life all he’d done was destroy his mate, little by little. 

Bucky couldn’t take this for much longer. He didn’t like this. It was hurting him just as much to be cruel to his mate as it was hurting Steve to receive it. 

“Steve.” Bucky rasped weakly, his heart pulsing painfully as those deep blue eyes stared up at him, always open. 

_Always full of love._

Bucky loved Steve and he would never stop loving his mate. God, he wished he could tell him, but he feared hurting Steve more with that proclamation. He had to do something to stop that look though... he’d do anything to comfort his mate in some way. That was when he realized there was something, but... There was still the possibility that he could... His scent therapy was working so well so far, maybe he could... If he took the necessary precautions he might... Yes. The Avengers were more than capable of...

“Steve... Will you... Will you shift with me?” Bucky swallowed back his fears. 

Steve couldn’t believe what he was hearing and stared with disbelief at his husband. His wolf howled within with sheer relief, and the omega couldn’t stop it as his eyes watered at the very invitation of shifting with his mate once more. He’d never thought he’d have the chance to again, and with a hoarse projection of a whine, he watched Bucky’s eyes soften, staring at him with such sympathy. 

“ _Yes_.” Steve laughed brokenly, and hurriedly wiped at his damp eyes to rid them of the tears that wanted to be released. “ _Yes._ ”


	10. Chapter 10

Bucky was a ball of nerves - he’d agreed to shift with Steve because he couldn’t take the pained looks anymore. He wanted to give something that he knew Steve’s wolf needed desperately, but now he was second-guessing himself. He hadn’t thought this through clearly. 

He now stood by the edge of the woods with Clint and Sam. Sam was further off and away from the two, pacing the floor and casting wary looks in his direction. It was so very obvious to Bucky that Sam, believing himself to be Steve’s best friend, didn’t trust him to shift with Steve.

Bucky turned his sights to the rest of the Avengers as they quickly approached, Steve being the first his eyes made contact with. How could they not - Steve was Bucky’s world. The omega was positively glowing, eyes bright, smile pure and welcoming as he met Bucky’s gaze head on. There was no reservation or fear for what was about to occur. Bucky wasn’t as confident.

He wasn’t sure how this shifting together would turn out, so they’d thought it best to invite the rest of the team, except for one. Bucky wasn’t an idiot, he knew Steve wouldn’t let him meet Stark, especially at a time like this. Steve never said it, but Bucky highly doubted he’d be seeing Stark for the foreseeable future, given what he’d admitted to his mate. Alphas were aggressive and territorial, and whether Bucky liked it or not, his alpha would never stop seeing Steve as _his_ mate. 

Bucky cautiously watched as the rest of his handlers neared where he and Clint were standing, coming closer to him than Sam was. Thor, Vision, Wanda were standing at Steve’s right and gave various smiles of greeting to him. Natasha and Bruce stood beside Steve’s left, Bruce giving a nod of his greeting and a weary smile. Then there was Natasha, who gave Bucky a look of her own, one that was anything but friendly. It was more of a cold threat. Giving Steve a look that told him she didn’t support his choice, she turned and moved away to stand beside a glaring Sam. Bruce watched after her and soon moved to joined her, murmuring something in her ear. Bucky didn’t care to listen in.

“I’m so happy to see you, Bucky.” Steve cheerily greeted him, all smiles, seeming not to care that they were surrounded by the Avengers who were obviously listening in to their conversation. 

Bucky closed his eyes and exhaled a shivering breath. Of course Steve was happy that he was here and he hadn’t wussed out of shifting together. 

“Steve.” Bucky said for his own greeting, opening his eyes to stare into his estranged mate’s. Even in the darkness of night, Bucky could see the glint of blue in his eyes from the light of the full moon.

“I thought... Maybe you should shift first. Let my wolf have time to register your shift.” Bucky murmured, unsettled, gaze lowering to stare at Steve’s shoes. 

“Okay.” Steve said just as softly and dipped his head low enough to catch Bucky’s gaze once more. “It’s okay, Buck. We’ll take this slow. You don’t have to shift if you aren’t ready. Okay?”

Bucky was amazed. Steve read him so well. It sometimes surprised him how well he was in tune to his feelings, even though he’d muted their bond. Bucky nodded in confirmation and then Steve was moving away, turning to the rest of the team. He told them that he was going to shift and that they should monitor Bucky’s response. The team circled Bucky in a wide enough circle that he didn’t feel trapped, but also reassured that the team had every angle to intercept him if he responded badly with Steve’s shift. 

In all actuality, Bucky wasn’t sure they needed the whole lot of them, but it was done to reassure Bucky that if he did turn feral Steve would surely be safe. The Avengers would never let him get close enough to hurt their leader with the whole team there and vigilant.

In silence Bucky watched as Steve vanished into the forest to shift. Shutting his eyes, Bucky pinpointed Steve’s footsteps rustling against the long wild grass until they came to a stop, and then he listened in as the omega removed his clothing. Bucky softly inhaled his surroundings, found rosewood and detected as the scent strengthened, all as Steve shifted into his wolf form.

Wolves always carried stronger pheromones than that of their human form. In the past, Bucky had always felt the most aroused when Steve was in his wolf form. Scenting the strengthening of rosewood and that little something else that was always there excited Bucky’s wolf - it always had. During Steve’s heat, his omega smelled so delicious, that light warm scent that followed rosewood reminding him of freshly baked vanilla cake. 

Now, Bucky scented it just as strongly as if Steve was in heat. Maybe it was because it had been so long since he’d smelled it, or maybe it was because Steve’s heat cycle might be nearing, Bucky was unsure. He was no longer intimate with Steve, so he didn’t know when Steve’s heat cycles were... but it smelled just as intoxicating. 

Wearily, squeezing his closed eyes, Bucky focused on his mate’s scent as the omega moved from out of the forest and approached the team. Bucky heard the heavy fall of paws on the ground as the wolf he knew so well, almost as well as his own, stilled before him. 

Bucky didn’t open his eyes just yet. The team shifted around him and he knew, though he couldn’t see them, they had readied themselves for anything. Focusing on the scent of pine he knew he’d find on his mate, Bucky inhaled a deep breath of it and felt his eyes water when first detecting it. 

The wolf within Bucky came out against his will and the warning growl that escaped his mouth was deep and threatening. Anger and pain wanted to be released and Bucky helplessly inhaled another breath of that paining scent. Pine made him feel sick to his stomach, and yet Bucky couldn’t stop from smelling it. 

Uncontrollable tremors ran through his body, his fur stood on end, and Bucky grew furious at himself for being unable to hide the sadness that quickly permitted the air. He smelled of devastation, and then Steve’s wolf let out a pained whimper, unable to hide his response.

Bucky fell to his knees and bowed his head. 

“Oh...” Bucky felt it - the extending of his bones, and then he was shifting whether he wanted to or not. Without a moment’s pause, Bucky quickly worked as freeing his metal arm off of himself and it fell to the ground with a dull thud. 

Bucky’s eyes snapped open and stared in front of him. Between Thor and Sam, Bucky could see the large gold and white wolf with the most beautiful blue eyes staring at him. The wolf was laying flat on its stomach, ears lowered fully, tail tucked between it’s legs, submitting to him completely. Bucky’s eyes dampen as his claws and fangs grew in length, his wolf feeling hurt. Then anger took place after, because he didn’t want to admit he was hurting. The wolf wanted to pounce on Steve, bite into his neck and reclaim what had been his. Another part of the wolf wanted to attack and maul his mate. Then there was the need to run away and never see his mate. 

His wolf wasn’t sure what will would win out and that made Bucky so afraid. He didn’t want to hurt his mate. 

“Steve-“ Bucky growled as his shift took on full effect - the rest of his warning was swallowed away by more feral growls. 

Bucky’s clothes stretched and tore off from his body as he shifted, and moments later he was standing around the Avengers in his wolf form. Steve hadn’t moved from his spot and Bucky’s wolf liked that. Steve knew better than to stand and tower over Bucky’s wolf form with his far larger form, as it would upset the alpha and his wolf might take it as a sign that Steve was challenging him. 

“Hey there.” Sam warned when Bucky took a step in Steve’s direction. 

Bucky turned and growled at the Falcon in unison with Steve’s wolf. Bucky’s eyes flicked back to look at his mate, who growled at the Falcon again. Steve couldn’t speak to his team, but Bucky knew it was the only way Steve’s wolf could tell them to let Bucky free from their barrier so that he could approach him. 

The wolf within liked that. He wanted out of this barrier and he wanted to approach his mate. Bucky could breathe from his mouth, but it was harder when he was in his wolf form, and right now the wolf wanted to scent Steve further. 

Bucky could only try and calm his wolf - sometimes it worked, and other times not so much, which was why they needed the Avengers. Bucky wasn’t sure what his wolf wanted from Steve, because his inner wolf was in turmoil and responding to his mate’s body language as well as the agitating Avengers’.

“Let him go. It’s what Steve wants. We’ll intervene if need be.” Natasha said, eyeing Bucky’s wolf cautiously.

“Right. Well, I’m not so sure that’s the best idea when Barnes here couldn’t control his shift.” Sam shot back, having not moved from blocking the barrier. 

Steve and Bucky growled in unison at the Falcon’s words and Bucky took another step toward the barrier. He’d maul them if he had to in order to go to his mate. He rather not though, the scent of blood would bring out the hunter instincts to the forefront of his wolf’s mind. 

“ _Sam_.” Natasha hissed. 

“Friend Sam, I agree with Natasha. I’ve taken on many beasts far more dangerous than this wolf.” Thor confidently said, smile upon his face, as if this seemed all so silly to him, and maybe it was - Thor was a god after all. He must have had more daunting opponents.

“Fine. Don’t blame me if something goes wrong.” Sam angrily shot back and moved away from the barrier. Like a domino effect, the rest of the Avengers pulled back and Bucky had his opening. 

Bucky focused on the eyes of the wolf lying still on the ground. Those piercing eyes earnestly stared back at him, and slowly Bucky neared the omega that should be his, but felt nothing like his mate. 

When Bucky stood before the golden wolf, he sat himself on his haunches. He regarded the Avengers momentarily as they shifted around the two, circling them loosely, prepared to intervene. 

Bucky didn’t care about them. His wolf forced himself to inhale another deep breath of his mate, and Bucky huffed a agitated breath at the scent of pine. Closing his eyes, the wolf raised his head to the sky and released a pained howl, needing Mother Moon to give him strength for this. His wolf felt on edge, and although a part of him wanted to comfort the omega laying submissively on the ground, he couldn’t. He wanted away, right now, before he lost himself to his anger. 

With the thoughts of needing space, Bucky’s wolf turned away from the awaiting omega wolf, and dashed in between Vision and Thor, out of their circle and away from the whole lot of them. His three legs moved swiftly under him, his form diving through the wild forrest. The large, muscular frame snapped large, thick branches, claws scratching across the ground every upward pull. There was a need to maul and Bucky refused to let Steve be the one he hurt. 

Tears blurred his line of sight and he felt the tears dampen the fur under his eyes. He’d never given to crying in his wolf form, but after being forced to scent that, how could he not?

Bucky came to a sudden stop when he found himself facing the lake before him, standing in the same area he’d been in so many times in the past. This was where he would rest after a shift, usually with Clint. 

When he heard the soft crunching of feet against the earth, Bucky snapped his head in the direction and found said archer. He was the only comfort he had now, after dealing with that painful interaction.

Clint said nothing as he moved to stand beside him and stared at the lake. Bucky turned his attention back to the lake and attempted to calm the pain clenching at his heart. His inner wolf wanted to give into his sorrow, and Bucky couldn’t condemn his instincts for it. 

All at once Bucky collapsed against the earth. His mate was gone - Steve knew better than to follow Bucky, having scented his devastation. Of course he wouldn’t go after Bucky after he’d laid himself open and had been shunned by Bucky’s wolf. But Bucky had thought...

Bucky raised his one paw and pressed it against his snout, his eyes shut, hiding the wetness that was there. His tail tucked tightly between his legs and the way his form trembled told Clint all he needed to know, because in the next moment Bucky felt a hand running through the fur of his scruff and another hand resting over his one paw.

“I’m here.” Clint soothingly spoke. “It doesn’t feel okay, I know, but it will be. Believe me.” 

Bucky’s wolf whined, needing that care. He only wished it could be Steve who could give him this comfort, but knew that it was impossible. His paw slid away from his snout and Bucky opened his wet silver blue eyes to stare up at a somber Clint. 

Clint met his stare and flashed a soft smile, his hands moving to shyly stroke the fur under his flattened ears. 

“You tried. We knew it wasn’t going to be perfect, but you’re trying. Hell, you did better than I thought you would.” Clint comforted and silently watched as the wolf pulled away from his touch to shuffle around him.

Bucky knew Clint was right. He hadn’t known what he would do, but he knew that his response could have been a lot worse than showing just how broken he was and running away from his mate. Bucky snuffled softly in agreement and Clint was dumbfounded to find himself being curled up around the wolf’s body. Bucky’s large head was resting against Clint’s left leg, pressing against him fondly and with need of that affection the omega had showed him earlier.

Clint stared at him for a long moment, before sighing with defeat and leaning his back against Bucky’s sturdy side. One of Clint’s arms wrapped around his neck and gently stroked the fur under his left ear. Bucky hummed softly, pressed closer into Clint’s side and the two never mentioned how he spent that night soaking Clint’s side with tears that _might_ have been released.

. . . 

Bucky and Steve had stayed away from each other for the entire day after that most disheartening first shift together. Bucky could have given up then. He could have called it quits because of the conflicting feelings of his wolf and human self, but Bucky did not. How could he? He hadn’t actually hurt Steve, nor had he lost himself to bloodlust. He’d shifted back into his human form, so he hadn’t gone feral and forgotten himself. Not for a minute had he lost his humanity, even when he had been the wolf. So no, Bucky wasn’t going to call it quits, and he’d found Steve the following day to tell him just that.

Steve was wary, not for himself, but for Bucky. He didn’t want him to force himself into doing anything he didn’t feel ready for, but Bucky would not let himself take that out. No, Steve needed him, even if he couldn’t have him as a mate. The very least Bucky could try was to be some kind of a pack member for Steve, so they shifted together again. 

The second shift was done with only four Avenger members this time. Thor and Clint were at Bucky’s side when he shifted, Falcon and Wanda were at Steve’s side for his. Both wolves shifted nearly a mile from the other. This time, Bucky’s wolf watched as Steve took on the position of a submissive mate with mild agitation. Bucky’s wolf growled in warning for his mate to stay away from him, before leaving the prone golden wolf and disappearing into the woods. 

Later that night, Steve neared where Bucky’s wolf lay resting near the lake. Clint sitting at his left, while Thor sat further to his right on a large stone, staring at the stars of the cold night. When Bucky scented Steve’s approach he’d simply opened his eyes and stared calculatingly at his mate. 

Steve had brought with him a deer, dangling frailly between his sharp canines. Steve’s wolf neared the alpha, until he stood nearly ten feet in front of him and dropped the offering. Bucky stared at the dead deer - it was large, and even though the wolf’s mouth watered at the idea of feasting on the offering from his mate, it did not move to accept it. 

The alpha wolf met the eyes of his mate before turning his head away from him and his offering, instead taking in the tranquil image of the lake. Bucky felt his heart clench in pain when his mate let out a soft whine, but he did not turn to regard his omega. Steve’s wolf left him with his large frame seeming smaller and drawn in.

They’d shifted four more times, and each time Steve came to where Bucky had claimed his resting place near the lake. He brought with him worthy kills of the woods, and each offering was rejected. It felt that no matter what Steve killed in honor of him, none of it would ever be worthy of receiving forgiveness from his wolf. His wolf loved Steve, still considered him his mate, but had been hurt too deep to forgive. 

Steve wasn’t one to give up, and Bucky _was_ trying to amend himself enough so that his response to Steve improved. Maybe one day they’d both succeed and get what they both wanted?

. . .

“Bucky.” Peter said while bending a leg under him and leaning against the back of the couch they sat together on. It was late in the afternoon and they were alone in Peter’s apartment. His aunt May was working until later on this evening, so after they’d finished with their scent therapy out in the city they’d come to have a cup of tea at Peter’s.

Bucky raised his head up from staring at his mug of tea, just warm enough to heat his flesh hand nicely. Raising a quizzical brow as his silent acknowledgement that he was listening, he waited for the omega to speak.

“My aunt’s planing on going out of town at the end of the month for a friend’s wedding, so I’ll be alone at home. I thought we could go out and see the city at night. Visit a few clubs. It’d give you and I the chance to really put our scenting endurance to the test.”

Bucky shot Peter an unimpressed look.

“You’re a kid.”

“So?”

Bucky smiled and shook his head. Of course Peter didn’t care he was a minor. He was a youth, and youths were all rebellious, even the smart dorky ones. 

“A minor shouldn’t be clubbing, and as a adult, I shouldn’t be supporting your need to be a juvenile miscreant.”

“I wouldn’t go as far as calling me an miscreant.” Peter pouted. 

“Mm.” Bucky hummed, disinterested, and took a sip of his tea.

“So?”

Bucky felt inner amusement at Peter’s insistence.

“Oh, we’re still on that? No.” 

“What? Why?”

“I thought I already made that clear, _kid_.”

Peter grumbled unhappily, and for good measure kicked out his foot from underneath him to strike Bucky’s leg. The abrupt kick caused his hands to jostle his mug of tea and spill drops of it onto his jeans. It was warm, so thankful it didn’t scald him, or Peter would be begging for mercy right now. The alpha growled. His inner alpha growled wishing to be released to give the rebellious omega a lesson on appropriate behaviors. 

Peter growled right back at Bucky, unafraid, and something about the young cub being unafraid of him soothed a part the wolf. Everyone feared him but for one other person, Steve, so Peter was truly a rarity - a wonder. He was asolutely delightful as a friend and Bucky was thankful to have found him. He needed someone like this, someone who he didn’t have to worry about scaring off, someone to talk to and feel comfortable around.

Sighing heavily, knowing Peter was stubborn - just as stubborn as his estranged mate - Bucky felt that he wouldn’t be able to say no. Peter really wanted to go out.

“I’ll think about it.” Bucky surrendered, knowing that it would most certainly turn into an agreement if Peter kept up on his insistence. 

Bucky laid his metal hand on his leg and soothingly rubbed at his aching thigh, sending Peter a burning glare. 

“If you hit me like that again, I’ll hit you back, _harder_ ”

Peter laughed uproariously and gave a mocking nod followed by a wink, as if he didn’t believe Bucky’s threat. _Fucking little shit, knew him too well_. Bucky liked him too much. His wolf was instinctually tied to him by this partnering therapy, and protective of him, so he’d never hit the omega. It just wasn’t in his nature as an alpha. Although there had been alphas that did such in his time, Bucky had never been one of them. Hell, Steve had given him a few kicks in the shin and punches in the arms when he’d pissed him off, but Bucky never sought ‘payback’ then either. His father raised him to be a respectful alpha, to care for his omega. Bucky cared so much for Steve that he was suffering deeply to give his mate the happiness he deserved. All of a sudden Bucky felt the heavy weight in his chest grow greater as his mind wandered. 

“Hey.” Peter kindly called, drawing Bucky from his conflicting thoughts. 

“Hmm?” Bucky noised with question, not sure he could talk without his voice betraying him, and met those kind brown eyes with a forced smile.

“Get out of your head and pay attention to me. I’m a exceptional omega that deserves all of your attention.” Peter said with a upturned nose and a look of utter ass-ness.

Bucky false smile turned genuine, his heart clenching momentarily at the realization Peter knew he’d lost himself to thoughts of Steve, and was trying to cheer him up.

“You cocky little shit, watch that mouth of yours or I’ll bite you.”

“ _Ooh_ , kinky! I always knew you were.” Peter simpered and blew Bucky a kiss for good measure. 

Bucky rolled his eyes and sighed. Peter was a little shit that he loved, but he could also truly annoy him.

. . . 

Bucky had just finished with his scent therapy homework and placed Steve’s shirt in its ziplock bag and Peter’s scarf in another when he detected Steve’s scent. It was stronger than that of Steve’s gym shirt, and it was growing stronger by the minute. Using his enhanced hearing, Bucky heard the approaching heavy steps of boots and realized Steve was coming to his quarters from the common area of his floor.

Frantically, Bucky gathered the ziplocked bags of clothing and looked around himself, attempting to find a good enough hiding spot for them. Steve was seconds away from coming into his living area, which he stood in the center of. 

“Bucky?” Steve called out, and Bucky rushed for the open kitchen, opened the kitchen garbage can, and tossed the bags inside. He’d managed to slam the top onto the can in time and turned to face the entry way that led to the common area, meeting Steve’s gaze. 

“Hey.” Bucky smiled warily, shakily moving away from the garbage, finding his confidence steadily growing when Steve smiled up at him, unaware of what the alpha had been doing seconds before. 

“I’m sorry I can’t stay, I’m heading out to have lunch with Sam and Natasha, but I just wanted to give this to you before I go.” Steve said shyly as he moved his arm that had been tucked at his back to reveal he held a pale blue gift bag with silver and white tissue paper sticking out at the top. 

Bucky stared up at it in surprise. He knew it was the holiday season, but he hadn’t thought Steve would buy him a gift. Even if he had, why would he give it to him now when it wasn’t even Christmas, not even close?

Bucky slowly raised his metal hand and took it from the bashfully smiling Steve.

“Thank you.” Bucky lowered it to his side, but then Steve continued to stare at him, then the bag waiting for... something. Bucky looked down at the bag in contemplation.

“Do you... want me to open it now? It’s not even Christmas yet.” 

“I know that, but I... Well... It’s an early present. You’ll understand when you open it.”

Bucky could only trust Steve and lifted the bag back up, pulling away the tissue paper to reveal the contents within. He stared at it for a moment, unsure what he was looking at exactly. All he saw was a silver stand of some kind, but then he opened the bag further and grabbed a hold of it to remove it from the bag. 

Bucky stared at it with disbelief. The engravings around the silver metal were so familiar, and within the fog of his memory it took him more than a few seconds to workout the meaning of the engraving as they formed words in another language, Hebrew. His family name was etched out at the bottom of the stand, and distant memories all at once came to the forefront of his mind. All of them were with the people he’d loved and treasured - his grandparents, parents, his little sister, and later... Steve and him together, alone, but feeling that having each other was enough. 

Bucky felt his sight cloud and only realized he was crying when he found himself asking the number one question running through his mind, his voice choked on a sob.

“ _How_?” Bucky’s stunned eyes raised away from his family’s menorah to stare with amazement at the omega before him.

“After my supposed death, our apartment things were confiscated by the government and put into storage. To make a memorabilia of us, I guess. I went through our things to find it because I didn’t want you to go this Hanukkah without having it.” Steve answered happily, eyes speaking of the immense love he held for him. 

“ _Steve_.” Bucky sobbed thickly, and hastily wiped away the tears that wouldn’t stop flowing. 

Steve knew how important this menorah was to him. It had been his great grandmother’s and it meant so much to his family - it was what she’d brought with her when she’d come to America. Bucky might not be the most religious of his family, but he valued tradition and his family. This tied him to his heritage and loved ones. 

Bucky needed Steve. Damn his scent, Bucky needed Steve. Before Bucky realized what he was doing, he’d reached out to Steve with his metal hand and brought the omega right against his chest in a tight embrace. 

The scent of rosewood and pine accosted him, and Bucky groaned in pain and sorrow as the scent of pine marked his skin where he’d pressed his face against Steve’s neck. The menorah clenched tightly in his flesh hand, Bucky pressed his metal hand firmly against Steve’s back and pressed him resolutely against himself. His tears came swiftly then, the thoughtfulness of Steve’s gift and the sorrow of scenting pine destroyed him, but he couldn’t let go, and the tears fell and dampened the omega’s neck.

Bucky forced himself to breathe from his nose, trying to calm the inner wolf that growled in pained frustration as his body was marked by pine. He’d shower after, but he needed this. 

He needed... 

He just... 

_Steve_...

“ _Steve_.” Bucky wept, biting deeply into his bottom lip to hold back the growl of his alpha, and tasted blood.

Steve stood still in his grasp, stiff, unsure what was happening and in complete disbelief. It felt unreal. He hadn’t believed this would ever be a possibility - Bucky embracing him, holding him tightly against his warm body that smelled of lemongrass and citrus. Feeling welcomed in his mate’s arms, almost as if he were loved, he waited for Bucky to shove him away, to leave him. When several long moments passed and Bucky only held to him tighter, Steve broke.

“ _Bucky_.” Steve whimpered, his own eyes watering, as this was what he’d wanted for so long - for Bucky to embrace him with warmth. Steve’s arms wound themselves around his alpha’s waist and tugged him just as tightly to himself as Bucky held him to his own body. “God, Buck. I love you.”

Bucky’s wet eyes snapped open at the omega’s confession.

 _What?_

Steve... Oh God, no. Bucky couldn’t have Steve misunderstanding this. 

Bucky’s metal hand slid down Steve’s back and gripped lightly to the omega’s hip, using it to press against him, pushing the larger man’s body away from his own. Steve’s arms tightened momentarily as if to fight the drawing away touch, but knew better than that and released Bucky of his hold.

Steve’s hands lowered to his sides and he sorrowfully watched as Bucky released his hip and took two steps back and away. Forcing a smile as if he didn’t realize what his withdraw of affection was doing to Steve, Bucky held the menorah in both of his hands. 

“Thank you, Steve.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Buck.” Steve brushed off the civility that had become their marriage, and stared at Bucky as if he wished to see that need for some kind of intimacy again. 

Bucky walked away from the alpha and set the menorah down on the nearby kitchen island. He wrapped his arms around his middle, feeling uncomfortable in his own skin. His body itched with the need scratch, to clean. He knew, even when breathing through his mouth, that pine had tainted his skin and he wanted it _off_. 

Uncontrollably his body shook, his fingers twitching, his breathing unsteady, but Steve was still in front of him and he couldn’t give into that need with the omega watching him.

“Thank you, Steve. Well, I shouldn’t hold you any longer. You go and enjoy that lunch, okay?” Bucky pressed, voice off. 

Steve smiled, but it looked more like a pained grimace than anything else.

“Right. I... Okay...”

Bucky felt torn watching Steve take unsure steps away from him, before the larger man spun away from him and quickly left his quarters. Shutting his eyes and inhaling a deep breath, Bucky tried telling himself this was for the best. His heart strongly disagreed.

. . . 

After Bucky received the menorah from Steve he’d decided that even if he didn’t feel mentally right, nor stable, his religion and traditions should stay resolutely strong. Hanukkah began two days after he’d received his family’s menorah, and so Bucky would celebrate.

He had two days for preparation and so to begin the process, he’d gone shopping. He wasn’t the best cook in his family, but he wanted to make it feel like a true Hanukkah, so he bought the necessary ingredients to make specific holiday foods.

Bucky spent the first official day of Hanukkah preparing food and deserts, recipes he’d learned the recipes from his grandmother and mother. They’d always made plenty for the whole family and so, even though Bucky would be alone, he only knew how to prepare the dishes for a family size. It was all so much food that Bucky was saddened to realize that most of it would have to be thrown out. 

It was later that evening, when Bucky had finished setting up the table decked out in his family’s most treasured recipes, that he scented rosewood. Bucky turned away from the table and towards the entryway to find Steve standing there with a shy smile. 

“Hey.” Steve said softly, a hand rising to palm the back of his neck and rubbing at it as if to relieve the nerves he was clearly experiencing. 

Steve looked dashing in the warm lights of the living room. The omega wore simple black dress shoes, dark blue jeans, and the gray sweater Bucky had picked out for him. In the omega’s free hand, Bucky noticed he held a small bouquet of white and pink lilies, tucked not-so-hidden at his side. 

Bucky remembered all the Hanukkahs they’d spent together. At the beginning of each Hanukkah, Steve came home with a bouquet of flowers, a kiss of greeting, and they’d start the holiday together. 

Bucky realized that even though he’d ended their relationship, Steve was here to celebrate the holidays with him. Bucky had no one, or rather... Bucky _thought_ he had no one to spend Hanukkah with, but he’d been wrong. 

He’d broken Steve’s heart with his rejection, but he’d also told Steve they could be friends. If friends was all Bucky would accept, then Steve would be here to spend the holiday with Bucky as his friend. No matter what, Bucky was never going to be alone if Steve was here. 

The alpha wouldn’t let Steve feel awkward or unsure of himself for coming to spend Hanukkah with him. After all, there was more than enough food, and Steve already filled Bucky’s heart completely whether he knew it or not. 

Moving quickly to stand before Steve, Bucky offered him a genuine smile. 

“Steve.” Bucky simply said, but the way he said it was full of such feeling that Steve’s eyes softened, and Bucky saw the glint of love there. 

“Hanukkah Sameach.” Steve wished him a happy Hanukkah and Bucky laughed, because Steve’s thick American accent was so clear when speaking Hebrew. 

“Chag Sameach.” Bucky answered back, raising out his left hand to receive the flowers from out of Steve’s hand.

Steve gave the flowers up, his eyes brightening when Bucky inhaled their sweet scent. This was the best Christmas/Hanukkah for Steve since he’d woken up from the ice, because it was the first holiday he’d be able to spend with his mate. 

Bucky wandered away and to the kitchen, hoping he could find a vase, or something that could do for the bouquet of flowers. Steve followed after him a moment later and helped him in his search.

. . . 

Hanukkah had been the best eight days for Bucky, because Steve had come and spent every evening of them with him. They’d feasted on his family’s signature dishes and talked about everything (but for their relationship or lack of it) and it had been nice. Bucky forgot how he and Steve could spend so many nights talking about life and not feel tired. It reminded him of their youth, and it was nostalgic and felt like just what he needed.

Bucky had kept a physical distance between them, but he hadn’t let their interactions go without some scent therapy homework exercises being worked on. Whenever Steve wasn’t paying attention, usually after they’d finished dinner and were seated on the couch watching tv, or standing outside on the balcony, leaning on the railing and staring at the stars while listening to classic 1930’s and 1940’s soft jazz, Bucky scented the omega. 

Bucky’s endurance for Steve’s scent was getting so strong that if he focused just on the rosewood, Bucky could scent Steve for hours. It was when his thoughts began to wander to more paining thoughts about Steve and Stark’s relationship that scenting became painful and near impossible. 

As Bucky scented Steve and stared at him, he was filled with an almost debilitating need to be closer, only for pine to remind him that Steve wasn’t just his, and that maybe Steve didn’t want just Bucky anymore.

Steve had said he loved him and wanted to be with him, but it didn’t mean that before he’d learned Bucky was alive he hadn’t wanted Stark too. What if Bucky hadn’t come back into Steve’s life when he had? Would Steve have chosen to be with Stark?

When the terribly painful thoughts of Steve wanting Stark had started Bucky had tried to ignore it, but that hadn’t been a successful battle. Then there had been that comment of Peter’s the first time they’d spoken to each other on the phone, something about the tabloids in regards to Steve and Stark. 

Bucky hadn’t thought much of it at the time. He was concerned about more important things than what was going around in the media, but after the paining thoughts had started a part of him wanted to know what it was Peter had been referring to. 

His new quarters came with a computer and laptop. Bucky hadn’t used them until that day when his curiosity had gotten the better of him and he began reading. So many new articles and magazine speculations had taken his attention. 

Anthony Stark had been in a relationship with Pepper Potts for many years, until they’d broken up for a time. That was when articles had surfaced, speculating a relationship between Steve Rogers and Anthony Stark. None were ever proven, then there were reports of Stark and Potts reconciling. 

After, rumors began of Stark and Potts having an open relationship so that Anthony could be with Steve. Then there were photographs that followed those articles, so many of them of Anthony and Steve entering, and then exiting hotels _days_ later.

 _Heats_.

Bucky hated it, and felt tears prick at his eyes when he looked at the noticeable difference of his - _No, not his..._ the omega’s appearance. Steve no longer looked cleaned up and confident - the after photographs of those hotel visits always showed a physically weary Steve. His hair was never as perfectly quaffed as it was when he’d enter those hotels, his skin was more flushed. His eyes...

His eyes showed the noticeable shame as they stared down at the ground, avoiding looking up at anyone. Anthony was always beside him, an arm wrapped around his waist and leading him into their waiting car.

Bucky hadn’t thought it could get any worse than that, but it did. Only two months before the day that he and Steve met again after decades of being apart, articles surfaced about Anthony, Pepper, and Steve being in a polygamous relationship. Then suspicions began about the three entering into a marriage. 

Bucky had stopped reading the articles after that. He’d been sick to his stomach and had remained hidden from everyone for days after. Then Steve had found him and asked him out to go Christmas shopping and Bucky had been helpless to refuse. 

Bucky wasn’t sure what Steve wanted before his return, and that was what truly hurt. Bucky would never cheat on Steve. If his omega passed before him it would not change a thing, he’d never want anyone else. Steve had, and that was what killed him.

It made Bucky wonder if Steve loved him less than he loved Steve. Maybe he did? _Of course he did!_ How could he not? He’d demonstrated it time and time again. Each heat he’d spent with that alpha was another slice to Bucky’s heart, another affirmation that he wasn’t good enough. 

Maybe he’d never been good enough? 

If that was true, why was it so hard for Bucky to accept and let bygones be bygones? Their relationship was done. _Over._ Yet, Bucky was still trying. Trying for what, to be second best?

Bucky felt lost in the confusion of thoughts swarming his mind as he stood in one of New York’s five star hotel’s grand halls, where the city was hosting a Avengers Christmas and appreciation ceremony.

Steve had asked Bucky to join him, and yet again Bucky hadn’t been able to refuse his estranged mate. It didn’t matter that half the attendants feared him or misunderstood him as a villain of a criminal, because Steve wanted him to come, so he had. 

Maybe it was more difficult to refuse Steve because it was Christmas and they’d always spent the holidays together in the past, and Steve had just spent eight days of Hanukkah with him. So Bucky came, dressed in a fancy suit Steve had picked out for him. The twin of his suit looked so much better on Steve as he stood on stage with the rest of the Avengers, accepting an award and giving a motivational and inspiring speech.

Bucky stood in the back of the large hall of New York’s richest and most well known citizens, drinking from his fourth glass of wine and wishing that they carried something stronger. Maybe he should have taken a swig of Thor’s homemade mead... He had said it was strong, and maybe because he was a god it would be strong enough to counteract the super serum that coursed through his veins. 

There was always later, Bucky smugly thought to himself, as he watched the audience applaud and cheer for the Avengers as Steve had finished his speech. They were all making their way down from the stage, and groups of people dressed to the nines came to their sides congratulating them, complementing them, and even a few were shamelessly flirting with them. 

His jaw tensed when he noticed an omega female with long beautiful blond hair lay a hand on Steve’s arm. A moment later, a stunning omega male pressed a hand to Steve’s bicep. The two gorgeous omegas stopped Steve in his progression through the crowd and to Bucky. Steve had told him to wait there for him and he was, but he didn’t much want to wait anymore if it meant seeing these omegas shamelessly flirt and touch Steve.

It didn’t matter to this generation whether Steve was married and mated or not (and he most assuredly was). It wouldn’t stop the most daring from trying to grab the Captain’s attention. 

The glass in his hand gave a sharp screeching as his fist tightened its hold, and a second after the glass burst and pieces scattered to the floor. The remains of the wine now smeared and dribbled from his twitching metal hand. More than a dozen pairs of eyes of citizens standing within hearing range turned their attention to him in that moment and Bucky didn’t care. His eyes were purely focused on the salacious tarts of omegas pawing at Steve. 

Steve and the group of harlots hadn’t been in hearing distance of him, and so they didn’t notice the deadly glare focused on them. Bucky’s jaw clenched tightly and his metal fist twitched, needing to feel its grip tighten on one of the many harlots neck that were fawning over something that wasn’t theirs. 

“Possessive much?” Came a voice to his left, and Bucky didn’t have to turn to know the owner of that voice. He’d smelled him approaching, and jasmine was something so ingrained with his wolf that no matter where Peter had wandered off in the hall, Bucky could pinpoint his location. 

Peter moved to enter his line of vision, blocking the sight of Steve kindly removing the handy omegas from touching him. Bucky’s eyes caught warm brown, and continued to stare at them as the omega before him took a napkin he’d retrieved from who knew where to clean Bucky’s metal fist.

“I’m not.” Bucky griped, but he knew it was futile to lie. He’d never been good at hiding his possessiveness for his mate in the past either. 

Peter let out a melodious trill of a laugh and shot Bucky a look that said that the alpha was talking utter shit. 

Bucky shut his eyes and inhaled Peter’s scent as the omega continued wiping at his metal hand. The scent of jasmine was so calming a scent, it quickly relaxed him, all his tension slipping away the longer he scented the young omega. The smartest thing Bucky had done was inviting Peter here. Steve hadn’t said no to Bucky’s request, but he’d known the omega hadn’t been all that pleased. He’d almost regretted it, but now he was thankful he hadn’t backed out of it, he needed Peter here. The large crowd of people, and being around the Avengers, as well as Steve, for the whole evening had felt more than daunting. 

“God, you have it bad.”

“Shut up.” Bucky’s eyes snapped open when the scent of rosewood strengthened and he knew that Steve was approaching. Peter seemed to scent it too and effortlessly tossed the napkin to land on a server’s tray, already full of finished glasses of champagne and wine. Moving to stand beside Bucky’s right, Peter flashed Bucky a shit-eating grin as Steve finally made his way to them. 

“Captain Rogers.” Peter gushed when Steve stood directly across from Bucky.

Steve’s smiled warily at the young kid. He didn’t quite understand how Bucky had come to befriend the kid, and was equally unsure how to take in that the kid was a fan of his. 

“Uh- You can call me Steve.” The omega said, though a part of him, his wolf, wasn’t pleased with the idea of being familiar with the other omega. Peter might be Bucky’s friend, but his wolf didn’t like how much Peter smelled of Bucky. His wolf hated that Bucky favored the runt and scented him as pack. Clint and Peter were treasured by his alpha and he hadn’t yet been given that right though he was Bucky’s mate. 

Bucky sighed heavily at Peter’s flighty giggles at the very idea that he was now allowed to call Steve by his name.

“ _Steve_.” Peter giggled again, face flushed hotly, his eyes bashfully lowering to the ground. 

Steve altered his gaze from Bucky, then to Peter before taking another step towards the alpha, the need to be closer to his mate strong. That was when his shoes crunched against something and his eyes lowered to the ground to find a mess of broken glass and wine. 

“What-“

“Oh, that. I bumped into Bucky just now and caused him to drop it. Actually, I should go and find somebody to clean it.” Peter saved Bucky from the embarrassment of his actions, and, before Steve could call after the omega, he had already left them in his search. 

_Right._ Steve and Bucky were alone again. Bucky wasn’t much of a talker since they’d reunited, but Steve was. Steve could talk for them, but Bucky just didn’t feel at ease in such a large crowd of people when the majority of them were watching them and a few whispering about them. 

“I’m sorry, Bucky.” Steve sighed softly, realizing maybe he shouldn’t have asked Bucky to join him. The alpha could hardly meet his gaze for longer than a few seconds and was now currently looking at his chest.

The apology caught Bucky by surprise, and the alpha raised his gaze to meet soft blue eyes staring at him with remorse. 

“What? Why are you sorry?”

“You don’t look like you are enjoying yourself. I just... We’ve always spent Hanukkah and Christmas together, and since I was obligated to come to this event I thought... I thought we could celebrate Christmas here.” 

Bucky watched as Steve was the first to break their eye contact and lowered his gaze to stare at his own hands fiddling and wringing at the other- another nervous twitch of the omega’s he hadn’t seen since before they’d confessed to having feelings for each other. It reminded him so much of the slender and small omega mate of his past - his beautiful and yet insecure mate who’d been so beaten down by the world and their expectations. Then Steve had the super serum and had been given the respect he’d always wanted from others.

Something gave and Bucky’s chest felt a pull within to comfort and bring back the confident omega he knew was there. Damn himself- Bucky was destroying Steve’s confidence more and more with his rejections. His wolf wanted nothing to do with him and now his own insecurities were making Steve feel all the more helpless. 

Now that the speeches were finished, the orchestra that had been playing earlier had made their way back on stage, and began playing a happy and light piece. Bucky watched as couples around them moved to the dance floor and began to sway with the music. Bucky wasn’t the best dancer, but Steve surprisingly was. His mother had taught him, and Steve had tried to teach Bucky before their wedding. They’d danced to a lot more contemporary pieces at the time, but they had done some ballroom dancing to please their parents.

“Steve.” Bucky raised his metal hand to press cool knuckles under the omega’s chin and lift his head up until their eyes met.

Steve stared at Bucky in surprise, and his own flesh hand quickly moved to wrap warmly around his metal wrist. The omega’s eyes glistened in the light of the room, and Bucky was unsure if it was due to his touch or just a trick of his own eyes. Then Steve closed his eyes and slid his hand slightly in Bucky’s metal one, opening his palm enough so that he could manipulate it into cupping his cheek and pressed his face against it with need, relishing the contact. 

Bucky bit his bottom lip - a part of him wanted to remove his hand, but he didn’t want to risk upsetting Steve more. He would suffer in pursuing Steve’s happiness, but needed to give, _actually_ give something to Steve without fearfully withdrawing as he’d done with that horrid hug of theirs.

“Steve, would you like to dance... with me?” Bucky added the last bit, so that he could make it clear to Steve he wasn’t trying to get rid of him.

Steve’s eyes flashed open and then the disbelief and pain of Bucky’s words hit the omega, and Bucky felt sick to his stomach as he took noticed that Steve’s eyes looked slightly red. The omega was near tears and Bucky couldn’t deny that fact now - he was a terrible alpha to have caused Steve so much pain that now he could scarcely believe the alpha’s words. 

“Yes.” Steve croaked, voice rougher than he’d heard it since they’d reunited.

Bucky flashed Steve a weak smile and hesitantly removed his metal hand from his face. Steve released him of his hold without thought, and Bucky was grateful that Steve was trusting him in that he wasn’t going to run away. Instead of keeping himself from Steve’s touch, Bucky had removed his metal hand from Steve’s face to grab a hold of his hand, holding it kindly in his own. His flesh hand moved to grasp Steve’s other sleeved wrist, and he pulled the omega with him to the dance floor.

Most couples were wrapped close to one anther and swayed to the softly swelling music, but that was a position Bucky could not do with his repulsion of Steve’s scent. He’d make this work for them. Steve was smart enough not to reach out for him once they stood on the dance floor - he merely stood, patiently waiting Bucky’s decision on how they would dance. 

Bucky released Steve’s hand to wrap his left arm loosely around the omega’s slender waist under the dress jacket. His metal hand pressed flat against Steve’s back, and he could feel the warmth of Steve’s skin beyond the thin fabric of his white dress shirt. 

Steve’s eyes fluttered closed at the contact, his lips parted and releasing a trembling breath, before his warm eyes opened and stared with such love at Bucky. Shyly, Bucky stared at Steve’s left hand, and, wrapping his flesh hand around the omega’s sleeved wrist, he moved Steve’s hand to wrap around his own waist, only Steve’s hand was resting against Bucky’s dress coat and over his lower back. 

“Place your right hand on my left shoulder.” Bucky instructed Steve as he rested his flesh hand on Steve’s left shoulder. Without a word, Steve mimicked Bucky’s action and kept Bucky’s gaze as they wordlessly began moving with the music.

Bucky said nothing, only focused on Steve and breathing from his mouth. Bucky knew that he couldn’t breathe from his nose all that long now that they were touching. Steve was touching his jacket and Bucky was touching Steve’s own. The scent would be strongest on his left shoulder and on his left hand. He could easily wash his hands after their dance, but his dress coat would carry traces of Steve scent throughout the night. It wouldn’t be strong enough to cause a physical reaction like the one when he’d hugged Steve, but it wouldn’t be a pleasant thought to know pine was also marking his coat.

All of that didn’t matter right now. All that was important was that Steve’s eyes were alight like never before, and his lips curved upward in a soft smile that was steadily growing and brightening until Steve’s face lit beautifully. Steve was always the most beautiful when he smiled, and right now Steve looked like he’d looked before the war - carefree, content, and utterly happy.

“You’re beautiful.” Bucky sighed, and a second later realized in horror he’d said it out loud.

Steve’s eyes gleamed wetly and a joyous laugh of surprise erupted from out of him.

“You were always a sweet talker.” Steve said shakily, emotions clogging up his throat.

Bucky laughed edgily, acting as if he hadn’t just let that slip unthinkingly, trying to play the flirt he could be. Hopefully Steve would think he was just being a tease.

“Well, you know me. I’m an omegas alpha.” 

Steve frowned playfully, but there was something in his eyes that said he didn’t much like it. Bucky could remember so many times Steve had thrown fits when they’d gone out and omegas flirted with him. They hadn’t been together at the time and Bucky had flirted playfully with the omegas, only Steve would then tell him he wanted to leave, even if they’d only been out for less than a hour. Bucky would try to convince Steve that they should stay and have fun, but Steve would punch Bucky in the arm, or kick him in his shin before storming off. Bucky would then leave their group of friends and flirty omegas to go after him. 

“Don’t I know it.” Steve didn’t sound too pleased by it. 

Bucky pursed his lips cockily so.

“Oh... Is someone jealous?”

“Who’s jealous?” Steve protested to the idea and scoffed dimly, but then Bucky leaned in closer, tilting his head to the side and surveying him.

“Ah, yes. That’s it. That’s the face of jealously you can find in the dictionary.”

“To hell with you, Buck.” Steve huffed, yet he didn’t remove himself from out of Bucky’s hold, nor did he release him. They continued to dance, and Bucky smiled sincerely at Steve and his pouting.

“What about me? Aren’t I beautiful?” Bucky batted his eyelashes sweetly and Steve rolled his eyes.

“I’m not going to stroke your ego, you have enough confidence as it is.”

Bucky laughed at the comment, because Steve was so wrong. He’d lost all his confidence when he learned about Stark. He had so many insecurities now. The music strummed melodically, building in intensity. Then it faded away with long held notes. When the song finished, Bucky didn’t release Steve. The moment Steve realized the song was over he looked at Bucky with disappointment and his grasp on him loosened. 

“Another dance?” Bucky inquired, and Steve paused, staring in shock. He’d already resigned himself to this one song, and sadly it hadn’t lasted long enough for him. Bucky wanted to dance again. Something in Steve flared with hope at the realization that it wasn’t over - he had the chance to be in Bucky’s arms for just a little while longer.

“Okay.” Steve agreed, eyes bright. 

Bucky forced himself to forget about scent therapy, about why he was having to go through it, and just took in the beauty of his mate. If Bucky tried hard enough he could convince himself that they’d been reunited after being apart for so long, and were still so in love. He knew Steve loved him, but now that love had been tainted with doubt. That didn’t matter as Bucky gazed at Steve with so much feeling that he knew Steve was stunned by it, at least if his parted lips of awe were anything to go by. He’d been hiding himself in his mind and anger, but in this moment Bucky let down his guard and treated Steve in the way he’d wanted to for so long. He knew if they were in their wolf forms he might even allow Steve close enough to scent him without touching. 

There was no need to talk. The music was so heartening that it warmed Bucky from the inside. So light and calming that Bucky relaxed even being this close to Steve. On the third song, Bucky ignored his mind that protested to the idea and followed it with action, taking a half step closer to the omega and removing the distance between them. 

Steve let out a sharp inhale of breath, eyes widening with surprise as their chests met and their faces were inches apart. They were so close now they looked like the couple Bucky sadly knew they weren’t. Not anymore, but it didn’t stop Bucky from taking that closeness that had once been second nature to them. The warmth of Steve’s body against his own made his inner wolf whimper pitifully and with need - the alpha wished it could be more, though knowing it was near impossible.

Bucky knew the scent of pine caused him revulsion, but he could see the scent therapy was working. He no longer gagged with disgust when reaching his limit of scenting pine. Now, when Bucky reached his limit for the scent he felt sick to his stomach and his wolf twitched needing to be released. If Bucky was to believe what Dr. Hueghs said, he might be able to work through the most physical responses to the scent. Bucky hoped it was true - if he could work through his major detest for the scent of pine, he might be able to be with Steve. He’d still have to have some distance and might not be able to touch Steve for long periods of time, but it could be a starting point, enough so where they could begin a tentative relationship. Slow at first, but steadily building back to what they’d been before being torn from each other’s lives. 

“Steve...” Bucky whispered shakily, lowering his eyes to stare at the man’s broad chest. 

“Yeah, Buck?” Steve voice was rasped on emotion, and Bucky didn’t think he had it in him to figure out just what it was. 

“I... I’m going to try something, just... Please stay as you are.” Bucky murmured hesitantly.

“Okay.” The nervousness in Steve’s voice was impossible to miss. 

Shutting his eyes, Bucky pulled the omega flush against his body, their two bodies moving as one to the music. The sharply toned body of Steve’s pressed so tightly to Bucky’s own he could feel the sculpted muscles of the omega and the shudder of his irregular exhaling. Blindly, Bucky lowered his head on Steve’s broad shoulder, the tip of his nose pressed against the heated flesh of his mate’s neck and his lips brushed against the omega’s Adam’s apple.

“Bucky.” Steve husked and Bucky’s inner wolf whinnied at that dark rasping tone.

“Please. I... Please, let this be okay?” Bucky needed this. He needed to be close to his mate- _God damn it_. Bucky knew that Steve wasn’t really his anymore, but that didn’t mean his wolf didn’t consider Steve his.

“It’s okay. It’s more than okay.” Steve reassured, his arm around Bucky tightening briefly before loosening its hold once again. 

Bucky hated how he was blowing hot and cold. He knew he was confusing Steve, but he needed this. Steve could think it was Bucky seeking comfort from a friend for all he cared, he just needed some care from Steve. 

They danced close in the same position for four more songs, and were in the beginning of their fifth when Bucky’s nose fondly rubbed against the tendon of Steve’s neck. It was a submissive act, but Bucky didn’t care - he might be an alpha, but he could be submissive for Steve. Sometimes Steve needed tender and submissive when he was feeling small and devalued in society for his unusually small form for even an omega. 

Steve swallowed loudly, or maybe it was because Bucky was so close to the omega that he’d heard it so clearly. Bucky felt safe and protected in Steve’s arms, he felt like they were gliding on the dance floor. He didn’t care to hear the whispers of the others around them, but he still caught bits and pieces of their conversations. Their names on those people’s lips displeased the wolf inside, but right now it didn’t matter that they thought Steve could do better, or that Bucky was using Steve for a pardon. Whatever other hateful sentiments they said about them, he felt safe in Steve’s arms.

The fifth song came to an end and someone called out to the omega. Steve’s arm around his waist tightened even when his hand on his shoulder slid down his sleeve and away to rest at his side. Steve brought Bucky close to press against his side and turned to address the one to call him. Bucky released Steve’s shoulder, but his left remained across Steve’s waist.

Bucky was so distracted with Steve’s presence and his closeness that he’d been momentarily caught with looking at the omega rather than at the one who disturbed them. Only to then notice Steve’s face growing paler by the second and the look of fear in his eyes, before Steve was looking away from whoever and staring at Bucky with that fear. Steve’s arm around his waist tightened painfully so in the next second, and Bucky raised his eyes to regard the one to have interrupted them, confused.

There... Standing before him was Anthony Stark and in the man’s arm was the woman Bucky immediately recognized as Pepper Potts. Anthony smiled up at Steve, but then his brows furrowed in confusion and his smile shifted to a frown when he took noticed of the fear in Steve’s eyes. 

Then those brown eyes shifted toward the person Steve held tightly to his side. Bucky felt a many conflicting emotions within, and as he gave into his instincts and inhaled through his nose the scent of pine sent his wolf immediately to the forefront. Rage was building steadily, so quickly that Bucky realized there would be no stopping his wolf from coming out if he didn’t do something quickly.

Those brown eyes regarded him with far less hate than what Bucky expected, considering the fact he’d murdered the man’s parents. That didn’t mean Anthony was anymore pleased with realizing that Bucky was standing before him. Anthony’s features were tensed up, his eyes staring at Bucky with a conflicting amount of emotions, the most prominent being that of displeasure. The woman in Anthony’s arms looked between Steve and Bucky with confusion, then to the man holding her with worry.

Bucky felt Steve’s body begin to tremble against him, the omega’s eyes on him again, and the vibrating whine of fear and need hardly reached Bucky’s ears. How could he hear Steve when the wolf within was growling and snarling rabidly. The scent of pine was so strong now that it filled Bucky’s nose so intensely that his skin felt tight. His hand around Steve slid away and balled into a trembling fist, the metal screeching loudly as he grated the tips of his fingers against the metal of his palm. His flesh hand nails lengthened, claws lengthening as the wolf within demanded he shift and kill the man before him.

“Bucky, _don’t_.” Steve pleaded shakily, his mouth inches from his ear. 

Angry pale blue eyes flashed at Steve in disbelief. The omega was pleading for him to back down, to not fight, and that struck his wolf by surprise. He was an alpha, it was ingrained within him to defend and take vengeance on those who hurt his pack, his mate. To seek retribution when slighted as he’d been by this alpha. But Steve didn’t want him to - he was protecting the other alpha and the wolf growled angrily at Steve. 

Steve flinched from the hateful growl meant for no one else but him. Bucky’s rational side screamed out for him to understand that Steve was doing this to protect not only Anthony, but the rest of civilians within the hall. If Bucky shifted now, he wouldn’t be able to control himself enough to make sure no one else got hurt. 

“ _You_.” Bucky was more than angry, he was outright furious as he shoved the omega away from himself with his clawed hand and stumbled several more steps away from him.

“ _Bucky!_ ” Steve immediately took a step to Bucky, his arms outstretched for him, needing to comfort and calm the alpha. Fear was so clear in his eyes for what Bucky might do.

“Steve.” Anthony warily said, his eyes shifting around the crowd, trying to find the rest of the Avengers who were somewhere within the swarm of civilians. He was already prepared to call his iron suit to him, and needed to make the rest of the Avengers aware of the situation.

Anthony met the gaze of Thor across the room, and when the unaware god met his gaze and sent him a friendly smile, Anthony raised his hand to signal the god to make his way over, his eyes directed back to Bucky’s vibrating form. Thor’s smile immediately disappeared and a serious frown took its place, and without pause he hurried his way to them. 

“You side with him? _You_.” Bucky’s sight fogged, his human side feeling so helpless, unwanted. His wolf was scratching at the surface to be released, but Bucky held it back, only he wasn’t sure for how much longer.

“What? _No!_ That isn’t it.” Steve insisted firmly, but Bucky hardly heard him when another growl slipped out of him.

Bucky needed to run. He needed to get the hell out of there. So far not many of the civilians had taken notice of what was happening, but already a handful, the closest to them had.

“Friend Steve, what is the matter?” Thor’s booming voice startled both Steve and Bucky as the man appeared at their side, standing in the gap between them. Then the god’s clear blue eyes turned to regard Bucky with caution. “Friend Bucky?”

Bucky snarled at the alpha god. He was not the oaf’s friend. 

Bucky felt his skin tighten as his bones began stretching- _Oh, God, he was going to shift._

Then there came the warm touch of a hand wrapping around the scruff of his neck and his fangs immediately descended. He’d been surprised by the touch and someone had come and taken a hold of his neck! An attack, his wolf thought angrily. Then that hand tightened its hold and forced his head to turn, and in so doing turning his body as well. 

Bucky met the flash of amber brown eyes, detected the scent of jasmine before his face was forcefully shoved against the scent gland of an omega. His pack. Peter.

Bucky’s eyes shut and his arms wrapped around Peter’ slender waist, drawing the omega close as he nuzzled the scent gland, permitting the most appealing scent of jasmine and everything sweet and lovely. His body pressed heavily against Peter - the weight of rejection was too much. His wolf withdrew and curled itself inward, wounded.

“Peter.” Bucky sighed softly, and felt the warm touch of Peter’s fingers soothingly rub at the scruff of his neck, then disappear in his hair, running through it as he shushed him softly.

“It’s okay. I’m here. I’m always here.” Peter comforted, and Bucky knew he meant it.


	11. Chapter 11

Bucky wanted many things. He wanted away from the voices and people, especially Steve. He wanted to prove to Stark he was well and truly Steve’s mate, but that wasn’t right. It wasn’t right on so many levels. The main reason being that he was no longer Steve’s alpha and Steve had chosen Stark. 

It took several moments for the tension to fully ebb from Bucky’s form and another few to right his mind enough so that the wolf remained deep within and he was fully in control of his actions. 

In all that time Bucky could feel the stare of dozens. Heard Steve’s pleas and momentarily felt his touch on his shoulder before he’d angrily jerked himself free of Steve’s touch. 

“Bucky?” Peter attempted to grab the alpha’s attention while he’d taken to nuzzling the slender omega’s scent glad. That was the core of Peter’s scent. The place that was purest. As only a few ever were allowed the right to scent another, more so when it was an omega. 

Peter’s scent was potent and clean of any others. Right now that was exactly what Bucky needed. He needed the calm of Peter’s scent. It was fresh, almost like the freshness of morning dew. The jasmine was filling, consuming. It enveloped him. Shielded him from all the other displeasing scents. He could no longer smell pine when his nose rubbed harshly against the omega’s exposed flesh. Marking his face in Peter’s scent and ridding any remains of rosewood and pine as he’d scented Steve’s neck earlier. 

“ _Bucky_.” Peter was more insistent this time. A slender hand that had kindly petted his hair moved down to grasp the scruff of his neck again. Bucky submissively allowed the omega to manipulate him. His head rising up and meeting Peter’s gaze by the omega’s will. 

“Bucky?” 

“Yeah.” Bucky answered huskily. Those warm brown eyes stared at him sympathetically, only to break from his and regard those who stood closest to them.

Steve was only two feet from them, his hands resting at his sides, knuckles white by how tightly he clenched them. A conflicting amount of emotions warred upon his face. The most clear being discontent.

Thor stood a step behind Steve and he looked first to Bucky (a alpha who sought comfort from a omega not his own), then to Steve in his derision and sympathized. He had his own set of problems with his own mate and felt much like Steve must feel now, out of his depths.

Anthony wrapped an arm protectively over Pepper’s waist. Where Anthony looked on cautiously, Pepper stared at the whole lot of the group, uncomprehending. 

Peter decided they needed to get out of there quickly. Bucky’s senses were haywire and the stress of this interaction would only further upset him. So Peter tightened his hold briefly on Bucky’s neck, met his awaiting stare and hummed soothingly, “Let’s go to my place.”

Bucky didn’t protest to the request and docilely nodded in acceptance of it. Bucky felt more like an alpha the moment Peter released his dominate hold on his neck and took hold of the alpha’s flesh hand. Peter didn’t spare the group a goodbye, he wanted to get Bucky away from the cause of his break. But there was the matter of Anthony Stark, staring directly at him now with a raised brow and a numerous amount of questions. Peter would deal with it later. Avoiding eye contact with Anthony, the small omega tugged on Bucky’s hand and hurriedly lead their way out of the hall and away from the stares. 

Steve took a step in their direction, not wanting to be parted from his mate, but was brought to a halt by a hand grabbing a hold on his arm, keeping him in place. Spinning to regard the one who held him back with a look of agitation, Steve met the somber stare of Thor.

“Give him his space.” Thor adviced and Steve had half a mind to shove that sage advice in the god’s face, because his alpha needed him, but then again that wasn’t true. Bucky wasn’t his alpha anymore.

Snapping his head back in the direction Peter had been leading Bucky, he caught a glimpse of the two disappearing around the corner of the entry doors of the hall. Bucky had rejected him. He’d thought him to have chosen Anthony’s side in this matter and that wasn’t the case. He’d merely wanted to calm Bucky down. They were in a packed hall of innocent civilians and if Bucky truly lost control of his wolf he might have shifted. There would have been no telling if Bucky would have hurt anyone else in his process of getting to the main cause of his upset, Anthony Stark. 

It was all his fault. He’d done this to Bucky. He’d been the one to hurt him with his actions, and it didn’t matter if he’d thought that Bucky was gone. He should have suffered those heats alone. The likelihood of him dying was low. If he had an omega to care for him during his heats, to be sure he wasn’t hurting himself, gave him enough fluids and food for the duration of it, he could survive them. It was the constant pain of having them so close together that had finally made Steve give in. Now, he wished he’d just endured the pain.

“I...” Steve trembled out, closing his eyes and clenching his jawline with the self-hate that ran through him. He’d ruined his own chance at happiness for giving in to his physical needs and now he wasn’t sure what to do.

“Steve.” Anthony said as he and Pepper neared him. “I’m sorry. I honestly didn’t know you’d invite him here. You’d said he doesn’t socialize with the rest of the Avengers. So I...”

No, Anthony shouldn’t be apologizing. Not to Steve. Not after how he’d kept the knowledge that Bucky murdered the man’s parents. Even after they’d formed a sort of peace between each other, Anthony was still trying to be the bigger man and apologizing to Steve for causing _Bucky’s_ upset. 

“No. I should have told you. I wasn’t thinking. Since you don’t participate as an Avenger member as much I thought...” Steve raised a hand to palm his eyes.

In that moment Clint, Natasha, and Sam moved through the throng of gossiping attendants surrounding the four and took in their dejected leader before them.

“Uh... Did we miss something?”

No one said anything, but from the exasperated sigh Anthony let out.

Clint pursed his lips. “I might be 80% deaf, but I can read a room and you all look like something went down.”

Sam frowned at Clint and nudged his arm with his elbow. Clint met his hostility with a glare.

“Shut up, Clint. Steve isn’t in the mood for your whining.” Sam snapped, before ignoring him completely and moving to place a kind hand on Steve’s wrist that shielded his eyes from view, possibly the tears that wanted to be expressed. “Come on buddy, let’s get out of here and talk.”

The rest of the team watched as another pair of men left the hall. 

“I’m not a whiner.” Clint grumbled and folded his arms over his chest with a huff of breath.

. . . 

Bucky, for the first time in a long time, let someone else take care of him. Peter led him and Bucky followed without thought. Taking nothing in of their surroundings. Blindly following the omega until they found themselves in Peter’s apartment, seated beside one another on a sofa.

Bucky wordlessly took the offered cup of tea Peter pressed into his flesh hand and mutely held it. Staring down at the steaming tea, he at last felt the weight against his chest and the sickening churning in his gut. He felt unwanted and morbidly wondered if Steve was as broken-hearted when he’d ended their relationship. Given how Steve defended Stark, it wasn’t even close. 

“ _Hey_.” Peter cooed comfortingly, the back of his knuckles stretched out and swiftly wiped away a lone tear that escaped the wetness of gleaming gray eyes. 

“He chose Stark.” Bucky whispered to himself more than to Peter.

“That’s not what it looked like to me.”

Bucky shot Peter a disbelieving glare.

“I tried to defend myself and Steve-“

“Stopped you because you were in a room full of innocent people, and I think you know that.”

“I didn’t want to hurt them... Just Stark.”

Peter’s lips pursed, looking as if he wished to say something, but was deliberating if he should. 

“I- I’m friends with Anthony Stark. He isn’t... I don’t think he and Steve... He loves his bond mate.”

Shutting his eyes and bowing his head, Bucky didn’t know what to believe, but he certainly couldn’t just take Peter’s word on it. It really didn’t matter if Stark was a good man or not. He’d taken his mate away from him. Either he’d used Steve illy or he cared about him. From the way he’d looked at Steve, Bucky couldn’t believe that Stark didn’t care, at least a little for Steve.

“It isn’t right. This is all so...”

“Fucked up? Yeah... I know.” Petter nodded his head in agreement, not needing to look at Bucky to know he agreed with his word usage. 

Bucky wasn’t all that thirsty, but because Peter made him the tea he decided it was only polite to drink it. Slowly he sipped his tea, facing forward in his seat. Peter leaned against the back of the sofa and bent a arm over it and rested his head against that hand as he watched him. 

Peter watched him in silence and felt his heart give a painful twinge for the man. Bucky had his whole world destroyed and he was struggling to make sense of it all. Time had gone on without him. His mind had been manipulated. When he’d finally been reunited with the one tie to who he once was, he’d had that also stripped from him. He was battling the world, Steve’s and Anthony’s past relationship, and his wolf. 

Peter wanted to do something, but there wasn’t much he could do. He was hardly right himself, but with Bucky he felt stronger. His aunt May didn’t much like Bucky- what with what the media said about him. But she’d always been a sympathizer for the underdogs. When the world learned of just what Hydra had done to Bucky and she’d met the man and seen that there was plenty of truth to it, she was more understanding.

Peter’s aunt May didn’t know what had happened to him when working as Spider-Man, but he’d told her he’d given up on it after he’d been attacked and thought it best he take some time to recover. She thought he’d been beaten so much so that he was wary of it. It had been all his aunt had been telling him since day one of discovering what he was doing, but knowing she couldn’t stop him when he’d been hell bent on being a superhero. 

Only, Peter had become a recluse. He hardly went outside of their apartment and didn’t like having any visitors. His aunt was worried and they’d spoken with Anthony Stark and he’d prescribed the therapist. Dr. Hughes and Bucky were the only people who knew just what occurred that day... Well that wasn’t all the way the truth. There had also been _him_. 

He wouldn’t call him a hero, but he wasn’t a villain either... Possibly a criminal... and he smelled like... _No!_ Peter didn’t want to think about _him_ , because he wasn’t his... He was mated to a beta female and Peter couldn’t fathom being in a triad status- _Stop!_

That wasn’t the point. His aunt could appreciate Bucky because when he’d told her that he was his therapy partner and he’d actually been improving and going out into society, she welcomed Bucky’s presence in her nephew’s life. Bucky could come and visit as much as he’d like, so long as if they happened to go into Peter’s room they left the door cracked open. She might be starting to warm up to Bucky, but she also was protective of Peter and it didn’t help that the two were so closely bonded. Hell, whenever they were together and near each other their scents would fill the room and meld together so nicely. 

The point of all this was that Bucky needed time to himself to right all the thoughts warring within his mind. Peter could provide him a place for that. 

“Stay here for the night.” Peter offered.

Bucky raised his eyes to regard the young omega, stunned. He hadn’t expected the offer and now that it was placed out there, it was up to Bucky to decided if he’d take it. A part of him wanted to be away from Steve, even if they didn’t share the same quarters anymore, being in the compound together didn’t settle any of his nerves. Then there was the truth that although he wasn’t locked up in a prison, he was on watch by the Avengers. Hell, Clint was somewhere outside watching the apartment complex. Bucky wasn’t sure what the protocols were with staying the night outside of the compound. 

Bucky had technically spent nights outside of the compound when shifting, but they were still on Avenger land and he was being monitored closely then. 

“I-“ Bucky was unsure if he was about to agree or not, but he didn’t have the chance to finish when his cell phone chimed.

Peter smiled and nodded his head in a wordless push to check his cell. Bucky did so quickly and came upon a text from Clint.

_Mint Goodness (Clint Barton)_

_I think we better head back to the compound now. Sam just texted and Steve’s been waiting for you there too long for his liking. I mean you could stay up there and hang out with that kid- Which is fucking weird. Just so you know. Yeah, so if you choose that option Sam and I can’t be responsible for Steve coming there and... doing I have no clue what._

_So... You coming down?_

Bucky scowled down at the lengthy text and the fact that his decision had been made for him. Steve wanted to see him and so... Bucky would be going to see him now, because Bucky also didn’t know what Steve would do if he came. He wasn’t sure if Steve was furious, worried, or what. 

Turning to regard Peter patiently waiting for him, he gave the caring omega a friendly smile.

“I shouldn’t. Steve is waiting to talk, so I need to head back now.” 

“Okay.” Peter gave a curt nod and teasing smile. “Guess the drama isn’t over just yet.”

“Oh, shut up.” Bucky shot back, setting his finished tea onto the table and standing along with Peter. 

“Ooh, did I hit a sore spot.” 

Bucky rolled his eyes and affectionately bumped his hip into Peter’s side throwing the runt off his balance momentarily before he’d righted himself with his Spider-Man like agility. 

“Little shit, can’t go down easily.” Bucky cursed playfully and received a hot glare and a stuck out tongue as he exited the door of the apartment and Peter held the door.

“Better luck next time, grandpa.” 

Bucky laughed abruptly and felt just a little better. Peter knew just how to cheer him up. 

“Alright, _kid_. It’s your bed time, make sure you brush your teeth before going to sleep.”

“Screw you.” Peter laughed at Bucky who waved at him, walking backwards in the direction of the elevator that would lead him down to the lobby and out of the building. 

“You wish. I like my omegas to be older than an infant.” 

Peter flipped him off as his form of goodbye and shut the door behind him. Spinning around and walking towards the elevator, Bucky could feel the smile on his face twinged at ends of his lips. Peter knew how to cheer him up.

. . . 

Steve paced the expanse of his living room, clenching and unclenching his fists, his mind spinning. Everything went to hell so quickly that there had been no possibility of stopping it. He’d worked so hard on building a friendship with Bucky, and although the alpha wolf wanted nothing to do with him, Bucky was warming up to him. When they were in their wolf forms Bucky didn’t growl at him anymore when he brought him offerings for atonement. Then there was the spending time together in their daily lives. They’d even spent the holidays together and it had been so nice... until tonight.

He should have thought of all possibilities. He _should’ve_ surmised that if all the Avengers were invited for this event, Anthony would have also received an invitation. It didn’t matter that Anthony didn’t suit up as the Iron Man often anymore, he was still considered an Avenger, so of course he’d been invited. 

Anthony’s own assumptions that Bucky wouldn’t attend this event was more than likely the case, if not for Steve insisting Bucky join him. This was a huge mess and he was to blame for the whole thing. But... 

But it had been all so wonderful. Bucky had gone with him. He’d asked him to dance and they’d... They’d felt like a couple once more. For a moment, being in Bucky’s arms and marked by his scent, Steve could almost believe that even though he’d hurt the alpha deeply he could have him if he was patient enough. 

Then Anthony came and he’d attempted to bring his mate back into his arms, to give and receive comfort, and Bucky looked at him as if he were his enemy. He’d stared at Steve with so much distrust and betrayal that Steve felt his heart give a painful throb. It hurt to look into those hateful eyes, to scent Bucky’s anger, and not be welcome to the attention and care his mate had given him moments earlier. 

Steve had wanted to cry, his wolf wanted to roll on it’s back and expose it’s underbelly, but Steve couldn’t submit to his alpha then. If he gave, Bucky would unleash his rage on Anthony and in so doing, not care of the damage he caused or the people he hurt in his attempt to get to the other alpha. Steve had to stop the situation from escalating, and by doing so, he’d lost what little trust Bucky had given him. 

He couldn’t calm his alpha. His mate didn’t want his calming omega pheromones, because his scent was no longer just his and Bucky. Anthony’s scent was on him, no matter that Steve couldn’t smell it, Bucky could and therefore he was useless in soothing his alpha’s hurts.

 _No_... Steve hadn’t been able to do anything to appease Bucky. He’d been forced to watch as his husband steadily lost control of his wolf. Watched as his alpha’s instincts took over and bloodthirsty silver blue eyes stared at him with revulsion. Steve made the decision right then and there that he would shift too if Bucky lost himself to rage. He’d put himself in the line of the alpha’s anger and take his furious snapping canines and sharp claws if it meant he could distract the alpha from hurting anyone else. He’d heal and even if Bucky didn’t trust his wolf at times, Steve trusted Bucky’s wolf enough to know that there was no way that the alpha would kill him. 

That hadn’t happened. In the mere seconds before Bucky shifted Peter stealthily snuck up behind the raging alpha, took hold of the scruff of his neck (the most susceptible part of a wolf), gripped tight and forced the alpha’s nose against an omega’s most intimate scent glands.

Steve took a step back in surprise at the action of the other omega. He felt something within shatter when he’d been unable to look away as Bucky wrapped his arms around the slighter man’s waist and held him close as he lost himself in Peter’s scent. 

The scent gland of an omega’s neck was never marked or scented by just anyone. Omega’s only let their parents as children scent their necks, but after presenting that stopped. That area was strictly meant for an omega’s mate or potential mates, and yet... 

Steve swallowed thickly at the memory of it. His nails dug into the palms of his clenched fists at the recollection of Bucky sighing Peter’s name in relief, and how he pressed his weight totally against the omega, giving into the other's will. How he hadn’t refused when the omega led him away. Bucky never submitted to another’s will, but for Steve’s own and yet...

_Just what the hell was Bucky’s relationship with Peter?_

The background check on the omega had come back clean, there was nothing to suggest that Peter Parker was anything but what he presented himself to be. Yet, Steve couldn’t fight off the feeling that something was off about the kid. There was something there. 

There was also something going on between the two, damn what Bucky said there was. They weren’t _just_ friends and that wasn’t just Steve’s jealousy that thought that way. Yes, he was unbelievably jealous, but something deep down in his gut was telling him something just wasn’t right.

“Steve. Why don’t you have a seat?” Sam huffed fatigued by the nights events and knowing it wasn’t anywhere near being finished.

“No.” Steve snapped back. How could he sit. If he wasn’t moving his thoughts would just wander more than they were and that wasn’t going to help with his edginess. He needed to talk to Bucky, but he had yet to return. 

He knew it might not be the best decision to invade his husband's quarters, but Steve wasn’t going to leave them until he saw Bucky and they talked. _Actually_ , talked, because _this_... These assumptions of Bucky’s and never being allowed to explain himself because Bucky didn’t want to hear anything in relation to what Steve had done with Tony, wasn’t fair. Bucky’s assumptions on his feelings for Anthony were obscured and untrue, but Bucky never let him state such because it hurt him too much to hear the validation that Steve and Anthony...

But not speaking, not talking about it was making Steve’s heart feel pulverized by the rejections, accusations, and misunderstandings. Steve almost wanted to scream at Bucky that he was an idiot who had no eyes if he honestly couldn’t see that he was the only one Steve ever loved and would only ever love. 

“Why are you doing this to yourself? He is a hypercritical ass if he gets on you for having a heat partner when he’s been playing the field with that almost legal omega.” Sam cursed Bucky’s cruelty, but he didn’t understand. Nobody understood them. They assumed Steve told Bucky about Anthony. They couldn’t possibly understand that Bucky’s senses had derived that information, and it was because of those senses that caused him to break their union. 

Steve hadn’t told them the truth, because it hadn’t been his place to tell them it. That was Bucky’s decision, but now he realized his mistake by doing that. He’d turned them against Bucky with their assumptions and choosing not to correct them.

“Don’t say that.” Steve stopped in his pacing to face Sam. 

“Why not? It’s true. He has no right to reject you the way he did when you were trying to take care of yourself and thought him dead.” Sam glared back at Steve, believing it was in his nature as an omega to defend his alpha’s wrong doings. 

“It’s... It’s not like that.” Steve shut his eyes, brows furrowed with pain. “You don’t understand. HE _can’t_ help it. He... his senses are so much stronger than my own and he... He can scent _everything_. He scented what Tony and I... That I... His instincts can’t accept me now, because... because I... with Tony.” Choked up on his words, Steve turned away from Sam and opened his wet eyes to glare at the ground, hating himself all the more with his thoughts of how Bucky must see him now.

Sam didn’t say anything for a long moment and Bucky’s quarters were filled with he heavy silence. 

“Why... Why didn’t you say anything?” 

“Because I felt it wasn’t my place to, but you and Natasha have formulated your own opinions and it... It isn’t fair to Bucky.” Steve quickly wiped at his damp eyes before the tears could fall. He really needed Bucky here right now. 

“If he rejected you because of your scent...” Sam struggled to formulate his question in a delicate way as not to hurt Steve, but the omega knew where he was going and he didn’t want to hear it. “Why are you trying to-“

“Can you leave, Sam. I want to talk to Bucky alone when he comes.” Steve tried to ignore the question, but Sam wouldn’t have it.

“Why are you hurting yourself? He can’t stop his instincts. This won’t go anywhere if you don’t accept-“

“Sam!” Steve snapped angrily, turning piercing blue to glare at the man for his harsh words. “Bucky’s my husband and mate. It doesn’t change anything for me. Bucky might not be able to... But I won’t give up and I _won’t_ stop trying. He wants me as a friend and that is fine. If that’s all I can ever be to him, then so be it, but he will always be my husband and mate, even if he want’s a divorce and bond breaking.”

Sam didn’t back down at the noticeable anger in the omega’s form, only met Steve’s glare with a hard stare back.

“So what? You commit yourself to loving him and live the rest of your life suffering and alone while he goes off and lives his life? Friends?” Sam huffed in distaste of the last of his words, unable to feel the sentiment of it, for what Steve would force himself to live by.

“Okay...” Sam attempted to rationalize. “So you are okay being his friend? What about him? So you decide to suffer alone in your love. Can you honestly watch Bucky move on- Hell, what if he finds another omega? Are you seriously going to live half a life while he moves on with his?”

Steve grimaced at the thought. He didn’t want to think about Bucky being with anyone else, but he’d been forced to when Peter entered Bucky’s life. Maybe Bucky wasn’t lying when he said that Peter was his friend, but what about the future? What if Peter aged into a agreeable young man? Would Bucky’s feelings for him evolve? Even if Peter remained Bucky’s friend, there might come a day that Bucky met another omega and fell for them. 

If that happened, Steve would break. He’d crumble to pieces and Bucky might still want him to be there as his friend...

“I don’t know, but I know I can’t ever leave him. I made vows... He’s my true mate. We were meant to be together until the end of the line, and if that means I can only ever be his friend... Then we’ll be friends till the end of the line.” Steve couldn’t hide how painful that realization was, nor hold back the tears that slid down his eyes. 

Sam’s mouth pursed into a deep scowl and he shook his head angrily.

“This is all kinds of fucked up.” 

Steve chuckled sorrowfully, he agreed with the sentiment, but weakly attempted to find some lighter humor, “Language.”

“Shut up, Steve.” Sam growled angrily at the situation and at the same time at the omega who was helpless to fight his devotion to a man who couldn’t give him what he needed most. 

Steve nodded his head and hastily wiped at his eyes again, drying his cheeks, and focused on leveling his unsteady breathing. He needed to calm himself and talking about all these most terrible possibilities were not helping. 

“Screw this waiting, I’m texting Clint.” Sam grumpily retrieved his cell phone from his pocket and began texting. 

Yeah, that was a good idea. Clint might be able to convince Bucky to come back to the compound quickly.

. . . 

Bucky knew Steve would be waiting to talk to him, but what he hadn’t expected was for the omega to be waiting in his quarters. Then again, if it hadn’t been for Clint receiving a text about the omega, then he might have tried to sneak away to his own quarters. Steve knew him well enough, more than anyone else in this world.

Steve was there, standing within his living room, smelling of grief and anger. It was such a strange combination and it made his nose twitch with displeasure of it. His inner wolf might not be able to care for his mate in the way he deserved, but it didn’t mean he wanted Steve to ever smell of anything but contentment.

“Steve.” Bucky greeted weakly, wishing they didn’t have to do this, but knowing there was no way out of it. Steve was a hell of a stubborn man when he wanted to be. 

Clint had left him on the first floor of the compound. Throwing a parting comment about not wanting to be there to see a lovers tiff. He had enough on his own plate. Bucky was thankful for it. He didn’t think he would do well with having someone hearing what Bucky knew was going to be a doozy of a conversation- The way Steve was glaring at him, Bucky wasn’t so sure if they’d be conversing as much as yelling and that was so very unsettling. Bucky was tired and he didn’t want to deal with it right now. This late and after suffering from the emotional backlash, Bucky just wanted to curl up in his bed and fall to the darkness of sleep. 

Nothing would be working in Bucky’s favor when he glanced over Steve's shoulder and made out Sam’s form standing several feet in the back. His arms were folded over his chest and he looked at him with the accusations of all of Bucky’s mistakes, and yeah... He knew there were a lot, but Sam had no right to be so high and mighty with him when he didn’t understand. This was Steve and his matter. 

“Clint gave me your message, so you can leave now.” Bucky clipped out and grew steadily agitated when the alpha didn’t move from his spot. It was clear Sam had made the decision to stay and that ticked Bucky off. If that were the case, Bucky would leave. Steve could follow him and talk somewhere else, but there was no way Bucky was going to do this with an audience.

“Sam.” Steve said the man’s name and it carried so much meaning; an exasperated sigh, a plea to do as Bucky wished, an affirmation that he could handle himself. 

Sam looked to Steve with his own voiceless answer, a promise that he would be near if he needed him. Then those brown eyes zeroed in on him and sent a flood of wordless threats if he slighted Steve any. Bucky stared back blankly, knowing he couldn’t assure him he wouldn’t. 

Sam left with little else for parting and then it was just Steve and Bucky standing, staring at the other in the thickly laced silence of the room. No words were spoken and yet Bucky grew exhausted. He was so tired of this. He was so tired of the misunderstandings, the hurts and pains of being in love and unable to be together. 

Breaking eye contact, Bucky moved further away from his former omega. Steve smelled of grief, yes, but the anger had made a reappearance since that day Bucky first met Peter. The anger was bitter, so much so that rosewood turned pungent and earthy. 

Bucky seated himself heavily on the chair closest to him and waited for the omega to begin, because Bucky certainly didn’t have the strength to talk. Bucky didn’t have to wait long as Steve moved to stand before the alpha, his intimidatingly massive form standing far closer than Bucky wanted him to be. His omega’s form vibrated with all the feelings he had yet to express and Bucky knew it would be plenty.

“I keep telling you I love you.” Steve began, voice unsteady, tension and impatience in his cadence. “I tell you I want you, I always wanted you, and I will never want anyone else, but you still won’t listen to what I say.”

Bucky stared at the living room carpet, not daring to meet the omega’s gaze, though he knew it was focused solely on him. He was the reason for Steve’s anger and hurt. Bucky couldn’t do anything right. Of course he upset Steve. He’d lost it and tried to attack the alpha that had taken his place. Whether Steve chose him after realizing he was alive because it was the right thing to do, he’d tried to hurt the alpha that Steve so clearly cared about. 

Bucky curled in on himself and waited for the curses to come, but that wasn’t where Steve’s rants went. 

“I keep telling you all these things and yet you keep believing things of me that are untrue. I didn’t stop you earlier because of any feelings you might believe me to have for Tony. I stopped you because you could have hurt others. You would have brought attention to yourself and the accords could... They could try and take you away from me.” Steve’s anger vanished and his voice filled with such anguish that Bucky’s heart gave to painful throbbing. 

“I don’t know what I have to say or do to make you believe me Bucky, but I love you. _I love you so God-damn much_. I was gone on you since I was a runt of a cub.”

Bucky shut his eyes as they begun to sting and he wasn’t able to control the dampness as Steve continued.

“You were the only one who would be my friend. You were the first to defend me and protect me from bullies. You were my savior. I wanted all of you and everything you would give me. I still want that, and earlier... when we... when we were dancing and just... Everything felt right. I know you felt it. It felt right, like it once had, and I can’t be without that. I can’t be without you. I don’t need intimacy. The physicality of our relationship is only one part of many things that make up our bond. I really don’t need it. I swear, Bucky. I won’t pressure you, I just... If all we can have is each other and clothed touches that’s more than enough for me.”

Bucky shook his head as Steve practically pleaded for the barest of what he could offer. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t what Steve deserved. Why would he want a tattered relationship when he could have so much more?

“You could have Stark. He could give you everything I can’t.” Bucky didn’t sound like himself. His voice was raw, frail. 

Steve snarled hatefully and it caught Bucky so much off-guard he flinched away from it.

“I don’t want Tony! How many times do I have to say it. I don’t love Tony like that.” Steve snapped.

Bucky opened his eyes when he felt the omega nearing him more than he was already and stared down at the man’s shoes positioned just inches from his own. 

“I love Tony as a friend, a good friend. I love him as much as I love the other members of the Avengers. He is a comrade and he’s been there for me when I needed him. That is all there is between us.” Steve murmured, and slowly lowered himself to kneel before Bucky, catching the unwilling gaze of the alpha. Submitted to the alpha part of Bucky, though he still smelled of anger and frustration. He needed Bucky to give and fall for his show or trust. Steve’s words were all nice, used to soothe the alpha, mend his hurts, but still...

“You slept with Stark.” Those words were rough and cruel. Crude and unwanted. Heartbreaking. 

Steve’s open, pleading eyes turned pained at the accusations of that one statement. 

“I didn’t cheat on you.” Steve rasped out. It hurt to defend his actions, knowing that he hadn’t been a faithfully grieving omega when he thought his alpha was gone, but it _hadn’t_ been adultery. “I thought you were gone and I- My heats were so-“ 

Bucky shot up from the chair in anger when Steve started to talk about what he’d been so stubbornly ignoring for so long. He didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want to know about what Steve did with Stark. With the need to be away from those explanations, Bucky hurriedly moved in the direction of his bedroom, his safe place, his den. 

Bucky took four long strides before he felt a powerful hand grip to his left wrist and held him back from making any more of a distance from the reason for his flight. 

“ _No_. Not today. Today you are going to listen to what I have to say.”

“You are an adulterer!” Bucky reared back and flashed a hostile look at Steve. The Winter Soldier coming to the forefront, a desperate attempt at protection. That statement was a powerful one, used with the cruelness of a growl that had Steve wincing, but his grip on Bucky’s wrist did not loosen. 

“I didn’t know you were alive.”

“I smell him on you. You are his.”

“No, I’m not. I’m yours!” 

Bucky sneered. 

“I am... I’m yours, Buck. I’m only yours.” Steve stared at him with such sorrow and need that Bucky’s eyes stung once more, and unable to look away from those pleading eyes, Bucky felt the first of his tears fall. “After I was brought out from the ice my hormones weren’t acting normally. I skipped my heats and when they finally came they were excruciating. I was suffering terrible heats and eventually needed to be hospitalized.” Steve confessed and Bucky watched him with soreness in his heart and distrust in his eyes, but he could not find a lie there. Steve was being truthful. 

“I didn’t want to. I refused and suffered because I didn’t want to step out on our bond, though I thought you were dead.” Steve’s eyes gleamed with unshed tears all while he loosened his hold of Bucky’s metal hand. Manipulating it he raised it up and towards Bucky’s own face, Bucky choked on a broken sob as Steve used his own metal fingers to brush away his tears from his face. 

“I loved you and had to try and live my life without you then. The world is so different and I chose Tony because he would only be there as a friend. He... he did... to me... but it was more of a friend helping out than a mate-“ 

Bucky didn’t want to hear more of it and yanked his metal hand from Steve’s slackened grip and took several large steps away. Facing the torn omega before him who didn’t try to grab a hold of him again. It would appear, Steve had said what he’d intended to. Bucky now knew why Steve had taken another alpha and it was up to Bucky to decide what to do with this new information. 

“I... never accepted another alpha as my mate. Tony has only ever been a friend. I want you still. I will take what you offer, and give what you need.”

Bucky turned away from Steve and faced the direction where his room was. He wanted away from Steve, but one thing was bothering him. He didn’t want to ask, but he needed to know. 

“After... After we met again and you knew I was alive... Did you... Have you... Again?”

Steve didn’t respond right away and Bucky knew it. He knew he couldn’t trust Steve to be faithful. If his heats were so terrible and he... Bucky shouldn’t feel angry, but it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like hell to know.

“After we met again I spent my heats alone. When you went into the cryogenic chamber my omega side was in turmoil and the stress of not knowing where we stood caused my heats to stop. I haven’t had a heat since, but...”

“But what?” Bucky voice weakened by the realization Steve hadn’t been with Tony after learning he was alive. 

“But I... since we’ve become closer and...”

Bucky didn’t need Steve to finish, all at once understanding. Omegas, when feeling uncertain of their alpha’s feelings could suffer from heat irregularities. But if an omega was to feel reassured by their alpha, like how friendly Bucky has become after having kept his distance for so long, an omega could experience regular heats once more. The memory of Steve’s wolf form smelling ripe, almost like an approaching heat... _Oh God_.

“I feel more like the omega I was before you fell from the train and I... I don’t know when my heat will come, but I have the signs.” 

Steve didn’t specify the signs, but Bucky knew what they were because he'd known Steve intimately: tender nipples, heightened sexuality, cramps, and slick production when excited. 

“How long have you felt these signs?”

“Since... Since the first day of Hanukkah.” Steve mumbled ashamed by his need for Bucky that he was causing this tension to build between them, because his omega wanted his attention, even when knowing that wasn’t a option.

“Your heats they... Will it kill you to not...” Bucky knew as Steve’s alpha he should offer his services, but he couldn’t stomach the idea. He’d... if he had to _mount_ Steve... Bucky slammed his eyes shut. He wasn’t sure he could do it without breaking down in the process. 

“No. I... No. The super serum protects me from dying, but I get extremely sick if I don’t go to the hospital in time.” 

Bucky swallowed dryly and knew that even though Steve was safe from death, it wasn’t right for Steve to suffer because he couldn’t. Bucky was damaged and wasn’t close to being cured. Steve shouldn’t have to wait for Bucky when he could receive the help he needed.

“Would Stark still-“

“No!” Steve shouted outraged and Bucky turned to meet the burning glare of Steve’s head-on.

“But he could give you what I can’t.” Bucky tried to reason with Steve, but it came out as a pathetic sob, because he was a failure to his mate. 

“No. I don’t want Tony. I don’t want any other alpha, but you.”

That comment rubbed Bucky the wrong way. Hit a tender nerve. His own feelings of inadequacy only making that comment hurt more.

“But you did! You did have Stark and it helped and you loved me then too, right? What’s the difference.” Bucky sobbed and ashamed, he turned away and wiped the tears that fell.

“I only did it because I thought it was the only option, but I have you.”

“I can’t touch you, even though I’m here. If I died today, then your love for me wouldn’t even matter! You would find yourself another alpha, if not Stark.”

“Bucky!” Steve hotly protested, but Bucky wouldn’t listen.

“ _No_. I’m right, you would find another alpha if you didn’t know I was here. You would!” Bucky’s shoulders trembled with his voiceless sobs, because he truly was worthless. He was a stain to Steve’s life. 

“I wish I had died. I wish I hadn’t met you again. You don’t deserve to suffer because of this loyalty to me.”

“It’s not loyalty, but love.”

Bucky shook his head. The bond was deluding Steve’s mind. If there was no bond, maybe then Steve wouldn’t see it as a betrayal to leave him.

“I should break this bond and set you free.” Bucky morbidly acknowledged. If he did, maybe then Steve could decide without the bond pulling him to Bucky that there was more than this broken relationship.

“What? No. God, no. Bucky what are you talking about? Breaking a bond is dangerous. You could die.”

Bucky laughed a cheerless laugh. It could kill him, but at least Steve could be free and able to have a true relationship. He was a fool for thinking therapy could help. Steve needed more. 

“That is rare... It might, but it might not. If I break this bond and I live, then we will know if it was the bond that kept you loyal to me or not. If not and it was love... This screwed up relationship might actually work- intimacy or not. But if this bond breaks and you find you only stayed because of the bond, well then you are free to find another alpha.” 

“What? No! I _won’t_ let you. You hear me, Bucky? There is no way I will let you break this bond. I won’t lose you for a stupid idea of what _you_ think is loyalty. I loved you always, even before the bond.”

“Yes, but the bond is it’s own tie. Without it, your love might not be as strong as you think.”

“Screw you, Bucky! I love you just as strongly as our bond is. Just because you are feeling insecure doesn’t give you the damn right to break this bond and my heart in the process.”

“You broke my heart long before I broke yours!”

“So what? This is some type of punishment? You want to make me suffer and hurt for getting help?” Steve shot out in disbelief.

“No. It’s me trying to make sense of all _this_. I can’t... I’m trying so hard to- Nothing I do ends right and I just... I can’t keep doing all of this.”

“I don’t understand. What are you saying?”

Bucky wasn’t even sure himself. Did he continue with therapy? Was there even a reason to continue when he’d just learned what he had? Would it make more sense to break the bond and allow Steve the freedom it offered? There was no sure answer if his scent therapy would be a full success and he felt like a tool for leading Steve in one direction, to then change in the next. In all honesty, Bucky didn’t know what he wanted.

He knew he loved Steve. He wanted to be with Steve, but his scent made that so very difficult. This hot and cold he was sending was hurting them both. So why shouldn’t he break their bond? If he did and Steve was totally free of the bond, then maybe Steve could answer all his doubts with his feelings. If Steve truly loved him and chose to be with him after, then that would prove his professions as truth. 

Only... to break a bond wasn’t easy. There were only two possible ways of breaking a bond. 

The first required a powerfully bonded alpha and omega pair to use their bond. In their time, there were so very few bonded couples who carried the ability to see other bonded pairs link. It was a paranormal gift only so few pairs possessed. They could see the invisible cord connecting a bonded pairs souls. They could severer the link and break their bond if the couple was open to doing so. 

It was a common practice for the few bonded pairs wishing to break their bond to search out these talented bonded pairs that carried this ability. But in this time and age when people had lost their link to their wolf and ability to form full bonds, there was no longer bonded pairs as such. 

The only other way left in which to break a bond was a less desirable option. The party wishing to break the bond most would need to search out a party willing to form a half bond with them. Only the second was known to have caused death to some that tried to break the bond.

“I’m tired.” Bucky spoke and his voice expressed just how much he was. “You’ve said what you wanted, now, please leave.”

“I’m not finished. We need to talk about this, because you-“

“ _Steve_.” Bucky growled, Steve was pushing too much on his fragile mind. He couldn’t take anymore, and if Steve pushed him, Bucky wouldn’t be responsible for his actions. 

Steve let out a growl of his own, less vicious than his own, but equally needing of validation. 

“This isn’t over.” 

“I didn’t think it was.” Bucky sadly acknowledged.

Bucky didn’t watch as Steve left his quarters, but he heard his clipped and angry steps as he departed from his living area. Exhaling a heavy breath, Bucky raised his head and stared at the ceiling of the room with exasperation and heartbreak. The answer to his dilemma was unknown.

**Author's Note:**

> If you would like to see me continue this story, comment below and let me know.
> 
> Comments are the food to my creativity and writing.


End file.
